MY horror story. Give me advice and help with spelling (i am from Sweden)

Dear Mr.’s Juliette. This is me Jacob. But you know me better as Alex. Or Alexander. I am writing this to you because when you read this I will not exist. I must add that you’ve been a big part of my entire life, like a butterfly needs it´s larvae to exist. But now the day has come. And you knew that so well, because you said it. The 12 of October 1957. “Alexander, why are you doing this? You are mad. Remember that”. And I remembered that. Otherwise I wouldn’t do this.
You will now follow my journey. What journey? You will be asking. Let me introduce you the orphanage. That’s right, the orphanage with the innocent children. You don’t know where I am. I know. Otherwise I shouldn’t be here. I am steering on it right now, the orphanage. It is midnight so no one is awake. Except me. I am moving slowly forward to it, the big black building. It is huge. It must be over thousands of children inside there. I don’t know why I am doing this. It’s just the voice that’s controlling me. Controlling me to do things like this.
The only voice I heard was the voice from craws that screamed for human meat. It was so dark. And it was so windy. It was like they’ve been telling me, that this night, this night I will success and does what I’ve been waiting for on my whole life. I guess I arrived to the door. So fast? Faster then I though. You can´t imagine what’s inside my head. It feels like millions of maggots crawling and eating my brain it hurts. But no. It’s just me thinking of them. Such small door if you compare to the size of the building. The fact that I can’t control my movements drives me crazier than ever. This time I was knocking on the door five times. Without doubting. A small little women opened the door. I was steering at her with my eyes filled with blood. “Hello” –she said. And she was so innocent. Even I could figure it out. The door was fast on its way to close. But I was faster. Faster than her. And I jumped in to the building and grabbed her neck. Held my hand on her mouth so not I single voice could run away and tell the other in the building what happening in this dramatic moment. She was slowly falling down to the wooden floor quieter than ever. I whispered hello in her ear. And again. She was not answering me. What have I done? I cried. Cried loudly. My tears were filled with blood. This was not my purpose. But I realized fast that I couldn’t cry. Not now. Not in this moment. So I was rising up again. Like a skeleton from the dead. Stronger than ever. And more thirsty for killing.
Do you remember what you said to me once? That I would never success. That you would lock me in, call the police and……. never wanted to see me, no more. In that moment I felt abhorrence for you. But I love you. Remember that.
My gaze was dead when I was steering in the big aula. I saw a text “Room 1” it stood. I moved slowly forward to that room. Precisely, room 1. The old wooden floor was creaked when I put my 43 sized feet’s. My steps where heavy. But no matter how loud I putted my feet on the floor. The sleeping children wouldn’t wake up. The door to room 1 opened nearly by itself when I grabbed the handle. At least 50 people were sleeping in this room. This was better than I expected. Every bed had a big gap from next bed, so no one will hear me. I moved quite to the first child a saw. Such a peaceful child with such a horrible future. I picked up while it was sleeping. With those closed eyes and that heavy breath even a nuclear bomb wouldn’t wake it up.
I walked slowly outside of the room 1. With no regrets on what I am doing. Why would I? I have killed a human before. Just for five minutes ago