zburley
 
Reply Sun 26 Feb, 2012 02:16 am
In my life I have been happy once. That was when I found the girl of my dreams, even though she lived 1000 miles away. I have free flying benefits so I able to visit her often over the summer. We were both in love, then when we went off to colleges in the Fall we started growing apart. We still talk now but ever since we broke up I have had this huge hole in my life.
I have tried a great many things to make myself fulfilled again, religion, working out, school, work, parties, alcohol, being active, and while I enjoy many of these things I just don't feel the same way I did with her. I was never really happy before I met her, more like content with life. But now after experiencing what I did with her, I can't go back to the way I was before. What am I supposed to do?
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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 2,185 • Replies: 15
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MrsVISHOUS2012
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Feb, 2012 02:50 am
@zburley,
:\ I am really sorry for you're break up...and i admit im not an expert when it comes to relationships but to me it sounds like you were really in love with her...Why did you two break up? The distance thing can be hard and since you two are young i guess it happens...But all relationships have their hard times, do you think you two could have stuck it out?
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 26 Feb, 2012 04:40 pm
@MrsVISHOUS2012,
Ummm...it takes two to make it work, not just him. And she may not have been as into it as him.

In answer to the OP's question - I'm guessing that the problem is that, whatever you are doing...you are still thinking of her even as you are doing those other things.

This is unhealthy for you on two fronts :
- it keeps you longing for her, not allowing you to heal
- it's rendering everything you do washed out, grey, dull, and probably meaningless

In other words, it's keeping you from putting your heart into other things, and keeping you from finding meaning in these other things.

She was a treasured part of your life, and you will always have memories, but it's time for you to let go, and give the other activities in your life the attention they deserve...to allow them to have meaning in your life...which will allow them to be more treasured, and which in turn will lead to you thinking of her less, and less.

Or, in another way - when you do an activity, put your focus into that activity...consciously choose to not think of her, and then give your focus and attention to what you are doing - be in the moment with what you are doing - put your heart & soul and focus into what you are doing...

...you will find that life improves.

..then start finding your passions.

A grounded & passionate life is never an unhappy life. Find your grounding, and find your passions Smile
0 Replies
 
demonhunter
 
  1  
Reply Mon 27 Feb, 2012 10:46 am
@zburley,
Love is your right. Fight for it like your life depends on it.
0 Replies
 
jimrich
 
  1  
Reply Sun 9 Sep, 2012 01:51 am
@zburley,
I have found that happiness is a choice I can make now and whenever I find myself being pulled down by the unhappy stuff I learned and was taught in early childhood. I have been unhappy most of my life all because of the unhappiness in my childhood family. But I finally learned that all my unhappy attitudes, behaviors, beliefs, feelings, etc. can be over come and reformed back to the happy me I was at birth. I am not saying that you or anyone else was born happy but, most of what we think, believe and do is the result of early training and programing so re-programing our selves is probably the most effective means of getting back that happy, self-respecting, OK, good feeling that we would naturally have if life and others had not convinced us that we are not happy way back when. It's a choice I have to make often but it's finally becoming easy and natural to just be happy most of the time INSTEAD of miserable like I learned to be as little kid. I was programed and trained to dislike myself, life and the world and now, thanks to the simple techniques taught by Happiness Coaches (google it), I am finally on my way to a HAPPY LIFE just by choosing it!
good luck,
jim
0 Replies
 
imans
 
  1  
Reply Sun 9 Sep, 2012 02:31 am
@zburley,
how a personnal matter become an absolute idea sure of belonging to philosophy forums \/ u r a liar in all ur ways

a personnal matter of u as subjective joyful sense is simply a part of u alone, so never even the whole u, how that mini nothing but mini of u become an objective thought about life and hppiness sound that concern all existence, is ur problem to solve with what u gonna get from truth revenge, in daring meaning to involve any to ur shitty steps over it

while the answer is clear and still having nothing to do with any else but u, u r the only reference to the sense u mean, it concerns only ur awareness of, so it is very easy if it was true to conceive ur joy of being with that girl in where she is not there anymore, so in ur true space fact of means so u can b more happy with urself then ever with her or everyone else
but of course it is all of lies that is why that answer cant b accepted

u cant but mean profiting from life conditions markets, u never mean ur true being fact
even there, it proves ur lie, bc im sure any girl is the same for u as long as it does appear real thing to buy
0 Replies
 
JPLosman0711
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Sep, 2012 03:58 pm
@zburley,
There isn't anything you can do. Once you realize this and give up the seeking of happiness you become free.

Give up 'seeking' and just 'Be'.
JLNobody
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Sep, 2012 04:32 pm
@JPLosman0711,
When we seek happiness, rather than a rich and meaningful life, we find some temporary contentment with infatuation (notice I didn't say love), drugs, boos, fame, etc. Happiness should be a by-product of meaningful activity, not a goal. I agree with JPLosman on this.
JPLosman0711
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Sep, 2012 04:34 pm
@JLNobody,
Meaning is circular and some 'thing' you should just lay to rest.

There is no 'love, drugs, fame, happiness etc.'

There is only you, Be-ing.
JLNobody
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Sep, 2012 04:36 pm
@JPLosman0711,
Befuddled a la Hiedegger.
JPLosman0711
 
  1  
Reply Tue 11 Sep, 2012 04:51 pm
@JLNobody,
Heidegger? No, I think you meant to say: "God".
0 Replies
 
Fil Albuquerque
 
  0  
Reply Wed 12 Sep, 2012 04:25 am
We all just should undress ourselves and then BINGO there ! Cool
0 Replies
 
behappy99
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 14 Mar, 2017 12:08 am
@zburley,
That is love, dude! You will never fill complete doing anything without her. You feel her deep inside your heart and that's the reason you won't be able to forget her anytime. YOU NEED TO SHARE YOUR FEELINGS DIRECTLY TO HER e.g. what you felt before and what now you feel about her. FIND OUT IF SHE FEELS THE SAME STILL ABOUT YOU. If there is a positive sign propose her once again you did it before. I guess she won't avoid your true feelings. Ask her if there is any chance to build up the relation again. Her answer might be negative for the first two/three times. But let her remind of the past golden days of yours e.g. when you first met her or kissed her etc. Let us know what happens then.
Good Luck.
0 Replies
 
Fil Albuquerque
 
  1  
Reply Wed 15 Mar, 2017 05:20 am
Good Happiness needs the context of sorrow n misery first.
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Mar, 2017 04:38 pm
@Fil Albuquerque,
Fil Albuquerque wrote:

Good Happiness needs the context of sorrow n misery first.


Nonsense. No, it does not.
Fil Albuquerque
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Mar, 2017 05:17 pm
@Krumple,
I am sure the Ferrari factory owner loves to get Ferraris for his birthday...
If you don't get this you don't get much of anything. I have notice you try to be very pseudo-technical bout loads of topics but cant grasp common sense.
0 Replies
 
 

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