Help me with my essay for toefl, any critical advice would be helpful

If you could change one important thing about your country, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.



There are numerous things that I consider to be important. It can be public transportation, due to the fact that, it does not always come in time or traffic jam because our road is too narrow, but we have tremendous vehicle on the road. However, I must emphasize that educational system is the thing that I fairly certain that we need to change soon in our country.

Foremost and uppermost, languages. Even though it really depends upon the school. Despite this possibility, majority schools or universities do not provide us sufficient level of English. Consequently it is really challenging for any generation to adopt or get accustomed to English . By way of illustriation I can recall myself trying to comprehend English grammar or vocabulary. It was certainly difficult in some way, but I wanted to learn so badly. However, there is no one can answer my questions. Therefore, it was an obstacle for me to solve any problems associated with English.

Secondly and nonetheless, Time. There are large number of people who do not have time to savvy. Because they tend to work most of their time to earn for a living or pay for tuition. Many people can actually capable of studying and working simultaneously. But, I strongly believe that part-time job will distract you from learning new knowledge. For instance a person that need to take care of his family will be able to study properly if his schedule will not be that tight. It is a win win situation.
By way of a conclusion based on the arguments explored above.I assert that our contry must pay more attention to our educational system. Because of the schedule that many people have trouble to arrange reasonably. And furthermore languages because it is still so poor. So yes. If i will have a opportunity to alter something about my country then educational system will be a number one priority for me.