"Nice" bullies

@ossobuco,

Quote:

I'm not against homeschooling either - might have been when first reading about it. I do pause about entirely isolating children in quite closed in groups, whether religious or some other type of group, re interactions. I was isolated somewhat that way and grew into my adulthood the long and hard way. Still, I'm not against it as a generality

Homeschooling has come such a long way. There are things called Co-ops now that allow the homeschool children to come together a couple of days a week in a classroom setting to get particular subjects...maybe the subject the parents struggle in teaching. They also reguate the testing and make sure the children's grades are up to par with national standards.

In cases like the bullying when you find there is no other avenue - it is not a terrible alternative. Not like it used to be. Homeschooling had a tendency to create little monsters that were awkward socially and thought they were the center of the universe.

As far as Mo's concerned, I would insist on moving him, asking the teacher to move everyone so that it did not put the spotlight on the rocky relationship between the two. I would ask her from now on, since it is such a distraction, to keep them seperated. You probably already told Mo - but most kids - when they are calling people names and such are just trying to make themselves look better, and feel better.

It is a horrible little habit that most kids grow out of. Not all unfortunately. They think if they put someone else down - it will cause them to look better in comparison. Middle School is the worst time for this because of kids and their insecurities. Such a time of change for them. Having cliques that they identify with and exalting that clique as the best while others are noobish gives them an edge in their minds.

I talk to the boys about it and they seem to understand that someone calling them names is more a reflection on that kid. But it still bothers them. Kids can be so mean.

2 Replies

Apparently things did not go too well today. Mo hasn't spilled yet -- it usually takes him a few days to process everything and be ready to talk -- but it seems "Paul" went on the defensive (totally understandable) and said some rather nasty things about Mo (which could be true, I don't yet know what was said. Mo's a nice kid but he's no angel).

But the good news is that the teacher reassigned his seat and he is no longer sitting by Paul.

Mo still doesn't completely feel that the issue is resolved though.

1 Reply

@Thomas,

Thomas wrote:

On a tangent: Over in A2K's political threads, whenever I voice my qualified support of home schooling, other correspondents tend to educate me how valuable all that social interaction in school is, and how naive I am for wanting to take that away from children. And yet, judging by the parenting threads, bullying is a common problem in schools, it causes serious harm to children, and grownups seem fairly helpless about it. How does that fit together?

That reminds me of Marvin, the most brilliant Mensan whom I ever met.
He became an engineer, working on the most advanced weapons systems
of the 3rd World War, including the President's plane.

He despised, detested n abhorred his experience in the public schools of NY.
He is very tall n slender. His social interaction was less than felicitous.

He told me that he 'd have LOVED to remain at home,
studying at his computer, if it had existed back then.

David

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

ossobuco wrote:

My mother, born in 1901, an amazing thing for me to re-realize as time goes by, fairly often told me about her brother grabbing and throwing her into Lake Champlain, I guess from a pier, or maybe a boat, I think at age sixteen.

She never did learn to swim. That said, she got me into swimming lessons (not that they actually took at that time, as, cough, I shook my feet instead of kicking) when I was around ten. But at least she worked it so that I could at least float should I ever be hurled into a lake. I finally learned to really swim when I was around 37.

Sorry for digression - I was just pleased to agree for a change with David.

How did your mom avoid drowning in the Lake ?

0 Replies

@mismi,

Quote:

I'm not against homeschooling either - might have been when first reading about it. I do pause about entirely isolating children in quite closed in groups, whether religious or some other type of group, re interactions. I was isolated somewhat that way and grew into my adulthood the long and hard way. Still, I'm not against it as a generality

mismi wrote:

Homeschooling has come such a long way. There are things called Co-ops now that allow the homeschool children to come together a couple of days a week in a classroom setting to get particular subjects...maybe the subject the parents struggle in teaching. They also reguate the testing and make sure the children's grades are up to par with national standards.

In cases like the bullying when you find there is no other avenue - it is not a terrible alternative. Not like it used to be. Homeschooling had a tendency to create little monsters that were awkward socially and thought they were the center of the universe.

As far as Mo's concerned, I would insist on moving him, asking the teacher to move everyone so that it did not put the spotlight on the rocky relationship between the two. I would ask her from now on, since it is such a distraction, to keep them seperated. You probably already told Mo - but most kids - when they are calling people names and such are just trying to make themselves look better, and feel better.

How much of that do we see on A2K ?????

mismi wrote:

It is a horrible little habit that most kids grow out of. Not all unfortunately. They think if they put someone else down - it will cause them to look better in comparison. Middle School is the worst time for this because of kids and their insecurities. Such a time of change for them. Having cliques that they identify with and exalting that clique as the best while others are noobish gives them an edge in their minds.

I talk to the boys about it and they seem to understand that
someone calling them names is more a reflection on that kid.
But it still bothers them. Kids can be so mean. [All emfasis has been added by David.]

