Whats it like having cancer or watching someone you care about deal with cancer?

@GracieGirl,

GracieGirl wrote:

Hi Roberta!

You got tattooed?! Do you still have the dot? Whatd it feel like when they tattooed you? Did you cry?

Off subject but, do you have any real tattoos? Like, cool ones?

How'd you feel once all your cancer was gone? I know you still had/have to deal with radiation stuff but did you feel relived and happy and stuff or were you just like 'Okay, thats over, now I've got to deal with sucky radiation side effects'?

Yes, I got one dot on my abdomen and three on my neck. If you knew me better, you wouldn't even ask if I have other tattoos--cool ones. No, I don't.

Once the radiation was over, I was too exhausted, drained, and miserable to feel much of anything. And I didn't view the end of the radiation as the end of the cancer. I was checked regularly for five years on the first cancer. I got a clean bill of health last year. That's when I felt relief. And I'll feel relief about the throat cancer five years after the radiation. Not a minute sooner.

One more note. The immediate side effects of the radiation were so overwhelming that the long-term side effects were irrelevant.

Debilitating. You can't imagine. Throat radiation. I had no solid food. Could barely swallow liquids. I was in agony. Couldn't talk at all. Lost almost fifty pounds in six weeks. Blech.

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@GracieGirl,

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When you had chemotherapy did it hurt you? Like, did it make your hair fall out and give you bad side effects and stuff?

I had two instances of chemotherapy. The first was a "moderate" regimen. My hair did not fall out. The only problem, was when I stopped it, I became extremely discombobulated from the prednisone in the "cocktail", and ended up in the ER. That was the doctor's fault. You are supposed to go off prednisone gradually.

The second chemo was right before my bone marrow transplant. I was given a 5x normal dose, in order to destroy my blood making system. My hair did fall out, and during the chemo, (it took a few days.I don't remember how many), I think that I was on sedatives, and in the hospital.)

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And what was the lump on your arm like?

Imagine 1/2 of a golf ball (w/o the dimples) under skin. It didn't hurt. No, you could not pop it. I would expect that the mass was made up of ever increasing cancer cells. The thing about cancer cells, they are very weak and immature. The problem is, that they grow very fast, and overwhelm the cells that are supposed to be there.

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Did you celebrate when your cancer was gone? You said you went right back to work!

I came home around Memorial Day, and went back to work (part time) after Labor Day. It was a slow recovery, as I was very weak when I first came home. As far as celebration is concerned, I got a birthday card from my husband for years on the date of my transplant, March 28, 1990. (Do you get it now?)

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@Roberta,

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Phoenix, I felt as if my body had turned against me. We have met the enemy and it is me!

My exact sentiments, Boida!

On another post, you spoke about your radiation, and the side effects. The problem was WHERE you had the radiation. Anything around the throat can be grueling.

I had radiation on my thigh, and my arm. In my case, there were few side effects, except in one instance. Before my transplant, I was given radiation to whatever lumps I had developed, and subsequently had the chemo, before the transplant. I had an area on the underside of my arm, that started to itch, after the radiation and chemo. So I scratched. The skin became a bit mottled.

Just checked it out now. It is in an area that is not really noticeable to other people. The skin is slightly darker than the rest of my arm, but the wrinkles conceal it!

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@GracieGirl,

Hi back and I have already met you because I often read what you write.

My sister had breast cancer and surgery was set up. The surgeon ordered an MRI and that showed lung cancer. Her surgery for the breast cancer was cancelled and she had surgery on her lung. It all happened so fast, within weeks, so it was hard to comprehend.

It was only another month later that she had surgery for her breast cancer. It was good news. The PET scan, the CAT scan and the lymph nodes showed no spreading.

Then she called me to tell me she was having strange headaches. I called her doctor and he ordered an MRI. Now she has brain cancer. The breast and lung cancer were independent. One did not spread to the other.

I do know that her brain cancer is secondary, yet the doctors can't find the source.

As far as jhort, he/she is entitled to an opinion so who are we to judge.

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@trying2learn,

Your post made me think of one of the misconceptions people have about cancer.
Certain cancers tend to metastasize (spread) to specific places. (Lung cancer/brain, breast cancer/bones, etc.)

