would anyone like to help with a graduation speech?

I would take the puzzle metaphor to an extreme for laughs. Like, "and the box is like death. After our puzzle is complete and we finally feel we've made something of ourselves, everything we've worked for is ripped to shreds and thrown in the box to await resurrection." Also throw in a metaphor about one time when you finished a puzzle and there was a pieces left over, so you just glued it on in the least conspicuous place, and it kind of detracted from the puzzle. It turns out in went to an inspector gadget puzzle, but by the time you found that out it was too late.

Hey guys... I'm new to this website, but I also need some help with my graduation speech, and since you were so wonderfully critical- and helpful- when you responded to Jay's speech, I thought I would give this a try. Thanks for any input you could give me, it means a lot to me! -Katherine-


Well, we made it- almost. After 12 years of sitting around listening to teachers babble, we've reached that point in our lives when we sit in a hot, stuffy auditorium and listen to me babble. I figure if we've made it this far, we can definitely handle some more speeches. That's why I'm conveniently only going to speak for about, oh, 4 hours or so.
Seriously, some of you are probably looking at me, wondering what I have to say that can be of relevance to everyone in this room. Of course, some of you are probably looking at your watch, your nails, your program, your boyfriend, whatever, but that's beside the point. Actually, I'm the one looking at myself, wondering what I have to say that is of relevance to this class. It's not really an easy question. How can I possibly say something that is relevant to every single person here? There are those of you sitting there, graduating with me, sharing the same building with me for four years, whom I have never had a conversation with. There are also those of you whom I am privileged to call my best friends. Then, of course, some of you who really just don't care, and some of you who will hug and cry and talk about how much you are going to miss the "good old days", or at least that's probably how you're going to spin it to your kids. In reality, chances are that this will make a nice entry in your scrapbook and be put on a shelf for years to come.
This sounds like a huge deal now, I know, and not just because you're probably going to get a nice party and some cash from Grandma Ethel. You want that moment when you can walk across the stage, feeling like a movie-when you flip the tassel over to the other side, thinking, "Dear lord, I hope I don't trip and fall on my face." Kind of similar to that whole prom-grand march thing, except without the limo and the hair appointment.
The weirdest part about this whole night is that you can have that "moment" where you cry and hug and the orchestra plays and the Madrigals sing -hopefully on pitch- and you celebrate this milestone in your life… and then you go home. And then what? The weirdest-or, dare I say, the best part of this is that you get to move on with your life, wherever it may take you. For some of you, you've been waiting since you were 8 to move out and be on your own, and for some of you, you're still adjusting to the idea of doing your own laundry. It's still surreal, I think, to a lot of us- this idea that we are never, ever again in our lives, going to be timed on our "Fire Drill performance," hear another word about Prom fundraisers, freak out about a Physics quiz, or walk down the hallway avoiding the sketchy freshmen. (Of course, that's only until you hit college physics, and become one of the skanky COLLEGE freshmen, but anyway, I digress.)
For some of you, you've wanted senior year to be a movie- Grease, perhaps, only minus the poodle skirts and John Travolta. And in all honesty, some of you could relate better to "Freaks and Geeks", or the girl from "Sixteen Candles", or almost anything else that isn't that picture-perfect view of what high school should have been like. We all have had our share of rough times: bad hair days, bad face days, really bad fashion days, days when you want to bludgeon your teachers with the nearest dictionary, days when just about everyone seems like the most obnoxious person on the face of the planet, or days when all you really wanted to do was forget about that stupid research paper and just go home and sleep. That isn't to say we haven't had our share of good times- we have. And although this would be the perfect opportunity to revert to another "Well, we made it!" cliché, I'll restrain myself. The truth is, we're off to face new challenges, new horizons, and the fact that the "real world"- no, not the real world of MTV fare, but the quote-on-quote "real world" that you've been hearing so much about- well, it can be scary. And full of things that you might not be prepared for. But the best part is, it's the unpredictably that makes this all so cool. Scary, but exciting, and I know I am at least ready to take on whatever life throws me.
So anyways, on behalf of myself, if not perhaps for every single one of you, I would like to thank everyone who has gotten me here today, and, even more importantly, those of you who will be with me on the next part of the journey. I wish you all the best of luck in your own personal futures, and I will now be exiting the stage, because I'm sure you all want to get this over with. So from me to all of you- thank you.


