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Mon 31 May, 2004 01:55 pm
I grew up in an abusive family. There are seven children in my family and we are grown now and have grandchildren. But there has always been problems with all of the siblings getting alone with each other. It just seems to be a family of jealousy and hatred between them. Sometimes, I just feel that it would be better if I didn't have a relationship with any of them because it just brings me down. If I see them it takes me a few days to get back to normal afterwards. My mother was not abusive it was my Dad. He will say today that he has never done anything to anyone. I just sometimes wonder if he feels guilty but he would never admit to it. The kind of abuse that I am talking about is beatings, name calling always putting us down. I am sure that there are others out there that have experienced this also.
Tience--
Welcome to A2K.
Abusive families establish patterns and habits that are hard--but not impossible--to break. You're an adult now with children and grandchildren and you can learn to refuse to play the abusive game.
No one can "make" you stay in a social situation that makes you uncomfortable. If the foofarfawaw starts at your house, ask that it be stopped.
This won't be easy. Do any of your brothers and sisters feel the way you do? Will your spouse support you? Remember, you're all grown up and you don't have to play Abuse any more.
Good luck.
Tience- When it comes to relatives, I look at it this way. If the person were not a relative, would you have him/her as a friend? Life is too short to spend time with people who make you unhappy.
absolutely agree with Phoenix.
abuse
I have perhaps a similar childhood. Bottomline, set a good example for everyone around you. I one day would like to confront my father, but I have decided that perhaps forgiving him blindly is best suited for the situation. His intention were good, his delivery was poor. If I bring it up again, I will just stir up old feelings, and I say let the dead bury the dead. The past is dead. Live the rest of these years in as much happiness as you can.
geezus
I think you are right about letting it die. It just causes grief when a person thinks about it. I know my dad lives in denial.
There is a difference in fathering a child and being a real father. I can't say my dad's intentions were good. What is good about abusing someone? How can you say the intentions were good if you were abused? Most of the time I try not to think about the situation.
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