WHAT MADE YOU GRIMACE & GRIT YOUR TEETH TODAY?

From his post it seems straight forward. He was honoring his wife's last wishes to inform us at A2K. I can understand that. It was important to her.

Having read someone else's suicide note, it's completely understandable.

I don't think there's anything sinister here at all.

I did not know JoanneDorel, I'm new here, and I don't know anybody here either. But, this situation has upset me, and I need to say it so I can feel better. I'm just amazed at a forum that seems to know each other for many years, claim to be friends, and yet nobody could see something like this coming. Where was her family too? I'm not blaming anybody, I just don't understand how things like these happen. It reminds me of Ella Wheeler Wilcox poem on Solitude.

Angelique,
A few of us had been planning a meet up with Joanne later this month in NYC. She seemed to be in very good spirits and said she was excited about meeting all of us.
This makes it so much more difficult to take. It was an utter shock to everyone as far as I can tell.
I'm still in disbelief.

I'm in shock, and I can't stop thinking about it.

Understood...

Well, it just goes to show you that you can never really know what thoughts might be lurking in someone's head. I heard somewhere that people who are very depressed and possibly suicidal actually appear to be happy right before they finally do take their own lives. Something about having finally made the decision to do it makes them appear outwardly to be serene and at peace. I don't know that anyone would be able to know what she was planning to do though, especially after all the years she'd been suffering with this.

You are right Kicky. May she be at peace now. I thought I had made my heart hard to death, I guess I have not.

AE, I think one of the things many of us have learned over the years is how difficult it can be when an online friend dies - in whatever manner. Turns out there is something very real in the relationships that develop, even if we never meet. I think it's a bit shocking the first time you have a personal reaction to an online friend/acquaintance's death.

JoanneD sent me an email last week - with her home number - so we could co-ordinate meeting in New York City. She seemed so happy - really looking forward to the get-together.

I've known her online for close to six years, have seen her through a number of ups and downs. Came to love her exuberant sense of humour and love of art, and just, her.

While a number of us had talked to her, online, on some of her dark nights over the years, I don't think anyone knew this possibility was there. I've been second-guessing all of my online discussions with her since I read her husband's post on Saturday. But then when I scroll back through her postings - I see smart, happy, long-legged, red-haired, red-hatted JoanneDorel. I'll miss her, and thanks to A2K, I'll always be able to go back and smile at JoanneD's witty posts - just as I'll always be able to go back and let cavfancier make me giggle one more time.

I think you need to be realistic and accept that what you see of one another on a forum, or even through the odd email exchange, is by definition only going to be a slice of the other person's life and reality. And a rather thin one at that, because people can select what they show and what they don't show in a way that you don't always have the choice to in physical encounters.

I mean, it's true for 3-D life too, of course: how many of our colleagues and neighbours know how we really feel, what we've gone through or what's deep inside? Loneliness is invisible... But definitely if you only know each other from online, unless you spend hours chatting, it's just a window you get, just a window.

I pulled through. <nods>

I had to work all weekend, and it's almost 3 AM now - but there. I did. Delivered. In time.

<crazy grin>

That's a wmyst, not a wmygytag!!!

(Congrats!)

this guy at work gave me a hard time yesterday.
i've worked with this guy for 2 or 3 years, never had a problem with him before.

he wanted me to do something that would've taken him all of 2 minutes.

"RP", he said, "the onus is on you to do this."

after L-ing MAO, i told him i'd take care of it.
(anything to get him to leave my cubicle!)

i chalk it up to pressures he's under to get the project done on time... but at the same time he lost my respect with his actions and words.

The heels on my feet that i have worn since 5 am. Which has killed my feet.

Somebody save me from the rants of Russians.

(OK, so Ive had an hour and a half drinking coffee and reading the paper in Eckermann, and then two hours pleasantly chatting with Susannah in Mai Mano, to recover, but I tell you, these Russians can go off on some topic or other and just go out there!

And today, I was unlucky enough to already be a bit tired (tho happy) and then have had some (rare) disagreement with my colleague A., and then first the Russian, then the Byelorussian got into some thing to me - the Russian, kind but (more than) slightly odd nerd, on some soliloquiy on gun ownership, personal responsibility, the state and morality; the Byelorussian, stopping by to inquire what was up afterwards, on some interesting but fatigueing sweeping lament/overview on the nature of Russians.

I was drenched after that, I can tell you. What is it that makes them think I'm the perfect audience? (Well, I know, its cause I politely nod and smile and sometimes laugh - and intermittently do indeed get interested, then get sorry when I realise I've triggered another flourishful or agitated elaboration.)

One good thing: they make me appear so normal - and thats fersure a pleasant surprise

sozobe - my bet friend has coasters w the pic from your avatar that say "chicks kick ass"... she has another one that says "being bitchy and unpredictable is part of my mystique".. or was it ëmotionallly unstable""... i dunno <s>

This may make me seem like a beyotch, but..... my sister is fairly ill and I can't seem to muster up much sympathy. When her hubby gets sick, she calls him a wuss. When I got sick with a 104 degree fever and flu, she still needed me to work for her (I care for her kids). I had to work for her with an ear infection. She almost never gets sick, but right now she is. She's in pain and feels flu-y and nauseous. And she has a low fever. She had her husband leave work early to drive her home. It sends me barrels (an expression I love from Boomer's Baby Mo).

Sucks when you care for someone, but can't muster up the strength to nurture, eh? <s> I know just how ya feel!

Yep, arji, it does suck. And part of the grimacing and gritting comes from feeling bad about myself.

that's what grimmacing and gritting is for. <g>

damn good thing you can bitch about it, too! KUDOS! <smiles>

I think it's important to see that sometimes ... your relationships just suck. <s> has nothing to do with how you feel about a person or something.

r.g.