Anyways, that's what I have. PLEASE give me some input, if you have a moment, thank you so much for your help!

Very nice, a good mix of humor and a message that things might not have been perfect, but you're pretty well prepared for the next challenges.

Only 2 things I can think of to nitpick:
(1) Please don't use the word "skanky", find something else, something a bit less offensive. And, I don't think it's what you mean (to me, skanky means dirty or slutty, perhaps there's a meaning I don't know); I think what you may be getting at is a word more like clueless or lost.
(2) I don't believe it's quote-on-quote; I think it's quote-end quote. I know that'll sound the same to the audience, I'm just thinking of if the speech is written down somewhere.

Otherwise, really good.

Oh, PS Congratulations on graduating
PPS Welcome to able2know! :-D

Remember, imagine everyone in the audience sitting there naked.

And don't forget your pants.

I thought it was "quote/unquote."

I thought the speech was pretty good. It has a unique flavor. Seems well thought out, and well constructed. Like Jespah, I have one small complaint on offensiveness. I would take out "dear lord." I know this may sound extreme, the word can be offensive to those who avoid its use.

I no that's not much of a critique, because it was failry sound. If you want I could be more harsh, or offer further ideas. But overall it seems good to go.

I LOVED your tone, and many of the 'slices of life' you used.

My only constructive criticisms would be:
that you are the star of the speech in too many areas. It works in the beginning (tho maybe once too often), but at the end you spoke for the class as you thanked everyone who got you there--rather than everyone who got 'them' there.

"skanky" inappropriate.


Your opening--
Well, we made it- almost. After 12 years of sitting around listening to teachers babble, we've reached that point in our lives when we sit in a hot, stuffy auditorium and listen to me babble. I figure if we've made it this far, we can definitely handle some more speeches. That's why I'm conveniently only going to speak for about, oh, 4 hours or so.
Seriously, some of you are probably looking at me, wondering what I have to say that can be of relevance to everyone in this room. Of course, some of you are probably looking at your watch, your nails, your program, your boyfriend, whatever, but that's beside the point. Actually, I'm the one looking at myself, wondering what I have to say that is of relevance to this class. It's not really an easy question. How can I possibly say something that is relevant to every single person here? There are those of you sitting there, graduating with me, sharing the same building with me for four years, whom I have never had a conversation with. There are also those of you whom I am privileged to call my best friends.

Some of that is OK, especially when it relates to speaking with relevence to others... The thoughts are OK, but the constant references to 'me' and 'I' could be limited by arranging your sentences a bit differently.

You have NAILED the shared experiences--but I wonder if you could elaborate a bit on the future. I see you did make some comments--but they were revolving around the IMMEDIATE future, and not so much on years ahead. (It isn't mandatory that you do that. Just my opinion.)

Anyway--this, IMO, is a VERY STRONG beginning. I, again, commend you on your 'voice' and think you may have talent.

Congratulations, dear, and luck and happiness to you.

Another vote for
quote, end quote.

jay, Just be yourself, and speak from the heart. Most of us don't remember graduation speeches from high school or college. Instead of starting with "wow," I'd say something along the lines of, "I practiced this speech in front of my stuffed animals, but I hope to get a better response from you!" Your sentence starting with "We can thank..." I think you mean "our" instead of "are." Other than that, I would suggest you throw in a couple of jokes. Good luck!

I disagree on the overuse of first person. I don't think they were proportionately overwhelming, but added to the flavor. While I agree that what you are describing CAN be a problem, I don't see it as one in this case. I think it made her seem friendlier, and less stuck up. Too much "I" can make you sound like you think you're important. But also too much "humble" can be as big of a turn off. I think her usage strikes a middle ground.

