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Color Of Tears

 
 
Reply Sat 12 Jun, 2004 04:57 am
The sky is overcast with dark clouds. A chilly breeze sweeps the lonesome streets from time to time. The incessant shower has resulted in blanketing the roads with a glittering sheet of water. The street lamps cast a dull yellow glow on the murky roads. The breeze gets stronger and colder. A young girl awaits her dream man. She knows that he will come to take her. Take her away from this obscure world. She dreams of a future with bright sun and sweet smelling flowers.... yes, she just knows he will come. The drops of rain become her watch. She sits patiently and wraps the darkness around her. Her mind drifts off to a land of colors. Red. Yellow. Orange. " Is this all mine? All of it? You promise you wont take it away? Promise?" A sudden loud bang on the door startles her awake. She runs outside to meet him. But...only a cold breeze slaps on her face and she breaks down in tears. It keeps on raining. The drops of water from the sky, and from the young girls eyes quench the thirst of the night. The sky changes color. Red. Yellow. Orange. A faint voice is heard, "Is this all mine? All of it? You promise?". He wipes off the last drop of tear from her face. The thirst is over.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 601 • Replies: 2
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cavfancier
 
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Reply Sat 12 Jun, 2004 05:11 am
I love the imagery.
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Harper
 
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Reply Sat 12 Jun, 2004 09:16 am
I would write it in verse form rather than prose.

The sky is overcast with dark clouds.
A chilly breeze sweeps the lonesome streets from time to time.
The incessant shower has resulted in blanketing the roads with a glittering sheet of water.
The street lamps cast a dull yellow glow on the murky roads.
The breeze gets stronger and colder. etc.


The, the, the gets monotonous though. Try rewriting it in poetry form and find a rhythm. And be more descriptive, "overcast and dark clouds" is redundant BTW... but maybe the clouds could be ominous or gloomy, you get the idea. Anyway, creative writing is great therapy, keep it up.
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