If a person has breast cancer which spreads to the bones, it is still breast cancer, not bone cancer. Each type of cancer cell has a different "design", which can be determined by a pathologist, using a microscope.

Some time back, I was worried about something I had found. It turned out to be nothing. I quipped to my doctor, "One cancer to a customer". He said that was not true. He stated that if a person has cancer, there is a higher probability that he/she will develop another, unrelated cancer.

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@Phoenix32890,

I learned that and for my sister to have 3 different cancers so close together is unusual.

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edgarblythe wrote:

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When my brother told me he had terminal cancer and that he had no options before him but chemotherapy, I knew I would lose him. The doc told him he had one year. In other words, he knew my brother could not survive the treatment. But he insisted it had to be done, because no other treatment was to be offered by established medicine. Sam was tortured and emaciated and true to the doc's word, he died. Sam did not understand that when the chemo knocks out the primary tumor(s) the cancer is triggered to spread quicker and to form new tumors at an increasing rate. There are situations in which chemotherapy can save a life. But, not in a case like Sam's. After decades of failure, you would think the medical establishment would admit it. Sam told me, "I never thought it would be like this." He told me later the same day, "If I knew then what I know now, I would not have had chemotherapy."

Wow edgarblythe! Thats terrible. Im sorry about your brother. Chemotherapy can make your cancer worse? Do the doctors tell people that? Did the chemo make your brother sicker because it was a long time ago and chemo wasnt as good as it is now? Do you think he wouldve lived longer without chemo, or do you think he wouldve died in a year like the doctor said just without chemo it wouldnt have been soo hard for him and he wouldnt havent have been in soo much pain?

I don't want to turn this thread into an argument about means to treat cancer. It was my intent to share my experience with my brother. Chemo rarely has new innovations, other than they can limit its use to areas, rather than whole bodies. So, it depends where the cancer is located and how wide spread if it can be used successfully. In my brother's situation, as with Steve Jobs and many thousands of patients, they offer no options, other than in some cases experimental treatments that always have narrowly limited success. I don't know that Sam could have been saved by any other treatment. After all, I am not trained in any protocol, mainstream or otherwise. It is my opinion that he could have been saved by alternative, unapproved by the FDA, methods, but people pronounced terminal generally do not survive.

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@edgarblythe,

I am sorry that your brother died. When I read he was tortured, that made me sad. I don't understand what you mean by tortured?

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@trying2learn,

The process he underwent had him in pain, as well as emaciating the body. He had to take something constantly for it and it was never enough. Each time he returned from chemo he was worse than before.

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@edgarblythe,

I am so sorry for you and him. Cancer really sucks. I am in tears reading what you wrote. Thank you and the others for sharing.

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@trying2learn,

Yeah, I have had a few deaths in the family from cancer as well as many family members that were able to overcome the disease. Most of us know at least one person who has had to battle the disease.
It's hard to see sometimes that good things can eventually come out of our hardest situations and that is the best encouragement I can offer. Just be there for her is the best advice I can give. Sounds like you are doing that already.

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@Philippos,

I can't imagine what it feels like to have cancer. What I do know is it is horrible. Thank you for your advice.

One of the questions was watching someone you care about deal about cancer.

When they have to go to the bathroom and soil their bed, you tell them it is okay and clean their bed. When they are so weak to eat, you feed them. When they can't take a bath or shower, you help them.

You wrote I am there for her and it isn't enough. I want answers! I want a cure! No one should have to suffer cancer. You would think doctors and scientists would have answers by now.

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@GracieGirl,

GracieGirl wrote:

You got tattooed?! Do you still have the dot? Whatd it feel like when they tattooed you? Did you cry?

Gracie, Something you said has been on my mind. I couldn't understand why you asked me if I still have the dots.

Kid, tattoos are forever. Although there are ways to remove them, these ways are expensive and often painful.

Picture this. You get one of those "cool" tattoos. A kitten on your shoulder. You grow older. You've still got the kitten on your shoulder. You're sixty years old with a kitten on your shoulder.

Worse yet, you get some guy's name tattooed on your arm. You break up with him. His name is still there. You meet somebody else. The first guy's name is still there.

Tattoos shouldn't be casual decisions. And they should be chosen and placed with the future in mind.

That's it. Lecture over.

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@Roberta,

Quote:

Picture this. You get one of those "cool" tattoos. A kitten on your shoulder. You grow older. You've still got the kitten on your shoulder. You're sixty years old with a kitten on your shoulder.

