"Means to an End"

Vicky:
awwwwwwwww.thank you my little séxpot
Jackáss Bryan:
So you don't like Ted Hugheserty at all?
Jackáss Bryan:
you hate her fùcking guts as much as i do?
Vicky:
no.to be honest i only spoke to her that once when you, Sylvia Plath and i were in that convo
Jackáss Bryan:
you know she sent a picture of.. me... to my parents! bítch
Vicky:
of what.............you naked??
Jackáss Bryan:
yes
Vicky:
well how come i didn't get to see this wonderful picture
Jackáss Bryan:
ask her. You know Sylvia Plath wouldn't give me any pictures of her. I don't want pictures of her anyway she's skanky did you ever see a picture of her?
Jackáss Bryan:
awful
Vicky:
no.
Vicky:
oh.hang on.i did see a piture.i remember now.she has blonde hair?
Jackáss Bryan:
if that's what you call blonde, yes. what did you think?
Vicky:
she wasn't all that pretty..........more of a dog's arse if you ask me
Jackáss Bryan:
what was the worst bit?
Vicky:
all of it
Jackáss Bryan:
Ok then-- Ted Hugheserty didn't set you up. cause you know her and Sylvia Plath have all these weird plans.
Me:
why would Sylvia Plath want to get at you?
Me:
You're best friends
Vicky:
yeah.
Vicky:
actually i thought you werebest friend too?
Me:
Sylvia Plath would stop anything like this happening. She loves him so much, he could stop her from doing anytnibg,
Me:
who me and Bryan?
Vicky:
no. Sylvia Plath and bryan
Jackáss Bryan:
we are! he's a sound bloke. Sylvia Plath's not in control at all. Ted Hugheserty could have a horrible idea and he'd just go along with it because he loves HER so much.
Vicky:
i love you for you bryan...not cos anyone has set me up.i liked you fromk the first time we spoke
Jackáss Bryan:
i doubt that, if it came to it, hed choose me over his love
Vicky:
you just realise how madly im in love with you
Jackáss Bryan:
i love you too.
Jackáss Bryan:
it wasnt from the start but your growing on me
Vicky:
it was.i was telling Sylvia Plath to call you all them times at work(i think)to come online because i missed you dearly.
Jackáss Bryan:
aw. well you and me should meet up and videotape it and send it to Ted Hugheserty
Vicky:
and everytime at home,i would phone Sylvia Plath and at school, and tell him that i loved you
Vicky:
haha
Jackáss Bryan:
hahah what
Vicky:
that would be a great idea
Jackáss Bryan:
so you'd help
Vicky:
yeah
Jackáss Bryan:
fantastic! should i come over to you or oyu to me
Vicky:
i dont know.ill sort something outill make room for you
Jackáss Bryan:
you can come over to my place sooner the better
Jackáss Bryan:
when then?
Vicky:
i don't know.it depends on what you would do for me....prehaps a little favour
Jackáss Bryan:
anything for you my love, my séx kitten
Vicky:
awwwwwwww.
Jackáss Bryan:
what is it then?
Vicky:
would you dress up in women's clothes?
Jackáss Bryan:
What?
Vicky:
will you dress up in women's clothes??for me
Jackáss Bryan:
why?
Vicky:
so you can pretend to be a transvestite and do a strip show for mw
Vicky:
me**
Jackáss Bryan:
Can't I wear men's clothes?
Vicky:
no.it's gotta be women'smore saucier
Jackáss Bryan:
but why? why do you want me to dress up in women's fùcking clothes?
Vicky:
men in women's clothes turn me on
Jackáss Bryan:
really? why?
Vicky:
in a little pink dress with flowers on itthat will do
Vicky:
cos.it's easier to pull off their clothes
Jackáss Bryan:
and you'll do Anything I ask if I do this?
Vicky:
yeah
Jackáss Bryan:
I suppose so then. but we're not taping this part.
Vicky:
yes we are
Jackáss Bryan:
why the fùck do you want to tape me, wearing women's clothes, doing a striptease for you?
Vicky:
pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefor meyour little séx kitten
Jackáss Bryan:
why tape it tho?
Vicky:
so we can show Ted Hugheserty how much fun we have without her
Jackáss Bryan:
lmfao! but why would you want to show Ted Hugheserty me wearing women's clothes. she'll just think 'freeek' and then forget about it. why women's clothes is that what fun is to you?
Me:
you said you'd do anything for your séx-kitten, munchkin
Vicky:
then you obviously don't love me
Vicky:
if you won't do that for me
Jackáss Bryan:
i dont love u because i wont dance around in womens clothes?
Vicky:
you don't love me?and you said you would do anything for me
Me:
if you loved her, you'd do anything
Vicky:
i'll dance round in men's clothes for you
Jackáss Bryan:
lol!
Jackáss Bryan:
why Tape it tho?
Vicky:
cos i want tro send it to Ted Hugheserty and make her jealous of me and you being together
Jackáss Bryan:
ok then. i suppose i'll do it. and you'll do anything for me then
Vicky:
make her feel guilty spliting up with you
Vicky:
yesi promise ma ickkle séxy hunk
Vicky:
*mwah *
Jackáss Bryan:
were gonna make her feel guilty by showing me dancing around in women's clothes. why does she like men dancing around in womens clothes?
Vicky:
no.she doesn't get that sort of thing off Sylvia Plath(i should know as im Sylvia Plaths bestie friend)
Vicky:
so we're gonna make her jealous.
Me:
but she'd like to but Sylvia Plath just won't do it.
Jackáss Bryan:
oh, so she'd feel jealous that shes lost someone who wears womens clothes, right?
Vicky:
no.your not just going to dress up inthem.your going to puit on a strip show for me
Vicky:
im going to love that
Jackáss Bryan:
and she likes men dressed up like women doing stripteases?
Vicky:
yes
Jackáss Bryan:
how the fùck do you know if you're not her friend
Vicky:
Sylvia Plath told me.but he just don't want to do it
Me:
Because, dear, everyone wants that really. And I remember talking to her. She was talking to Sylvia Plath at the time and calling him Sylvia Plath.
Jackáss Bryan:
so why should I do it and not Sylvia Plath?
Vicky:
because you love me with all your heart
Me:
Yes, Sylvia Plath doesn't love Vicky. You do. Yes, she would love something like that, but Sylvia Plath is too prudish. So go on, show her how great you are.
Jackáss Bryan:
ok. I will do it.
Me:
are you certain that youll do all of this, taped?
Jackáss Bryan:
yep
Vicky:
so what would you like in return my jaffa cake
Jackáss Bryan:
wait a minute, so what do you want me to wear?
Vicky:
a pink dress with white flowers on it
Jackáss Bryan:
and what else? Nothing?
Vicky:
and pink thongs
Me:
what about a bra or suspenders or something lol
Vicky:
ermmmmmmmmm.yeah
Jackáss Bryan:
what type?
Vicky:
black suspenders
Vicky:
any.you choose.your doing it
Vicky:
so surprise me
Jackáss Bryan:
lmfao! how am i meant to buy all that tho?
Jackáss Bryan:
how can a guy go into a shop to buy That?
Vicky:
well.just say your buying it for your girlfriend
Vicky:
or maybe get something saucy from ann summers
Jackáss Bryan:
o, right. And youll do anything I ask you. alright.
Vicky:
yeah.
Jackáss Bryan:
Ann Summers, ok. what would you suggest?
Vicky:
ermmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Vicky:
anything you want.you surprise mei can't wait
Vicky:
and what would you like in return?
Jackáss Bryan:
oh-- anything i want. ok
Vicky:
would this pleasure you as much as it would me?
Jackáss Bryan:
what, the whole thing or the women thing?
Vicky:
ill dress up as britney spears.she seems to wear a birthday suit
Vicky:
the dancing?
Jackáss Bryan:
if it pleasures you it pleasures me kit, rrar
Vicky:
*mieow*
Me:
so--- when will you two crossdressing lovebirds meet up?
Vicky:
oh he can choose
Jackáss Bryan:
1st March?
Vicky:
the sooner,the better
Jackáss Bryan:
ok-- 1st March. i'll come over to brminghem can't wait to see you!
Vicky:
no.it's okay.ill come to ireland
Jackáss Bryan:
really

