He’s going to have two daddies

<Reading along pretty well horrified.> I've a variety of adjectives I could use about her, but I don't know her at all except for her ridiculous actions.

Certainly something is off.
Wonder about the father.

If this is her observable behavior, that others, like Morgan and Marco are aware of, can you imagine what might be going on when she isn't being observed, and she is alone with Justin?

No responsible parent behaves like this woman. Suppose Justin has a serious accident, or accidental injury, while he is visiting with Morgan and Marco? Can they give consent for medical treatment? Can they even reach her? Doesn't she care about her child?

It's a wonder this child has made it to five!

This woman has a lot of explaining to do -- first and foremost to her son!

I wonder if Morgan and/or Marco should talk to the boy's teacher or social worker at the school? They're only five and new to the school system but there may be some assistance/info available there.

We had to leave because our friends Tommy and Jeff are in Orlando this weekend so we had to feed their cat and then get dinner out. When we came home a guy was waiting for us, he was there to pick up Justin, we think he might have been the weekend boyfriend.

Marco wouldn’t let him leave with Justin and told him to have his mother pick him up so we are waiting for her. She is on her way over now. Oh boy what a mess.

This weekend was an ordeal. She finally just left, I let Morgan handle it, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to talk to this girl in front of her son. Oh but I’ll be talking to her tomorrow. She’s a horrible unfit mother. I just don’t understand it, what kind of a mother leaves her child with people she hardly knows for an entire weekend and doesn’t bother to even make a phone call to see how her child is doing? I was too furious to even see her tonight.

And I will be talking to their teacher tomorrow when I take Antonio to school. This little boy is neglected. The first time he stayed here he was so dirty, I really didn’t think much of it, he’s a little boy and they get dirty, but that’s not the case, he hadn’t been bathed since the weekend before when he stayed here. And then she has the nerve to send over some dude who Justin said he didn’t know to pick up her child! The guy is lucky he turned around and walked away when I suggested he do so or I would have whipped his ass all the way to his car.

wow.
this has really turned bad.

(following along)

Omg, to send a complete stranger to pick up the kid is more than irresponsible. What if this guy she picked up over the weekend was to abuse the boy or gawd forbid molest him? It never ceases to amaze me what some kids have to live with. Poor Justin!

I think involving the school is a good idea!

Yes, a very good idea.

(I would probably call CPS, too. But then, I have very little patience these days. I applaud you for handling this so well.)

The school may well call CPS. I don't think it matters who calls CPS, but I do think they need to be involved. I think what is already known about this woman might only be the tip of the iceberg.

Justin's mother may have substance abuse problems, she might have emotional problems, or there may be other issues in her life interfering with her ability to responsibly parent her child, and she might well benefit from intervention by CPS because they will try to get her help to address such matters. And, if she is simply irresponsible, or uncaring, or neglectful, they will let her know that such behavior cannot continue.

This doesn't sound like a situation where Justin is in imminent danger of harm, it really seems more like neglect than abuse, so it's likely that CPS wouldn't do anything to disrupt his life. But they would at least investigate the situation and either scare his mother into behaving more appropriately and responsibly, or get her whatever help and supports she needs to be able to do that. Either way, I think it would be of benefit to Justin. He needs a mother who functions better than his mom is doing right now, and someone has to try to make that happen for him.

Oh my two and half men...

You have both handled this so well and done yourselves proud looking after Justin.

I know you are Stateside, but I am imagining your school will work similarly to mine here in the UK. Yes, do let the school know what has happened. If it were here, we do an immediate referral (as in, that day) to Social Services and our educational child protection services. A welfare meeting is then set up. I do feel it would be better for you guys to get the school to make the calls and your requirement should be to make written statements as to what has happened over the weekend - this should then happen much quicker than an outside referral or a call from 'another parent' which are less likely to be acted upon quickly. It is so important the school does this - for Justin's sake and... for yours.

Once it's in the school's hands, they SHOULD then be responsible for following this up (which at school will be done on a daily basis as each child is registered morning and afternoon) and ensuring that his welfare needs are being met. (I'm pretty sure your system cannot be too different to ours in the UK). The school should also have access to agencies who can come into the school and talk to Justin in a safe environment where it won't feel like he's being questioned. People talking to him at school and during the school day is not the same as folk turning up on their doorstep and asking questions. In school, through school, it will feel better for Justin. The mother will be paid a visit in the home environment.

