Ask Scoates

wouldn't grrr brrr season be winter?

Yup, he never claimed to be a genius...

ha!

It is spring. It is just a very cold spring. I'm sorry if your perception was incorrect, and that decieved you.

I thought spring didn't start until March 20th

I'm going by central time.

Oh!

Is Ask Uncle Scoates competetion to Ask Aunty Lowan ?

Crap. I wanted to do one of these threads. I didn't because of the A.A.L thread. Cuz I do know everything, not just pretending. You are pretending, right?

Why aren't eXes called whYs?

Will you get me a job? Where can I find a great (but cheap) hair stylist? (In my own city that is.) How can I prevent my parents' dog from rollin' in other doggies' doodoo?

I have more, but I'll try to pace myself.

I have this theory that if people would stand on their heads for 12 hours a day, they would never become wrinkled (gravity, ya know). Do you think that a publisher would be interested if I write a book about this? Would YOU bankroll me if I have to self-publish?

Turner, no my answers are perfect.

Ceili, they considered calling them Y's, on the basis of that very pun. But it just didn't work out in relationships with players. Players have no regrets, and couldn't call their exes Ys. In fact they refused to, and started their own term (ex) which stuck, since players generate more failed relationships than anyone else combined.

I wasn't aware of this Ask Aunt Lowan thread. That must be the one thing I didn't know.

Hmm....must think of a question....can god commit suicide? Ahh, forget it again, there's already a thread dedicated to that important postulation.

Okay....so, after you make a messy doodie, what is the best wiping method? I have another question. Yeats, a member of the Golden Dawn, was he an Illuminati, or just a Freemason step-soldier?

Phoenix, I encourage you to write the book, but PLEASE don't try to get it published. Not that the idea is bad. The idea is golden. But it's wise to throw the first two or three books you write into the closet and forget they exist. It's good practice, but usually garbage as far as publishers are concerned. If you want this book to be THE book. I mean the great american... um... well, whatever genre you would like to call it, then DO NOT write it yet! Write something else and save this book for when you are experienced.

Caprice, you can be my assisstant! The job doesn't pay anything, but I give free haircuts! And anything free is great. So that's two birds with one stone. Keep you dog on a leash.

Cav, no, he can't, because if he succeeded he would no longer be God. Just like how a window can't be shattered. Because then it isn't a window any more, it's just a bunch of pieces of glass. It's JUST like that.
If you make a messy doodle on paper, the best method to wipe it up is brisk up and down strokes with an eraser.
At heart isn't everyone a freemason stepsoldier? And isn't who we are at heart all that REALLY matters? The answer is no in both cases.

Hey SCoates, you cut hair? Okay, another question...is there any cash to be made selling the sweepings?

Dear Dr Scrotes

I have found your advice most helpful on a number of topics over many posts. However, having tried your recommended liquid MiraculViagrow as directed I am most disappointed at the results. The affected part of my scalp has shown new and quite remarkable growth, but certainly not as I expected. I now find it necessary to wear a hat which has the unfortunate habit of rising almost everytime a pretty girl goes by. Fortunately I am able to disguise this as excessive politeness. Would you please advise a solution with some urgency.

Thank you,

Priapismally

D Head

Steve. How odd indeed. I must confess at the moment I don't recall how you worded your initial request. I do however recall getting the distict impression that you required a growth tonic for your vegetable patch. I can't for the life of me understand how the mix-up came about, but I had recommended the above tonic to rememdy your carrots and rutabagas. I suspect you were somewhat ambiguous in your wording; nevertheless, I apologize, for what it's worth.

Cav, I'll do anything to avoid actually having to pay an assistant. And although I have never cut hair before, I should do just fine. The answer to your second question is no.

Gee, what crappy answers. I want my money back!!!