Vicky:
yeah.but theres another wish
Jackáss Bryan:
you said just one!
Me:
dont you want to pleasure the love of your life?
Vicky:
well...........theres one more last thing
Jackáss Bryan:
ok, what is it?
Vicky:
when we meet would you let me f*** u up the áss with a díldo@
Jackáss Bryan:
WHY
Vicky:
it gives me pleasure aswell.
Jackáss Bryan:
it doesn't give Me pleasure
Vicky:
i want to be in total control of this video
Vicky:
do you knlow what my Jane Austenb is??
Jackáss Bryan:
so, you want to fùck me with a díldo. whilst i'm dressed as a woman?
Jackáss Bryan:
what's your Jane Austenb?
Vicky:
yeah.
Vicky:
a stripper
Jackáss Bryan:
but you must be 16!
Vicky:
i am 16
Jackáss Bryan:
that's young for a stripper.
Vicky:
i do birthday parties
Jackáss Bryan:
so what would my name be in this video?
Vicky:
ermmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Vicky:
emma
Jackáss Bryan:
Nice name
Jackáss Bryan:
ok then-- for unlimited pleasure from you.. you want me to?

Jackáss Bryan:
well you can just fùck off you closet bum chum. Ted Hugheserty, you can be ted hughes and go with sylvia plath to the fùck away from me

The Bomb has left the conversation.

Me:
lol!!!!!!
Vicky:
haha
Vicky:
ive save trhis convo
Me:
what a freak
Me:
me too!! I'm going to put it all up on Sylvia Plath's site
Vicky:
lol.
Me:
I'm going to go back to my usual address. brb
Vicky says:
kk
Me:
you're definitely getting Peterborough pásses btw-- i'll get them for you after this.

---------------------FINIS-----------------------------

*None of the parties except "Bryan" used the name "Sylvia Plath".

Is this a masterpiece, or what? How it amuses me! I'm only sorry that you weren't all there to see it all emerge. This is, I ássure you, the product of said girl's imagination-- but even I wouldn't imagine Busted díldos!

with love,
Nick ([email protected])

I should explain a little more.

The whole of the speech, from the 'explanation' at the start to the 'oh, so pleased' at the end is from the standpoint of a woman, the 'me' character, who has manipulated two far-from-innocents into embarrassing themselves: one for the hope of the Me character's love, and the other for passes to a concert.

I was trying to see how wrong priorties can affect...

Can't speak for anyone else, but I can do without cruelty myself.

Me too.

If this were an actual piece that cruelintentions had written him/herself, I might commend it slightly, despite its... disturbing nature. Yet, it reads as if this is an insupportable joke in an IM conversation... hmm...