I like the way you said that, sista! Everybody in agreement say'aye'!
uh, aye?
Hey, shall we have an un-frou-frou contest?
You don't wear medical gloves when doing a breast exam!!!
I win the non-frou-fro contest right now - believe me - but I hafta go out - gonna wear a sweat shirt, and black exercise pants, and black, low, shoes.
How un-frou-frou is THAT!
dlowan wrote:You don't wear medical gloves when doing a breast exam!!!
No, I don't it lessens the sensitivity as well as the dexterity in tweakage.
But I work with Medical EXAM Gloves for a living. This makes me a qualified professional in the field.
Look, I made a selfless offer to help save lives, don't be petty and question it. I'm having a rare noble moment.
Yes, dear.
I am awestruck by your nobility. My mouth is open in stunned admiration, and I am snickering with adoration.
Cool, but put your boobs away, I'm off to work.
My boobs are decorously covered - and, in fact, went into fearful shrinkage mode at the mere mention of breast examination.
They have crawled half way round my back in fear.
Craven de Kere wrote:Hey, breastacles get slippery, I sometimes lose my grip.
Anywho, I work for a company that sells medical exam gloves and I personally feel very qualified to administer the examinations that devriesj wisely advocates.
Fondlage at the the top of the mound is better than a hospital at the bottom.
Quite right, Craven. How very generous of you to offer your services in the interest of public health.
I personally know of a large group of women who have not had regular breast examinations and are in dire need of your services. If you will "pm" me, I will put you in touch with our local senior assisted living center. Believe me, those gals will thank you. For some, it has been decades since anyone thought to examine their breasts. I will be sure the staff reminds them to put in their dentures before speaking to you so that you can understand them when they express their profound gratitude.
You're a good man, Craven.
He's an extremely sexular...er...SECular saint, Eva!
Man, nearly made a booby...er booboo there, eh?
Dammit, I'm so proud of him for doing this, deb, that I can almost forgive him for constantly baiting me on gender issues.
Almost.
Eva wrote: I personally know of a large group of women who have not had regular breast examinations and are in dire need of your services. If you will "pm" me, I will put you in touch with our local senior assisted living center. Believe me, those gals will thank you. For some, it has been decades since anyone thought to examine their breasts. I will be sure the staff reminds them to put in their dentures before speaking to you so that you can understand them when they express their profound gratitude.
You're a good man, Craven.
Indeed, my honor is only exceeded by my humility.
I will examine most thoroughly.
I owe you one Eva, few can count among their friends someone who will introduce a harem into their lives. I will return the favor.
I've sent a few of my friends.
What would I do without friends like you, Craven! That was so thoughtful of you!
I was so surprised when they showed up at my door, you could have knocked me down with a feather....speaking of which, next time they come I'll suggest we use the vegetable sprayer. That damn fire hose knocked me clear up against the wall.
Most fun I've had all year, but it's going to take forever to dry out this place.
Damn mins - always with the wet spot.
Eva wrote:What would I do without friends like you, Craven! That was so thoughtful of you!
I was so surprised when they showed up at my door, you could have knocked me down with a feather....speaking of which, next time they come I'll suggest we use the vegetable sprayer. That damn fire hose knocked me clear up against the wall.
Most fun I've had all year, but it's going to take forever to dry out this place.
Always here to help.
BTW, that
was their vegetable sprayer, you should see what they call their firehose!
dlowan wrote:Damn mins - always with the wet spot.
OK! I tend to dribble when I catch sight of the 'blouse-puppies'. Jeez, when I was six months old that was cute!!!!
Craven de Kere wrote:BTW, that was their vegetable sprayer, you should see what they call their firehose!
Ooh, I'm afraid. By the sound of it, that would put out MY fire.
Yo sistas!
I need your advice on a Prenuptial Agreement I am about to sign.
I think it looks fair, what do you think?
I, the undersigned, a female accepting a marriage proposal, agree that..
Section 1: In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you've drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five *whole* minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.
Section 1.01: And it'll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like "So THIS is what hot monkey love is all about!" and howling like a cat that's being repeatedly jabbed with a pin.
Section 1.02: I will never ask for more *foreplay*.
Section 2: I fully understand that a woman's main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team loses, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn't there.
Section 3: Whenever my friends and I get together for a girl's night out, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak and an elephant would jealous of your genitalia.
Section 3.01: I shall mention *often* your sexual prowess and longevity in the bedroom.
Section 3.02: And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.
Section 4: After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as "making love"), I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.
Section 4.01: I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.
Section 5: In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.
Section 5.01: I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and inform you if any of them have the slightest bi-sexual tendencies. Then I'll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they have to stay.
Section 5.02: I promise to work out at the gym for two hours a day in order to keep my body sexually desirable to you, even though your intake of beer may cause your gut to swell to proportions of a nine-month pregnancy.
Section 5.03: I promise never to bring up your hair loss and the fact that a baby's butt and/or honeydew melon is somewhat similar.
Section 5.04: I promise to shave every *possible* inch of my body and will always love your *weekend* beard...
Section 6: After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt to talk to me, I will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined me for other men".
Section 6: I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you're in charge of anything *mechanical*.
Section 6.01: With the exception of the following household items: iron, washing machine and dryer, stove, refrigerator, garbage disposal, garbage can, vacuum cleaner, diapers and toilets.
Being of sound mind and body, I enter this relationship contract.
Signed ____________________________________ (female)
sooo, totally, how much cash is on the other side of that equation?
You'd have to add in lots of cash, AND VERY old - like 98 - AND an airtight will leaving you all the money to make that one a deal, TGAS.
Actually, I wouldn't sign it even then.
You can do better! ( I think)
I believe Himalayan yaks have very small doodads, you know - the cold and all.
Blue Fairy Wrens are the best hung - relatively speaking - I believe.
I would change the hung bits to "Like a blue fairy wren" if I were you.
The yak thing is like an insult.
