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Song Lyrics Help

 
 
Kaside
 
Reply Fri 17 Jul, 2015 11:39 am
-So I decided to write a song and want someone to give me a few pointers and tell me anything that I should change please

TITLE: The Price Of Eye. . .
Look into my eyes, tell me what you see. Why is it dark or is it bright? Is it scary or delight? Wait! Look away, it might be pleasant or greedy. Please, do not stray from the pretty blue light for you may not make it all the way.

Oh-ho (chuckle) You indulge me with your presence, why to my very core. You appeal to my eyes like no one has before. But so unfortunate as I must look away so I do not extend my stay and fall into a lustful cloud of wishes, wrath and dismay. I hope I do not wonder or pick the wrong side from the fork in the road and know that we could leave this town and keep running forever until your legs don't work like they used to before.

And even though I can see you smile ear to ear, I cannot but help notice the price of eye. You may be just an illusion, but I can see you for what you are. Deception and trickery, but cannot look away for that is the price of eye!

People judge on what they only see that's on the outer shell, try to knock you down, but with a smirk of a smile, I just can't disguise. There's rights and wrongs with deadly gorgeous crimes that I tend to abide by and seems my life worthwhile just to follow and find the only beautiful in this world if you could only stay, even for a little while.

You are my light, life, and lotus. And from my point of view, I don't care where they come but where they go and not on their past but their present and how they have changed because I believe that everyone has a heart and when they are confronted by a new kind of species that is different than society and feel compassion and sorrow to see that they are not accepted for who they are and cannot define.

-That is my song and please tell me if there are any problems with this piece. And please don't be to harsh because this is my first song.
[P.S. This is kind of a slow but rhythm -ish and a small bit of up beat parts.]
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Kaside
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Jul, 2015 12:03 pm
And please help me layout my lyrics. I know that it looks like a paragrph and you cant tell the lines and such so please help me out
Kaside
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Jul, 2015 12:43 pm
@Kaside,
I have tried to make it a bit smaller, maybe its better. . .

TITLE: The Price Of Eye...
SONG: - - - - - - - - - - -

Look into my eyes, tell me what you see.
Why is it dark or is it bright? Is it scary or delight?
Wait! Look away, it might be pleasant or greedy.
Please, do not stray from the pretty blue light for you may not make it all the way.

Oh-ho (chuckle) You indulge me with your presence, why to my very core.
You appeal to my eyes like no one has before.
But so unfortunate as I must look away.
So I do not extend my stay. and fall into a lustful cloud of wishes, wrath and dismay.
I hope I do not wonder or pick the wrong side from the fork in the road.
And even though I know that we could leave this town and run forever until our legs don't work like they used to before.

And even though I can see you smile ear to ear,
I cannot but help notice the price of eye.
You may be just an illusion, but I can see you for what you are.
Deception and trickery, but cannot look away for that is the price of eye!

People judge on what they only see that's on the outer shell,
try to knock you down, but with a smirk of a smile, I just can't disguise.
There's rights and wrongs with deadly gorgeous crimes that I tend to abide by,
but seems my life worthwhile just to follow and find the only beautiful in this world if you could only stay,
even for a little while.

You are my light, life, and lotus.
And from my point of view,
I don't care where they come but where they go,
and not on their past but their present and how they have changed,
because I believe that everyone has a heart,
and when they are confronted by a new kind of species that is different than society,
they feel compassion and sorrow to see that they are not accepted for who they are and cannot define their grace.
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