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Sat 22 May, 2004 09:05 am
My valentine bouquet of red roses
Dumped in a black vase filled with stale water
Fell to the hardwood floor and became an
Impossible puzzle for me to clean.
I salvaged one fresh rose to remember
How things had once felt and appeared, and tucked
It into the lapel of my thin wool coat
Through which the thorns claw and tear at my chest.
Against the rough, worn threads that cover me
The wilted scab-red petals of that rose
Blend like a still moth on abetting bark,
Waiting for a chance to fly off safely.
Perhaps on some windy day my rose-moth
Will flutter off and find a home among
The few red leaves remaining from the fall
Or maybe help another rose to grow.
very nice, more please .........
I really like the imagery but I think editing could make it even better. For instance, the last stanza seems a bit forced and random, and I think it would be better to leave some mystery:
My valentine bouquet of red roses
Dumped in a black vase filled with stale water
Fell to the hardwood floor and became an
Impossible puzzle for me to clean.
I salvaged one fresh rose to remember
How things had once felt and appeared, and tucked
It into the lapel of my thin wool coat
Through which the thorns claw and tear at my chest.
Against the rough, worn threads that cover me
The wilted scab-red petals of that rose
Blend like a still moth on abetting bark
Perhaps on some windy day my rose-moth
Will flutter off to a new home