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Sat 20 Mar, 2004 07:04 pm
Here are some poems I wrote...please give me feedback!!
Whisper in the dark
A sliver of light slips through the open window
The trees rustle in the night
Leaves flutter to the ground.
The breeze runs over my body and kisses my nose.
Silence envelopes me as a warm blanket would
Comforting me to my dreams.
Whisper in the dark.
~~~
I am cold
My clammy hands grasp for souls
I am cloaked in darkness
Forever
For I am what scares you most.
What you hate, what terrifies you
I stalk you at night
I run my hands over you
For
I
Am
Fear
~~~
Never will you see
My love for you will never wane as
The moon rises over the
Sky is blue and the day is
Happy friends gather round the
Tree is filled with birds of all
Colors are bleak and dark never quite
Filling us up to the roof
~~~
Comments??
unluckystar ~ you're on the right track.....try to clear your mind from any other poetry you've read or heard.
By all means though ~ keep going.
good stuff
two questions - why are a few of your lines punctuated, while most are't? is that intentional?
i think that the first one would be better if you omit "would" from:
Quote:Silence envelopes me as a warm blanket would
but i'm no expert on poetry...so really it's just what i think.
I meant to do that, like its a continuing sentence....hmmm hard to explain!
BTW, thank you very much Rae!
You're welcome. Keep at it!
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