Boorish requests for Freebies

Back nearly 30 years ago when I was Single Again and job hunting in the middle of a recession (overeducated and underqualified) I found it very difficult to explain to people that I was not staying home for their convenience.

Since you'll be home....wait for my plumber... wait for my UPS delivery; let my kids check in with you after school...pick up a few things at the grocery store...

What I resented was the assumption that their time was much more important than my time.

Constantly. I'm a licenced electrician, and people think installing a new outlet is only a five minute job (not replacing, but running the cable in for the new outlet). WRONG. I do occasionally do "love jobs", but only for very good friends.

This is the bane of my existence. I am an archaeologist and am constantly being solicited to provide free advice to individuals or even agencies under legal obligations to preserve cultural resources, or even on occasions to conduct free excavations. All on the assumption that I enjoy doing this so much that the payment of money would sully the experience. In fact I do make myself available to local historical societies, avocational groups, and schools for free lectures or evenings of conversation/identification (lets see what you have in your shoe box) because it has a long term pay back in terms of public good will and information. But I am not a free service provider. What really irritates my (and local historical societies are particularly prone to do this), is to be asked my opinion of a particular site and then find that a major restoration was being proposed which would require archaeological mitigation andthat my ideas were fashioned into a grant application or scope of services proposal with some other archaeologist as the principle investigator.

Gawd, this boorishness is everywhere, eh?

I don't mind doing things for close family members, of course. If my brother needed a house closing in NY, I'd come out of retirement and do it myself, and do all of the research but just charge him something really nominal (e. g. dinner) etc.

When I was first admitted, I was dating a man who did not eventually become my husband. The guy's friend's father wanted me to do a house closing (which I have never done) for $100. I looked into the matter and learned that no one on LI did them for under $500. So, I told the man it would be $1,000. I wasn't bothered by that guy again.

Hey Jes, can ya do my house closing? :-D

When I had just moved here from L.A., and was still thinking like a high-roller, a friend asked me if I would come speak to an arts group he deals with about Deaf issues in conjunction with a Deaf play. I said sure, I'd be happy to, I usually charge $50/ hr for these kinds of things but I'd be willing to reduce my fee. He was horrified. Fee? Fee?

Ah well.

I've been thinking about the mental set of a person who assumes that his/her friends and acquaintances exist to provide his/her world with freebee comforts.

Somehow the freeloader assumes that by knowing a person with specialized, hard-won information that he/she has a right to that information--without cash.

Some of my long ago neighbors were meticulous about returning favors in cash or in kind. Only one couple seemed oblivious to the idea that watching their daughter on a Snow Day might be an imposition.

People!

Oh yeah, soz, I'll be happy to ....

People are amazing, eh? They won't let you borrow a shovel but they're more than willing to impose on you.

The freebies thing is actually covered in Law School, in the Professional Responsibility class. Basically, we're told we're being fools to do work for free, unless it's under an authorized pro bono-type program.