I do NOT feel that you guys ought to offer to take Justin on a weekly/regular basis as I think you will be drawn into 'the nightmare that it can be' and this could complicate your lives a great deal, it could also be upsetting for Antonio should J's mother turn up at school if she is aware that you yourselves have apporached your CPS. Your anonymity should be preserved as best as possible right now - for your sakes as... well, as you saw before at the party Antonio went to where they asked Morgan not to attend - small minds, small people, harsh attitudes. Some people will use anything, just to have a go at y'all.

Certainly tho, talk to the teachers, preferably ask to speak to the Headteacher and Child Protection Officer (each school has a CPO within the school), in a formal capacity about your concerns - this SHOULD get the school to do the follow up. It is then their responsibility to make it happen. Ask to see their Child Protection Policy and ask them whether they will be contacting your equivalent to Social Services - let them know this is as serious as it gets for you and this is not just an idle complaint about the weekend.

You guys are just great. You have so much love between you and I reckon you've handled this brilliantly - many folk would walk away from this, I'm so glad you are doing something about it. You should be very proud.

At the end of the day, none of us know what the mother is/was doing or what influences she is under - and she may need help too - that's where the agencies can kick in to make that happen - tho I know the wheels can be slower there. It's not an excuse for doing what's she's done - however, she is still Justin's mother and children aren't often just immediately removed from the parent's care unless (usually) there is some physical harm to the child. A kid being filthy dirty etc is not 'classed as abuse' - but leaving a child for a weekend is negligent. Twice, well, something has to be done and pronto in case she were to leave him with the wrong folk, or just leave him. Social Services may already be aware of the situation - if it's happened before or other reports, then they may well act on it on this occasion.

That's why I think you guys ought to get the school (which is official) to put the call in. Ask them when you pick Antonio up what they have done.

Let us know how you go and what response you get from the school. Will be thinking of you 'cause I know that this is a hard thing (even tho it's easy to do, the repurcussions can be hard) to do.

That little boy must be the priority.

Your level of maturity, Morgan and Marco, is outstanding. (not meant in a patronising way). You should be very proud of who you both are - I sure am proud to know our A2K2.5men.



andddddddddddddddddddd...Happy Halloween!!!!

By the way boys... isn't it your anniversary today - didn't you meet at a Halloween Party? If so...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY DAHHHHLINGS!

Ah, I see FF said the same just above (cross posted)


I'd disagree only on this part


It does and can make a huge difference. The school HAS to act on a welfare issue reported to a school (that's why it would be good to have a copy of the CP Policy). CPS does not have to act on a JoePublic call - not in a case (I believe) such as this which could be seen as disgruntled parent - abuse is not being called here, negligence (no matter how awful it seems to us) for leaving a child with two responsible people who took care of the child, would not, in my opinion, be a priority for CPS to act immediately. Marco can make the point better by getting the school involved. (in the UK, it would).

Obviously, if the regs are different in the US (which of course, I wouldn't know), and the school does not get involved, then that's a whole different ballgame.

This morning I talked with a school administrator. I told her I didn’t believe he was being abused but he’s definitely being neglected. She didn’t come out and tell me this was the only complaint but I have a feeling it wasn’t. She knew who I was talking about right away. I did feel guilty about doing this but felt I had no choice. If he’s abused by someone else she dumps him off on I wouldn’t want that on my conscience.

You've definitely done the right thing, Marco. I hope things improve for Justin.

Yes today is our one year anniversary since we met, seems longer then a year but don’t tell Morgan I said that.

Thank you, I don’t think she will be asking us to watch him anytime soon which is a shame because we don’t have a problem with him being in our home and the two of them get along fine. I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens.

Here's a little song for you both on this day....

If the puerto rican keeps it up he may not see another year.

Please, do not feel guilty about speaking with the school administrator, you did exactly the right thing. You know the child is being neglected--he isn't even being washed or bathed, and his mother deposits him with you, doesn't show up to get him as promised, doesn't even call, and doesn't answer her cell phone. What on earth should you feel guilty about?
All things considered, you are probably better off not offering to take care of Justin any more because his mother is involving you in a messy situation over which you do not have adequate control, and you know she is not trustworthy. As much as you want to help Justin, I think you have to hope that CPS gets involved for his benefit. You have already done pretty much all you can realistically do to look out for him and protect him.

I hope the three of you have a nice evening.