Wow... I can't believe you guys all responded so quickly! Thank you so much!

I re-read this again, and decided that I really dislike the ending. I feel like I have this honest, humorous look on high school life, and then it sort of falls flat with a generic "I love you all, thank you, blahhbittty blah I'm a silly high school girl." I want some quirky, yet appropriate way to say goodbye, I just can't think of anything.

I agree with "skanky." It's sort of a very commonly used word around here- would "sketchy" be more appropriate, as I used it in the preceeding sentence? (Hah, well, sketchy is just one of my personal fave words.)

Personally, I tend to agree with the non-denominational 'dear lord' or 'dear god' thing, but.. I don't know, "Dear Deity" just doesn't sound quite right. Any other suggestions? I like the sentiment but I'm unsure of the wording. "Dear God/Goddess/Supreme Being?" Nah....

Again, I want to say thank you so much for your criticism and comments. It has been very, very helpful- thank you so much!
-Katherine-

I don't mind skanky very much myself, it depends on your audience I guess.

Overall I agree that you've done a nice job of making it personalized and interesting.

Is there anything you can think of that you could refer to throughout the speech and then come back to at the end to close it all with a bang? You're right, it kind of trails off at the end, doesn't quite have the courage of its convictions. If you could get some metaphor going, or repeated imagery, or SOMETHING that you could then twist at the end a bit, make 'em laugh and cry (I know I know easier said than done.)

Free association exercise for ya -- quick, as soon as you read this, no editing allowed, write one paragraph about high school in 1 minute. You gotta just write whatever is on your mind.

Try Google for graduation jokes. Here's one that will get some laughs.

Graduation Day
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.

"Let's try to make this look natural "she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder."

The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"

That's a parent-perspective joke, not a student-perspective joke. I think the audience here is more her fellow students.

A stock joke (as opposed to situational/ referential/ somewhat plausibly "ad lib" joke) can be tricky, but sure it could work if funny enough.

After the speech was about having teachers and parents there to provide for the students growth, I thought the joke was apropos.

Wow, I was imagining Sofia naked and the clothes just came right off!

I didn't suggest an alteration of the word. I meant to suggest a replacement.

Graduation speech!!! HELP PLEASE!
Hi everyone, i am new to this site and i am in desperate need of help!! I have been selected to do a speech at my high school graduation as well, but mine is a little different. I am to write and present a speech under the topic of "toast to the guys." I have been looking on the internet for help and ideas but i cannot find anything, because of the different topic. I came across this site and i saw the awesome help that was being given to the other speech writers in need of help, and i was hoping you all could help me as well. Now i know i should at least have something started on my speech but i am virtually clueless and inexperienced in writing a speech. I could easily talk about specific memories with myself and my close guy friends, but i would like to keep my speech simply about guys in general so that no one is left out. Basically the guys at my school are the "typical guys" -- car obsessed, girl obsessed, unbelievably competitive, and ALWAYS ALWAYS right! If anyone has any ideas about quotes, jokes, beginnings, endings, or anything that can at least get me started it would appreciated greatly!! Thanks for any help in advance!

Jenny--

The sad news for the poor, unsuspecting motley crew of guys is that their fun is over.

Before long they will be used primarily for carrying shopping bags and scapegoats for all that goes wrong in their wives' futures.

I think they should be told to live it up with reckless abandon, before they become trained by their significant others.

They are consigned to walk this earth, a few feet behind a woman, wondering what they did wrong.

<Sorry. Couldn't resist. Hope you get some help.>

Jenny, First of all, Welcome to A2K. Here's some ideas on the positive side I pulled off the net. "To the guys who give you their smile instead of their problems. To the guys that make you laugh. To the guys who lead by example. To the guys that are kind ... Guys" who participate in the Good Guy Open. Keep striving to be as good of a guy as you can be. The Good Guy Toast ..." Good luck.