Yourself and the Nature of Non Violence

Good question, Edgar.. will be back.

Hmmmmm - well, I am generally physically non-violent - at least since I was six years of age! (I bit a friend when I was six - I am still ashamed...).

Since then I have employed physical violence when...
hmmmmmmm

Three times to defend myself from rape - twice when I was twelve. First time hit a middle-aged man who grabbed my friend and me - mainly just pulled away from him, though - successfully, I might add. Second time kneed a young man in the balls when he had grabbed me and was pulling off my clothes - his friend was holding down my young male friend. Success again. Third time, I was 21 or so, it was a gang of young men - I picked up my bicycle and whizzed it round in an arc - sort of hit a few, I think - shocked them more than anything - and I got away, on the bicycle. Otheer times I have talked myself out of those situations - or acted physically really unexpectedly - but not violently.

Another time, I was riding my horse in a national park - heard a little girl whimpering - found her all alone, (I mean nobody but her attacker there) backed up against a large tree, with a middle-aged man who had just put his hand over her mouth...I feel a bit bad about this, but I picked a big stick off a tree and really hit his back with it - and when he tried to grab me, made my horse charge him (I knew he would not hurt the man, but it really scared him). Actually, this is the occasion in my life when I might have enjoyed hurting somebody, I was so pumped with distress and protectiveness of the poor little girl - but I will never know, because I had to help her find her family in safety, so I just got us away as fast as I could.

Only other time I can think of was defending someone else again - when I was waitressing, I found out that one of the male staff had discovered another waitress had been sexually abused by her dad, and was phobically terrified of men and sex. I found her sobbing in the back, and she told me that Peter, the waiter concerned, made a habit of coming up to her and whispering in her ear that he was going to rape her. She had not gone to the bosses, cos the abuse thing was her private business and she could not bring herself to tell a male about the problem - anyway, there were no sexual harassment laws back then - and the bosses and the waiter were all Chinese, and very racist, so the boss would have been reluctant to believe her - she was white Australian. I waited until I got Peter alone - in the cool room as it happens - I was a lot taller than him - and said that, if I heard of him doing it again, I would flatten him. Things went quiet, then he DID do it again, and I got him in the cool room again - and sort of towered over him, and sort of pushed him - anyway, he fell into the cauliflower bin.

My only other foray into violence was with the same man - I came into the kitchen, where there were a couple of unfortunate mud crabs, tied up and waiting to be ordered, when they would be killed. He was poking a chopstick into their eyes, and the cooks were laughing. I was so distressed that I sort of went for him - I didn't hit him, but he was so frightened by the intensity of my anger, that he fell over the counter - and was extremely humiliated. I sort of felt bad, because the cooks were just as much a part of it. They laughed and made lots of jokes about warrior women and big Australian women - but I think it unnerved them. I did not see crabs being mis-treated sadistically again - not that I am sur eit didn't happen.

And there is an end to my career of physical violence! I hate violence - but I do not think I could be in any of those situations again, and not do the same - oh, the sexual harassment - there are now avenues to address that - and I don't think it is as bad in the hospitality industry now as it was - so I would hopefully not need to threaten anyone again, or tip them into the cauliflowers, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Re non-physical - I can be scary for some folk in manner and argument - ie I can be outspoken, direct, and sometimes fierce. Nothing that you folk wouldn't have seen here - but some people react to that with real intimidation - especially from a woman. Is it a form of violence????? I suppose it is a very relative thing.

Edit: I certainly wouldn't bite my friend again! I can't remember other times when I was little that I hurt someone - on purpose.

You mean, in terms of using violence to solve problems with people? I'm pretty violent... that's probably why I get along better on the net, where I can't pummell the stupid ones... :-P

I'm actually not that violent anymore, but I also seem to run into more tolerable people these days too.

having been, like some others here, at war, I can only offer "no comment."

Sorry, dys.

Deb, I'm so glad there are other women in the world like you. There needs to be many more.

I have not been to war. While I was still onboard the USS McKean as a sailor I heard about the Vietnam war and considered it my patriotic duty to join the Army and go over there just as soon as I got discharged. Since it was voluntary at the time, and since I rode out my hitch being perpetually seasick, the Army was my best choice. Before I could make up my mind when to re-enlist I discovered enough about the nature of the war that I instead became a protest agent. I mailed my draft board my draft card. So I barely escaped combat duty.
As to violence in general, I had a few scrapes outside the immediate family as a kid. Twice I had opportunity and motivation to shoot (almost) two persons. Within the family it's a bit different. My step father often had my oldest brother attack me. Thing about it is, my brother always grinned while doing it. He took to attacking me other times. I fought him back, but he was older by two years. At age 16 I caught up to him at least in size. The last time we fought I gave him two vicious blows to the back of the head. When he realized it would only get more violent he backed off such attacks.
All of the violent episodes in my life were instigated by somebody else.

I can appreciate that kind of non-violence, Deb.

Like your new avatar, Diane

Thanks {{{{{Roger}}}}}.

