hidden depths

M, Welcome to A2k.

Beautifully expressed, but if I might suggest, the flow would go better in poetic form.

You have several typos, and remember, you may edit those.

This poem is very real to me, and I hope you write more.

Thank you for enjoying my poem. I was unable to write it in poetic form because i needed more room. Thank you again for youradvice and feedback.

not sure what you mean...i tried putting it in poetic form. i also fixed some spelling errors and fixed/added/changed punctuation. i think the concept is good, but the simple repetetive style you are using does not agree with me (2 lines each ending with a rhyming word)...if you could work this into multiple line stanzas, and show how these different epic topics are related, I think it could be very good..but as it stands, I don't think it makes any sense (to me or to you) and it seems more like words were chosen without their real meaning being considered.

Hidden depths of rage and sorrow,
waiting for the dawn of tomorrow.

Love and hate bound as one,
closely entwined to the sun.

Life and death, secrets unknown,
infinite knowledge never to be shown.

The power of wrong and right
are hidden deep within the night.

Ignorance and fear stand apart,
ripped from the sinews of heart.

Faith and trust are thrown aside;
lost upon a wild ride.

Inside the core of terror and fear
loom the shadows that are near.

Honesty and grief are stolen from below,
trapped inside a bottle of a child screaming, "no."

Inseparatable are jealousy and greed;
behold the demon dog, who planted the seed.

Truth and lies are diifferent as can be;
Watch as the blind man begins to see.

Good and evil set at opposite ends,
as the hand of fate begins to bend.

Destiny plays a cruel trick on the weathered face of time...
here endeth the rhyme.

and now we have the poem in all its glory,
Couplets with a touch of allegory.

Good job, stuh.

type a line, M
Hit enter
See?

i really thank you for your honest opioion,its a little hard still for me to hear the bad with the good but i know i still have more to learn truthfully though my daughter whos 15 wrote that poem and i was so amazed and proud of her and the gift at writing that i feel she has at her age ,i think she did a wonderful job and i hope she continues,because i think she has a lot to offer to this world ijust want her to know that i think shes the greatest and i love her,
from mom

how cute