Acceptance/Letting Go

I know a part of Buddhism is about letting go of the things we want in life and accepting our losses and accepting a new life. But, let's pretend, that there was someone who only wanted to live a particular style of life. This is his/her one and only life of good value to him/her and all other styles of life to him/her are of no value to him/her. It would be no different than if someone had a particular style in music and all other styles of music to him/her don't hold any good value to him/her. Therefore, if someone had only one style of life he/she found good value in such as going out and walking in nature, but then developed cancer and was bound to a hospital bed, then this new life of being in that hospital bed would be of no good value to him/her at all since this new life is not his/her style at all. It would be no different than if he/she was listening to music he/she likes (in this case, him/her going out and walking in nature), but then that music he/she likes was taken away from him/her and he/she is now listening to music he/she finds no value in (in this case, him/her being bound in a hospital bed with cancer and living a new life in which he/she can no longer go out in nature anymore). As a matter of fact, it would be him/her now listening to music he/she hates since this is a new life he/she utterly detests.

This person would have every right to end his/her life rather than to just accept it since this life is not his/her style at all as I said before and wasn't the life he/she wanted to live at all. For other people to tell him/her that he/she should just accept this lifestyle and that, even though he/she no longer has the life he/she wanted to live, that he/she should instead live for others, then that would be utterly selfish of these other people to tell him/her so. It says to him/her that only these other people matter now and that he/she should just instead have all the attention, value, and just cater to these people. The fact is, he/she is just as important as any other person and he/she deserves his/her good life that he/she wanted to truly live. He/she has every right to live that life. Therefore, for others to just tell him/her to accept this new life of cancer and just live for others would be denying, demeaning, and restricting of this person's value as a human being which would be his/her right to have his/her good life he/she wants. Therefore, balance is key here. We must have our own good lives we want to live while also living for others and bringing them good lives as well. We must have our good lives and others must have their good lives. Otherwise, we should end our lives and we have every right to end our lives if we could never get our good lives back. We have every right to have our good lives we want to live as long as these are lives that don't harm and demean other innocent people.

You choosing to end your life in the event that you could never regain your good life would not make you selfish at all. For example, with Robin Williams, the good value that he has invested towards the message of living for others, that good value has been redirected towards a new message of value towards his family and other people when he has decided to end his life due to his depression. This new message of value says to his family and other innocent people that he just can't take his depression anymore and that it is just simply time for him to go. That he still has full value towards them anyway even though he knows very well that he will cause them grief in his act of suicide and that he wishes for them to find their own strengths in life without him. Therefore, Robin Williams didn't have any less value towards others in his act of suicide. Instead, his value has been switched over to a new message. The message he has had before was him choosing to live for others. But that message has changed over to that new message I just mentioned here.

I have lost all my feelings of pleasure 24/7 due to anhedonia (absence of pleasure) which is a negative symptom of schizophrenia and I'm not sure I will ever regain my pleasure back. My feelings of pleasure are very profound to me, are the only things that make my personal life good and worth living and nothing else, and are more important than my beating heart and the air I breathe to stay alive. My heart and air keep me physically alive. But my feelings of pleasure keep me alive in the sense of giving my life a sense of good value and worth. Nothing else gives my life a sense of good value and worth. Therefore, I must have my full feelings of pleasure back to me in my life up and running as a full function in my life to keep my life up and running with good value and worth. I am not selfish or anything of the sort when saying that my feelings of pleasure are the only things that give the things I do a sense of good value and worth. I still have full value and compassion towards others and I still help others out. It's just that what makes my own personal life good and worth living is my feelings of pleasure and nothing else. If I have decided to end my life due to my pleasure never recovering, then I would not be having any less value towards others (as demonstrated in my example with Robin Williams). It is only my feelings of pleasure that give my life a sense of good value and worth. Not any other form of pleasure that is so claimed to come from our thoughts and everything else in life alone without our actual feelings of pleasure.

Going back to my music style analogue. When I had my full feelings of pleasure in the past, it was like I was listening to music I like since it was me living a life that was my style. But when I have developed this anhedonia in which there are never any given brief moments of any feelings of pleasure whatsoever, then it is now like I am only listening to music I hate and find no value in since I am now living a life that is not who I am, is not my style at all, is a life I find no good value in whatsoever without my feelings of pleasure, and is a lifestyle I will never accept.