I used to get taunted and beat up all the time as a kid, by males and females, different races, different ages. The blacks claimed I was rascist, the christians that I was Jew, the poor that I was poorer, the boys that I was girl, the vein that I was uglier, and so on. I was a total punching bag, and I would always cry (which would encourage them - getting a reaction.) I also have asthama, and would often hyperventilate and have to go to the hospital. Thankfully, I have never had problems with sexual assault - that is somthing that I find both very frightening and I have 0 tolerance for. I'd use all of my strength possible to make their life miserable, or to end it.
This is why I have chosen not to be an art therapist - if I found out someone was abusing kids I would have a very difficult time controlling myself.

Being beat up so often, I first tried to learn martial arts. Ikkedo is a very gentle martial art, and it served me well once or twice (I flipped a guy over my head who repeatedly unwantedly pinched my butt - he never did it again.) but it generally wasn't useful - being such a gentle and limited artform unless one is a professional.

So, I decided to be so damn nice to everybody that I would have protectors. This method has served me well to this day, and I have a good eye for significant others and close friends who are nice people and make good protectors. I have been most fortunate in this avenue. I suppose you could call that a form of non-violence, or cowardess. I plan on taking more martial arts once my schoolwork lets up - to keep in shape and stay better defensively.

I am generally a non violent person, but there have been moments when I've just wanted to knock some ones block off, and only one time I came close to doing it. I grew up with four brothers and no sisters, with my oldest brother being a big bully and punching me hard, whenever he thought he could get away with it. Like most of us, I'll stand up to anyone no matter how big, no matter how strong, if they threaten me or anyone in my family. When I see children or animals mistreated, I don't turn my head and look away. I look out for the underdog, without ever considering the repercussions of doing so. I try to stay level headed and avoid violence at all cost, but sometimes it can't be avoided. In any case, I hate violence, whether at work, or at home, I've always tried to be the peacemaker.

dlowan: It is such a wonderful thing that you did for that little girl!!

Nah, Colorbook, anyone would have done it - I was just lucky to be riding a big horse, which scared him - heehee....wish I had been able to tree him until somebody came by who could have fetched the police...

That is true, most anyone would have done it, but you are the one that, most likely, saved her life.

Wow! Deb. Fantastic!

I've never been a violet person. Never! but I learned to run like hell when I was little.

There are things that we do in moments of danger. When my two kids were little, we were walking through the pasture to the house on the hill. I heard a snort, and turned around to see Rollo, the huge bull that my sister and her husband had recently purchased. His head was lowered and he was doing that "pawin' the ground thing." I told the kids to get behind the tree,(little scrawny tree--duh) and I picked up a rotten looking tree branch. and decided that should he charge, I would hit him on that vulnerable nose. Here I stood, with a broken stick, yelling at the kids to run. I was ready to do battle with that bull. Fortunately for me, Rollo wasn't going to play that day, so I slowly backed off, then ran like hell again, leaping over the fence.

Of course, war is something that I can only imagine through the eyes of those who have been there.

For over 20 years I hated a dead man for something he did to me when I was a child. I would even visualize killing him. It took those 20 years for me to realize that my hatred was tearing me apart, eating at me like a cancer.

It was only when I could let go of it that I realized that it had harmed me and that it actually empowered that man to continue hurting me from the grave.

Violence leads to hatred which, eventually, leads to war. It never accomplishes good unless used in defence as was the case when Deb came to the rescue of that girl.

In marriage counseling with my first... she said she wanted me to fight for her. I turned to her and said 'I don't fight.' Sort of ended that, right there.

I don't fight. Much. There are things I think are worth fighting for. dlowan has given us a history of some. But my fighting is not physical. T'other day I told a co-worker that he was being sexist, and he should have read the corporate policy that he had made fun of two weeks beofer. He threatened me... After the adrenalin rush, I realized that I was safe. Even if he had attacked, I would sit still and take it. Then file charges and get his sorry butt in jail for assault. (Silly fool said what he said before witnesses...)

Dys... without fear of judgement, I would like you to tell your story.

I did judo on someone in elementary school who wanted a demonstration and got suspended for fighting. Stupid fucks who ran the school had me profiled. I never used judo when I wanted to flight, because if I wanted to fight someone I generally wanted to hurt them too.

I was abused for many years by some girls in my school and then when I was 15 I decided I had to do something to stop it. I took up karate and lifting weights, so after a year of constant training I was ready to confront these evil bullies. One day I was walking down the street with my best friend when the leader of the bitch pack came over to me and threated to kick my ass as usual with her gang of about 7 behind her. She figured I'd run away scared as I always had, but this time I took off my jacket, habded it to my best friend and told her that this would only take a minute. As soon as the bitch saw how muscular I had become, she backed right off saying I wasn't worth it. I told her that if I ever heard her so much as whisper my name again that she wouldn't know what hit her. There never was a fight that day, but that girl and her gang never bothered me again.

I am not a violent person at all unless I'm being attacked or I see a helpless person being attacked. The father of my son was physically abusive right up until the day that I damn near killed him.

I also gave a guy a good knee in the balls when he tried to rape me and I got away.

Other than that, I've never been violent towars anyone.

Deb
That's an awesome thing you did for that little girl and for the girl you worked with ;-)