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Tue 17 Feb, 2004 01:11 am
I received this email today and I thought, heeey, we could do this.
Here is a list of backhanded two line valentines poems, but we could do this on any topic, be creative - have fun.
This is from an unknown contest.
The poems had to be short, in fact only two lines. The winning poem had to have the most romantic first line but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the candidates:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
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I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
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Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
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Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
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Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not.
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I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
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I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
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My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
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I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
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My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
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My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "Go To Hell".
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What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
You are the dream girl who's stolen my heart.
You are the reason I'm falling apart.
Roses are red, violets are blue
I'm in love with myself, and I'm sure, so are you.
You are rich, intellegent and funny
To bad, I'm in this for the money.
Roses are red, violtes are blue,
I am feeling randy, are you ?
I've finally found someone who can really share
But it isn't you, so get out of my hair
You are a picture of a summer's day
In England: dull, unchanging, stubborn, grey.
Time heals, they say, but I suppose,
I never shall forget your giant nose.
You're the girl of my dreams, I'm constantly dreaming
Except for the times when I wake up screaming.
You're the solid-gold epitome
Of the greatest masculinity:
When not making car sounds, you are mooning:
There's no wonder why I'm always swooning.
I find myself longing for you all the time,
to shave your legs, you porcupine!
I think of you as a dream come true,
But I have enough nightmares, go find someone new!
I love I love you I love you true;
(psssssssst)had to say it the rent is due.
Words about you, dear, cannot express my appreciation:
Thanks to you, a new mental disease is now known by the nation.
The moment I met you my heart skipped a beat,
You're face was so ugly I fell off my seat
Every hour with you seems to pass by too fast:
What fool said that lewd jokes belonged straight in the past?
I think that true love has found me at last,
so stay away from me, you incorrigible ass.
You are as timeless as the morning bell
That sends the bad to Heaven, good to hell.
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