joe1949
 
Reply Sun 7 Mar, 2004 02:38 pm
Razz

So peaceful,just the sound
Of birds in the trees
A graveyard silence
Loved ones rest in peace.

Old man with flowers in hand
I seen him stand in prayer
He seems so sad
Some words of comfort.

Sorrow in his eyes
Losing his loving Wife
Not so long ago
I had seen them together.

Now time just drifts away
Looks at me with sadness in his face
A tear from his eye
She was his partner,best friend.

Driving home, his words came back to me
Words from the heart
He was a gentleman, of the very best.

As night in desperate quiet,
My soul speaks to God
"Keep the ones I love,
Safely in your wings".
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Letty
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Mar, 2004 03:03 pm
My word, McJoe. I thought you had returned to the old "sod". Razz

What was that smiley face all about?

anyhow, the theme of your poem was beautifully sad, and faithfully expressed.

You might want to change "I seen them together" to "I had seen them together.

I am not certain who is speaking the words..."at night I pray to God...." Was that the narrator of your poem or the old man?

You might think of a better way to say that, however. Perhaps something like:

As night, in desperate quiet, my soul speaks to God...
Keep the ones I love safely in your wings...
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joe1949
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Mar, 2004 04:46 pm
Letty thanks for your advice i have used your
words if it is ok.
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joe1949
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Mar, 2004 04:55 pm
Letty it was the narrator.
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Letty
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Mar, 2004 05:44 pm
Ok, honey. You can use my words any and at all times. Quite flattering, really.
0 Replies
 
joe1949
 
  1  
Reply Mon 8 Mar, 2004 11:00 am
Thanks Letty, that means a lot
0 Replies
 
 

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