Down Home Southern Jerry Springer Funeral--legal questions..

We had an interesting scene at the Funeral Home today, and I have resulting legal questions.

My Black Sheep of the Family Uncle was laid to rest, today, but my sister, mother and I are thinking of digging him back up.

<fade in-- fade in>

This man was a very wealthy, terribly handsome, charismatic, pot distributor in town twenty five years ago. He ran through all his money and he, his Satan-worshipping wife and beautiful, brilliant four children left the state. Satan in a skirt divorced him, and withheld his children from him until they were of legal age. The two daughters never spoke to him--the sons did--but they became underachieving drug users, who took turns swindling one another of whatever money they came across. The daughters became overachieving, nevermarrying not-so-unreasonable people.

Uncle lost his teeth, his looks and became an alcoholic. He would crash all the funerals, drunk off his ass--and the Police would always know when he was coming to town--because we always gave them his itinerary. He always spent time in the lock up.

During his drunken state--about 26 years, he married what can only be described as a bleached Roseanne Barr--well, she's a bit more profane and louder than Rosie, and begat a 6 foot 5 inch girl with eyes as big as my head. This girl is huge. Every single part of her is enormous. Anywhoo, both drink like fish. (They're currently getting snockered at one of the three restaurants in this one horse town that serves alcohol.)

Now, these people converged on us from Texas and Chicago. The Texans said they would flat out kill the Chicagoans, and the Chicago contingent said they weren't leaving Georgia without 'some of their Daddy.' Glad they didn't need to saw him into parts, because of the cremation, we still felt we weren't letting go of Uncle, no matter how much hell he'd raised previously.

I'm getting to the problem.

I had the PD send a unit to the funeral just in case, and sure enough the Texas party "pinched, and pulled" the matriarch of the Chicago party, and the police escorted this bitch off the premises. Sadly, it was a Jerry Springer melee, wherin little church ladies heard language they assuredly had never heard before. (As the preacher began the sermon, he said, "Good Lord, we all know this family needs your help.")

<hmm>

The problem-- The Chicago contingent vows they will not leave without Uncle, or at least a good percentage of him. My mother and sister are thinking about us dressing in dark casual wear, digging Uncle up ourselves in the middle of the night, and replanting him after these people have left town.

Isn't this illegal? I'm not so worried about going to jail, but will people think we are involved in crazy rituals, or something? Is this a felony or a misdemeanor?

Thanks.