The kitten is still there, but it is two inches lower on your body!

Most eras have fads that are symbols of a young person's rebellion. Most fads are later relegated to the dustbin of history, and fond memories of youth. The exception are tattoos. (I think that you can tell that I am not a fan of tattoos!)

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@Phoenix32890,

Dara 'O Briain summed it up well enough.

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@edgarblythe,

I just got done talking with my sister's oncologist. The tumors are back and all they can offer at this time is chemo. She is going to die and the chemo will do little if anything but make her quality of life worse than it is now.

She is having the chemo. If it were me, I wouldn't but it is her choice and she didn't ask me what I would do. With what she has been through, the amount of tumors, the location of these tumors and the rate they are growing, I doubt she has much time.

It hurts to watch someone you care about die from cancer. It is hard for me to imagine life without her.

She has a wonderful oncologist. He works from early morning until late at night and on weekends too. He is so dedicated and caring so at least I know she has a great doctor.

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@trying2learn,

It sounds like a replay of what happened to Sam. My sincerest sympathy. I am too emotional to say more now.

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@GracieGirl,

GracieGirl wrote:

Hi thack45!

You were still in high school?! If you were a sophomore or a junior, then you were only a little older than I am. I cant even imagine having cancer or thinking that I could die while I'm still a teenager. I havent even gotten a chance to have fun yet! What'd you do when you found out and whatd your friends say or do? Did they try to help you feel better? How long did you have cancer? Did you still go to school?
How'd you get cancer anyway? Does it run in your family or did it just happen?

You had depression before you had cancer? Why? What made you soo sad? That really sucks thack. Thats really sad. You wanted to die? But what about your dad and your friends? Do you have any sisters or brothers? Weren't you scared to leave them all behind?

You felt 'death"? What'd it feel like and was the cancer making you sick and causing pain or was it the chemo or both? What'd you feel like when the cancer was gone and you were healthy again? And do you mean 'reckless abandonment' as in like, you 'lived life to the fullest' and stuff or do you mean after the cancer you just did what you wanted and didnt care what happened to you?

I'm glad you're okay thack. I really mean it. Your cancer stuff SUCKED! Now that you got the stem cell transplant you can never get cancer again just like Phoenix, right?

Hi Gracie. I know my response is a little late but, you know, blablabla ... whatever Smile

Anyway, I'll do my best to answer all your questions:

I don't remember exactly what I or my friends did after I found out. I will tell you that although getting cancer at that age might seem scary (usually more so to family and the like), having friends that I saw every day in school (yes I still went to school) was absolutely instrumental in helping me get through it.

Yes I had depression before I had cancer--though it'd be another decade before I knew what depression even was. I still do have it. But what made me sad was the depression. It's clinical, not emotional. Anyway, I didn't "want to die" so much as I was getting really frustrated with living. And I was entirely too self-involved to consider how my family or friends felt about it. Don't be fooled... I may have been sick, but many times I was a real **** about it.

When I said I "felt death coming", I wasn't talking about the chemo. I'd had plenty of spells of pain in the lymph nodes in my neck and had flu like chills and night sweating. That time was waaaay worse. You know when you're really sick and all you can do is lie in bed and sleep? The pain was so bad that I literally could not fall asleep. I could only lie there freezing and shaking for several hours, essentially conceptualizing over and over, "this could be it"-- until that spell subsided.

I think it was less than a month after I got out of the hospital when I got a part time job. I also tried to go to college (I had two classes and went to each one once--not a great student). As you put it, I just did what I wanted. I think for some, a side effect of surviving cancer can be a perpetual feeling that nothing is worth investing time because "who knows when it'll come back?". Basically, it can stunt your emotional growth. And the depression didn't help either. It wasn't until a couple of years after I met my wife that I really shook that mentality.

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@trying2learn,

Like edgar, I can offer little more comfort than familiarity with circumstances. I'm deeply sorry to hear this about your sister.

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@edgarblythe,

I am sorry because I didn't mean to make you emotional. I just don't know what to do to help her and being there isn't enough for me. What you wrote made me think and now it is reality. I am truly sorry for what Sam and you had to endure.

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Whats it like having cancer or watching someone you care about deal with cancer?

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