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Tell me what you think of my songs i dont care if its good or bad any critisisum is contructive

 
 
Reply Tue 4 Jan, 2011 06:56 pm
I’m speaking out letting you know
Can we not do this anymore no looking back cause ill regret what said you were never the one to keep all my secrets building me up to tear me down in your last phone call take a flew steps back and learn how not to depend on the ones you held near , learn the meaning of trust and practice falling because there’s no true hero . The only way to save your self is to learn the means of being alone because I’ve never meet one that didn’t disappoint . I waited for you through out the day but you never showed up
This is the story of day were there was nothing left to say , where the actions never came close to anything you said
This is were our everything means nothing anymore , this is one mountain that wont bow and one soul strong enough to say no not anymore . this is the story of the day where there was nothing left to say and the only thing left to do was to get up and walk away .
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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 564 • Replies: 4
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Ceili
 
  2  
Reply Tue 4 Jan, 2011 09:52 pm
If you're going to write a song, look up how to write lyrics.
This is a paragraph, it gives no indication of the phrasing at all.
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Jan, 2011 10:50 pm
@Ceili,
I concur Ceili.

It's difficult to read in this form. If anything else, write it like a simple poem so each line of the song can be glanced and analysed for rhyming scheme and rhythm.

Which part is the chorus (if you plan on having one in your song)?

Is two verses going to be enough? And what's the title?
0 Replies
 
Clashingcontreversey
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Jan, 2011 11:26 pm
@Ceili,
Thank you Smile
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Jan, 2011 04:23 pm
I’m speaking out
letting you know
Can we not do this anymore?
No looking back
'cause I'll regret what said
You were never the one
to keep all my secrets
building me up, to tear me down
Take a few steps back
and learn how not to depend
on the ones you held near
learn the meaning of trust and practice falling
because there’s no true hero .
The only way to save yourself
is to learn the means of being alone
'cause I’ve never met one
that didn’t disappoint .
I waited for you throughout the day
but you never showed up
0 Replies
 
 

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