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Thu 9 Jan, 2014 06:32 am
Wedding is coming up this summer. My fiancé is the most giving woman I have ever known. She has done more for her family than anybody I know. Whether it's helping when people are sick, Taking grandparents to doctors, helping nieces and nephews with homework, just randomly getting small gifts when she sees something that she knows will make people smile, I could go on and on. There is not a selfish bone in her body. She actually confided in me that she felt selfish for being upset that nobody in her family is being enthusiastic about the wedding. She's got her sister who has her own life problems as we all do and her mother who won't be part of anything unless it's done on her terms. In short we are planning the wedding ourselves, but I feel that there are certain things her family should be helping her with and they are just not stepping up. For example she's got an appointment to try on her dress and has nobody to go with her from her family. I'm sure my mother and sisters will offer, but it's not the same. She really wants her mother and sister to be involved. She does so much for them and it's killing me that they are not being there for her int his one very special time that she needs and wants them. My question is, would I be crossing a line if I called the mother or sister and told them how upset my fiancé is and that it would really mean a lot if they could call her and offer help? I wouldn't be nasty about it, it's just so painful to see her face when she gets off the phone and yet again there was no mention of the wedding or worse yet when she brings it up and they change the topic. I did ask the mother and father for approval to propose to her even though we're in our 30's. They both hugged me and told me they loved me and were so happy and that she finally found me. The mother cried to me that she was so happy. I don't know if they even realize how hurt my fiancé is over the lack of family support.
@In-lovebk0803,
Really sorry to hear that, maybe your fiance should not be so devoted. I guess
@In-lovebk0803,
Sometimes a person who is too organized, strong and "giving" is perceived as the independent one who does not need any help or nurturing herself. I'm afraid your fiance fits this category. Her family probably has no idea that this independent woman now needs attention.
They are not mind readers. She needs to ASK her family for what she needs.
And BTW - watch this in your marriage. If her giving ways become too exaggerated, it can become co-dependency.
@Eliza6826,
I would bring up the subject with the sister ? Ask her if she has the time to maybe to go dress shopping with your fiancé and her opinion would be welcomed.Etc etc . They may feel like they aren't needed because your fiancé is so capable and knows what she wants.? Can't see why they wouldn't want to help... May just need asking. A wedding is a happy event ..all of it. Congrats
@Eliza6826,
Yeah, I wonder about that too sometimes, but she's going to be who she is if that makes sense. It's her nature to be loving and helpful with her family. It's one of the things I love about her. I just get upset when she doesn't receive the same level of effort in return.
@In-lovebk0803,
Perhaps she can back off on her attention to her family.
When you are married, maybe a move is in order to another location.
@In-lovebk0803,
Has your fiancee asked anyone from her family to go to the appointment.
I think it would be weird if you asked if she hadn't already done so.
@ehBeth,
Thanks for the replies. It wasn't about this one thing with the dress appointment. There is more to it. Just an overall lack of excitement or care by her family as they are too caught up in their own issues. I don't think she feels comfortable saying "hey, you guys aren't into this with me, please ask me if I need anything". She doesn't really complain about it, I just see it on her face. She only mentioned it one time to me. I notice it though and I hate seeing her unhappy.
As an update, I did reach out to the sister who was very responsive and apologized and admitted that she was so pre-occupied with her own life that she was neglecting her sister. By me bringing it up to her, she remembered her own wedding and how much her sister helped her and showed excitement. She promised to put in effort and make it special for her sister, we'll see how it goes. Thanks again.
@Eliza6826,
Your fiancé is very lucky, she has you who love her so much and care about her. Though her parents and sister do not give much attention on her, but she has you, which can make up for what she does not have. Good wishes to your love and wedding.
@Eliza6826,
Just open up with your fiance it will help you to understand all this. Try
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