I plan on wiping out my atheistic memories

I have anhedonia (absence of pleasure) that is chronic and there all the time 24/7 in which there are never any brief moments of any pleasure. Anhedonia can sometimes occur due to the mind being overwhelmed by stress and turning off our emotions as a protective mechanism. I have developed a severe panic disorder due to phobias. Therefore, this is the reason why I am thinking I am having this anhedonia since my mind has turned off both my pleasure and those fears. But as long as these fears are still perceived as being there, then my mind is never going to ever turn my pleasure back on since that would also turn these overwhelming fears back on as well. However, if I were to somehow wipe out my memory right now, then I would forget these fears and there would no longer be any need to have this anhedonia as a protective response against those fears. As a result, my pleasure should then fully return once my memories have been wiped out.

But I am also an atheist and I detest being an atheist. This is because me being happy in life through a life of full pleasure as well as a life of eternal pleasure is the one and only greatest life to me. Therefore, I plan on setting up my new life if I were to ever have my memories wiped out. This new life would be me having a belief in an afterlife of eternal joy as a reward for my life of any suffering I have here on Earth. It would be a religious belief that has no morals. Therefore, it would simply be just the belief that there is an afterlife and I could have this belief by telling my parents to teach me it in the event that I do have my memories wiped out. Nothing could go wrong with me having this said belief since it is our morals that determine whether we do good or bad deeds in life. For example, some atheists do not have such nonsensical morals that a religious person would have which would be morals that would be very likely to make them do bad deeds. This is because the morals of an atheist are not derived from something that is mythical nonsense such as the Bible.

Some people might say that having a belief in an afterlife could go wrong since believing that you will get what you want in life makes you spoiled and selfish. However, that is not always the case. There are plenty of people who get what they want in life, but don't turn out to be selfish. This is because it is all a matter of what attitude we choose to have in life regarding whatever situation we are in. So you might then be asking me why can't I just change my attitude regarding my atheism. It would be because me being an atheist does not work out for me at all. The one and only greatest life there is to me would be an eternal life of full pleasure. Therefore, since I can't get that life (especially as a reward for my worthless inferior life of no pleasure here on Earth), then my life has no value to me since my pleasure is the only good thing to me and my personal life. I realize that an afterlife does not exist. However, me just simply believing that it does exist and this said belief giving me a false sense of hope, comfort, empowerment, and superiority over this life of suffering, this belief is the only other thing that would matter to me besides my own experience of pleasure in life. This belief would be very likely to make me more happy in life and make me and my life better since it would be a belief that has no morals just like how some atheists tend to be better people with better lives since they have no nonsensical religious morals to make them and their lives bad and/or detrimental. Therefore, me choosing to wipe out my memories would be a "two birds with one stone" situation. I would both have my life of full pleasure given back to me and I would also have the belief in an afterlife that would make me and my life better and would make that said life better in the event that I do have some other major suffering in my life.

In conclusion, some atheists would say that their atheism has made their lives much better since they know the truth and other things. This is the typical response atheists would make if you were to ask them how their atheism has made them and their lives better. However, the reason why these atheists have found greater value in life through their atheism is only because of the fact that they have greater value towards other things in life besides feeling happy in life and having as little suffering as possible. Perhaps these atheists value suffering in life and pushing/striving in this one and only life they will have and pushing/striving despite any major type of suffering in their lives. Perhaps they value knowing the truth over feeling happy. However, I am a completely different person. The only thing that matters in terms of my own personal life would be me feeling happy, having as little suffering as possible, and living on in an afterlife of eternal pleasure of no suffering. Therefore, this is the reason why me having a belief in an afterlife would be the next best thing for me. Also, me living on in some eternal life of bliss with no suffering would never make me bored and will never cause me to go insane. This is not only due to my immense value towards living such an eternal blissful life, but also because if it is a life of no suffering, then there would be no way I could ever go bored and/or insane in the first place since being bored and/or going insane is a form of suffering.