I can think of one guy around here
that believes that insulting people 's intelligence is "hi-lar-i-ous"
and ofen informs his victims of his belief.

David

0 Replies

@boomerang,

Be very interesting to hear whatnMo has to say when he's ready.

It's good he's so honest since if Paul DID have legitimate grievances against Mo, while it's very painful to hear for him, I know you'll be able to help him use the information well.

If Paul DIDN'T have any legitimate reasons to be nasty, the teacher has now seen that he's not always all that nice.

Probably the truth is somewhere between those poles, do you think?

I hope something more happens so that Mo can feel more at peace with it.

You know what really stands out for me in all this is the clear fact that Mo is really developing reflective capacity big time. He can't always access it quickly and has the big meltdowns, but look at the number of times when you've talked about him processing things, considering his best approach (which I thought was a very emotionally literate one....better than many adults) and stuff like that.

We've talked before about what a hugely positive sign that is, I think?

2 Replies

@mismi,

Such a good post, Mismi.

1 Reply

@dlowan,

Agreeing with Dlowan's take.

David, the brother helped her back.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

thank you Osso.

0 Replies

@OmSigDAVID,

Lesson to be taken from this tale:

NEVER EVER CALL A KID MARVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 Replies

@ossobuco,

Thank u, Osso.

0 Replies

@dlowan,

dlowan wrote:

Lesson to be taken from this tale:

NEVER EVER CALL A KID MARVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah! I woud not have done that to him,
but by the time I got to him, it was too late!

David

0 Replies

@Thomas,

Thomas wrote:

On a tangent: Over in A2K's political threads, whenever I voice my qualified support of home schooling, other correspondents tend to educate me how valuable all that social interaction in school is, and how naive I am for wanting to take that away from children. And yet, judging by the parenting threads, bullying is a common problem in schools, it causes serious harm to children, and grownups seem fairly helpless about it. How does that fit together?

i never understood home schooling, who wants to spend even more time with their parents and family, school makes a great refuge

1 Reply

@djjd62,

djjd62 wrote:

i never understood home schooling, who wants to spend even more time with their parents and family,
school makes a great refuge

I tolerated school n got good grades.

Home was and is a place of unlimited comfort.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

i had no problem with home, but getting out for a good chunk of the day was fun, especially high school, were going to school actually meant, skipping class and hanging around up town drinking coffee

1 Reply

@dlowan,

dlowan wrote:

NEVER EVER CALL A KID MARVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why not? He did have a brain as big as a planet, didn't he?

2 Replies

@djjd62,

I think homeschooling has different purposes for different people...

Some use it to keep their children seperated. Blech.
Some use it because their children need more direct attention than public or even private schools can provide. I understand this.
Some use it because the public schools available to them are in sad shape...I understand this as well.

My boys have a love/hate relationship with school. They love being with their friends...they hate having the homework. They have asked to be homeschooled several times...I told them they would hate me as a teacher. I would expect a whole lot more from them than any of their teachers presently do. They haven't asked again.

Trying to teach my own all day every day would be a tough task though. But going back to the bullying at school - or any situation I felt the faculty was not addressing properly - I would have no problem pulling my boys and teaching them from home if I felt being in a specific situation was detrimental to my child. I am all up in the schools business. In a nice way. I volunteer as much as possible so they tend to be patient with me when I ask questions.

I hope Mo finds his footing in all of this and that he comes out with a better understanding of human nature and how to deal with it. School has so many great learning processes...unfortunately learning to deal with people can be the hardest of all - but also the best.

0 Replies

@Thomas,

Thomas wrote:

dlowan wrote:
NEVER EVER CALL A KID MARVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why not? He did have a brain as big as a planet, didn't he?

He was a social failure.

1 Reply

@dlowan,

Thomas wrote:

dlowan wrote:
NEVER EVER CALL A KID MARVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why not? He did have a brain as big as a planet, didn't he?

dlowan wrote:

He was a social failure.

Yes; so he indicated.
He said that he was taunted in school.

He expressed wishes (long after the fact) that he coud have remained
at home, studying over his computer.

David

0 Replies

Update: I was at the school doing some work today and Mo's teacher stopped in to talk to me about how things went down yesterday.

She said when Mo opened with his "I know you probably don't mean to hurt my feelings...." thing that she expected things to end quickly and quietly but Paul denied everything so the back and forth began. Then,to her surprise, Paul got really nasty and said some really hurtful things to Mo. She told me she realized that Mo had been telling the truth all along and she apologized to me for not believing him.

I told her Mo was happy to be moved and that he'd calmed down about everything but that he didn't feel the issue was really resolved.

She said she completely understood why he felt that way and that she was going to keep an eye on things.

So, you know.... rock on, Mo.

6 Replies

"Nice" bullies

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know