Write your best "bad" sexual metaphor.

Rowan Somerville has captured the Bad Sex in Fiction award for a squirm-worthy passage from his novel, The Shape of Her. The award is given for "crude, tasteless, and often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in contemporary novels and to discourage it.
"A nipple is likened to the upturned "nose of the loveliest nocturnal animal, sniffing in the night."
and
"Like a lepidopterist mounting a tough-skinned insect with a too blunt pin he screwed himself into her."

Add yours here, awards may be given for the best "worst" metaphor... or at the very least a bunch of thumbs up.

I dare ya.