Tarzan Vs. The Slimy Politician

Here's a story I wrote. What do you think?

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The slimy politician walked down the suburban street, unaware, as usual, of the world around him. His expensive shoes crackled the stone sidewalk beneath him with every step he took. He turned the corner, and--

Tarzan jumped from a nearby tree and landed perfectly on his feet right in front of the politician.

The slimy politician stopped dead in his tracks, barely controlled the urge to piss his pants, and stared wide-eyed at Tarzan.

Tarzan sniffed and grunted.

The slimy politician tried to think of what to do, and then came up with the only trick he knew. He tried to bullshit Tarzan.

"Tarzan! Do you know that I'm a big supporter of environmental issues?" The slimy politician smiled widely as he said this, and then he made a fatal error. He extended his arm to shake hands.

Tarzan pounced.

The slimy politician pissed himself like a frightened puppy as Tarzan grabbed him by the head and bit off a large chunk of his nose. He fell backwards with blood pouring from his face.

Tarzan shouted primitively, "TARZAN NO LIKE HANDSHAKE!", as he jumped on the slimy politician, who was in the process of shitting himself and falling.

Tarzan got on top of the politician and began pummeling him in the face with his powerful jungle fists. Blood splashed out of the slimy politician's face with each blow. The Lord of The Jungle began chanting and shouting over and over as he bashed in the slimy politician's face. "TARZAN NO LIKE HANDSHAKE! TARZAN NO LIKE HANDSHAKE!" Spit flew out of his mouth as he raged like an animal. Bones crunched like eggshells as fist after fist turned the slimy politician's face into a sloppy mixture of blood, bone and brain. The pummeling went on for twenty minutes or more, with Tarzan's chants echoeing into the open sky above. After a while Tarzan got tired and went home.

Tarzan no like handshake.