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Tue 6 Jul, 2004 08:33 pm
These are two short poems I wrote. Let me know what you think of them and which one is better.
Worthless-Gabby A. A.
Where I once felt, there is now nothing.
It's as if I've become a rock.
The only feeling I know is hatem abd I'm beginning to not even feel that anymore.
Another day like this and I'll lose touch with reality,
if I haven't already.
I don't smile at all,
there is nothing to smile about.
I let everyone down,
I am a failure,
worthless.
I spend my days counting out the ways I might die,
or watching people outside.
The people with lives.
I am not one of them,
not even the animals like me.
They scatter as I walk by.
My friends stopped calling me.
Screw them all.
I will not change.
Hapiness is for the weak minded.
It takes a strong person to be mad all the time.
But I am not strong.
I let everyone down,
I am a failure,
worthless.
I will never find the weakness to be happy.
I will never be strong enough to stay mad.
I am a waste,
I am nothing,
I let everyone down,
I am a failure,
worthless.
--------
My Three Strike Exit~Gabby A. A.
My heart slowly starts to sink,
as you say those words.
My body shakes,
and my eyes take on the form of a lake.
My voice gets soft and trembling
and I'm not sure what to say.
My palms are sweating
and something inside me screams for release.
Uncontrolable tears and violent shaking
now start to devour me.
I leave my note on the desk
and walk towards the drawer.
I pick my choice of departure
and move in towards my wrist.
I take a deep breathe
and use my first strike.
It hurts as the river starts to flood
but i figure life hurs much more.
The second strike isnt as bad
and my arm takes on a deeper shade of red.
The third strike I hardly feel.
I'm out.
A little depressing, aren't they?
DarkAngel, You could become an ark angel. <smile>
With a few minor changes (spelling) all three will become a home run, my friend.
I personally like "worthless" the best. Keep'em comin'!!!
jesus man, stop wallowing in your own self loathing. don't keep writing like this, it's onyl going to make you more depressed. i hear where you're coming from, I've gone through some really depressing times too, but you've just got to keep your chin up and if you get some confidence in yourself friends will come back to you. the poems didn't seem very poetic to me...i dont mean that they need to rhyme, but they at least need to flow.
stuh505 wrote:jesus man, stop wallowing in your own self loathing. don't keep writing like this, it's onyl going to make you more depressed. i hear where you're coming from, I've gone through some really depressing times too, but you've just got to keep your chin up and if you get some confidence in yourself friends will come back to you. the poems didn't seem very poetic to me...i dont mean that they need to rhyme, but they at least need to flow.
I think writing is a way to unleash your emotions, therefor making a person feel better, not worse. I am a writer, and in no way does writing depressing stuff make me more depressed, if anything it makes me feel much better. I do agree that they could flow a bit better in some areas, but these are good venting poems, so who cares, they're serving their purpose.
actually, I'm not a depressed person. These poems came from an idea of writing something depressing. If i have one line to something, I have the whole poem come easy to me. but thanks anyways for the support of my depression
they could flow better but they were some of my earlier work. Ive written better stuff latley.
Stuh, don't understand your response.
well....i suppose i feel that poetry ought to be a manifestation of the author's personal feelings or experiences...when people write about things that aren't real for them, it's like they are decieving other people because we assume that it did happen to them, but even more importantly i don't think it's possible to make a good poem that way because if you haven't had the experience then you're just going to be writing what emotions you THINK you would have under those circumstances, which means it's going to be cliche and impersonal...our real emotions are so much more complex and powerful that our poetry about them will be more interesting and meaningful.
And do you feel the same about music, because at least 60 percent of music is just made up of words with no emotional feelings directly from the singer/songwriter, do you listen to music?
yes i listen to music passionately
i think that 99.99% of music is not worth listening to, though
i dont listen to music from big record labels that play on the radio, i prefer more artistic stuff
and yes i think it is
I have to agree, most music is not worth listening to, thats why I prefer to write and record my own.
as you have probably noticed i write a lot of poetry, as of yet i have not found time to learn any instruments as I am too overwhelmed with my technical studies, but I long to teach myself piano and guitar someday and I'm sure I will write my own music for that when I do...
finding good music is not easy, but i still manage to find plenty that moves and astonishes me
<smile>...and we may be able to add music to that genre of philosophy.
Uhoh, I have an artsy bunch of people here don't I? When I write it is from experiance. Maybe not my own but I'm the kind of person who studies people. Also alot of my friends tell me about their own problems and I make them into a poem or song, or even deep thought.
For me it's so much easier to write something dark because when your upset that memory stays with you either a long time or forever, and you can work off of that till it's all the same. Now, if you do something with your friends or significant other, it's much better in that moment than it could ever be writing. Most wonderful things, weren't meant to be written down. They were made to stay with YOU and you only...forever.
And that is my response to all this wonderful negativity about me being "fake". Everyone is pretending to be something they aren't. Everyone's pretending they're cool when really they're posing. So watch people and weed out the fakes, and with the weeding comes the idea for a poem about an insignificant jerk. Even if it was someone elses insignificant jerk. By watching people you can get so much poetry. Jeez people, chill out, drink some soda, go watch MTV, then go to the park and write a poem about someone elses problems. It makes for good poetry.
what is that supposed to mean?
Just surprised to find out that you were so young, my friend.
Oh lol, well, how old did I seem?
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