What should happen with this baby?

My six and five year-olds regularly play "mama". They get devastated when a toy breaks.

I can't even imagine the emotional damage that would occur to tell a ten year old that she's going to have to have an abortion.

Is that during the procedure though?

That's what I meant, maybe not clear.

I'd thought that c-sections didn't involve any particular effort on the part of the person getting it.

I know it's a major surgery with all that entails, but I thought that the pain is dealt with as with any other surgery (and the serious pain comes after rather than during the procedure).

I haven't had that though. All I know is that I would not wish my own birth experience on anyone, much less a 10-year-old girl. And effort is a big part of that -- psyching yourself up to keep working hard even though you're exhausted and it is incredibly painful. At least I had a much-wanted, planned-for baby to look forward to at the end of it all.

I think there's a whole set of victims in cases like these. Very little possible good outcome for the pregnant child, her child, her mother, any siblings she has.

At the 30+ week stage of gestation, abortion or delivery could well be physically problematic for the pregnant child. Whether or not she understands what is happening. If she understands, there are psychological ramifications to live delivery as well as abortion.

If there is a live delivery (with a line-up of adoptive parents already out there hoping), there is a possibility of a good future outcome for the infant. No guarantees, but at least a possibility.

Too many people seem to be glossing over the entire fact that a 10 year old will be giving birth at all. The child has already suffered the trauma of the rape. Giving the live birthing process of a canal birth, why are people forgetting the second inevitable trauma of the birthing process on the 10 year old?!

She never wanted to become pregnant (let alone forced to have sex). With a live birth she will be scarred emotionally for life. This second experience will remind her of her first trauma. I believe it will cement her first trauma into a permanent PTSD.

To hell with the 10 year's olds mother (whether she was complicit or ignorant of the crime), to hell with the unwashed masses waiting for a baby to adopt, and most certainly to hell with the father of the baby/10 year old who if he ever gets out of prison and that's quite likely at some point may try to find his way back into the life of the 10 year old as well as the life of the newborn.

I believe the slate needs to be wiped clean for the sake of the 10 year old. All other options are detrimental to the 10 year old.

I would be hard-pressed to say which kind of delivery is worse.

You don't think that your option is detrimental to the 10 year old as well?

Trust me, there is no good solution to this mess.

Word.

And that's the problem. There is no way to wipe the slate clean for this little girl. Aborting a 32-week-old child OR going through a live birth will result in serious trauma for her. Now AND later. There is no way to make this right for her now.

Let's get as close to wiping it clean as possible. In a case like this I'd lie like a rug to this poor child. If she doesn't know she's pregnant, don't tell her. Perform a C-section. Take the baby and put it up for adoption. What possible good can come from telling this child that she's having a baby? She's 10. She's not 12 or 14. There's a big difference.

Not having read any of the other answers, I say perform a C-Section, meanwhile determine whether the mother (grandma) is able and willing to care for the child and make decisions based on that. I think abortion is unnecessary and cruel at this late stage. Also, lying to the child is unnecessary and cruel. Ten years old might be young, but some ten yr olds are capable of understanding what's going on. She may not have known she was pregnant, but she's probably not stupid, and she'll find out about this sooner or later and that can cause problems later on.


I cannot believe that nobody noticed a 10 yr old is 32 weeks' pregnant - did she weigh 180 lbs or what? Holy hannah.


And I'm not liking the mom very much right now. JMO.

The adoption angle is complicated by the fact that Oregon is an open records state. That means that the state recognizes the RIGHT of an adoptee to have access to the records of their birth.

If they take the baby and place it for adoption 18 years from now that can't be kept secret.

It also violates the girls rights if they steal her baby from her. Even if it is in her best interest they are stealing her baby.

Speaking as an adoptive parent I can tell you that I would not want to adopt a child under such circumstances. Dealing with an adopted child's questions is hard enough without this kind of complication.

I've been reading a bit of this adoption stuff. I'd like to adopt an older child - however, financially I don't know if it is a good idea. But just in case things change financially, I've just been looking a bit.

You make a great point - many of these children, I've found what to maintain contact with their birth parents and I just thought - I don't know if I am the type of person that would be able to do that. Maybe once the child was a young adult I'd be even willing to help them seek out their birth parents, but as they are growing up - I think that would cause too much problems.

All good points boomerang. And not failing to mention the sinister possibility that the father of the 10 year old/newborn could look up the child if and when he gets out of prison. I can envisage nothing good coming from this inevitable meeting/attempted relationship.

You should read this, Linkat -- people are working on ways to help adoptive familys avoid some of the possible financial problems associated with adopting older kids: http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/research/2010_10_promises.php.

I can tell you from experience that it can be financially draining -- and Mo's on the "light trauma" end of the spectrum. Many families end up financially devistated. It's a very important aspect to consider. Everyone should take it as seriously as you do.

Thank you that is good information. Especially already having two of our own children, I would not want to adopt unless I felt we were financially able and mentally able. I also noticed that most of the children if they placed with a family with children already - request that your current children be older. That also got me thinking that this could require much more mental effort in a sense.

I'd also have to be in a position where I was working at a much less demanding job. It really wouldn't be fair to adopt a child that requires significantly more attention than my current girls. And have nights where I am working late. Tough enough on girls that have had a stable upbringing.

I can see her mother thinking that maybe the child was putting on weight, maybe the little girl is already a little overweight, who knows? But "maybe my 10 year old daughter is pregnant?" would never, ever in a million years have occurred to me.

regrettably that's not a possibility

she could be like my friend J who lost 12 pounds in the first couple of months of pregnancy then gained 20 before delivery. an 8 pound weight gain from beginning to end of pregnancy - not gonna show much on anyone

she could have been a heavy child to begin with, where pregnancy won't be as visible

she could be a kid no one is paying any attention to (my vote's here) where a 20 - 30 pound weight gain isn't noticed or commented on

I have a friend with twin girls. Some would say she is a helicopter mom, paying TOO much attention to them (if that's possible). When they were about 11, one of the girls gained 15 lbs. but no one was to say anything about it because she was so sensitive. The family blinded themselves to it, and warned everyone else, to spare her feelings.

It still amazes me that some here want to blame the mother and paint the picture of this child being neglected. This kind of thing can happen right under your nose. Brothers abuse their sisters, fathers abuse their daughters and Mom is the last to know.

I cannot help but wonder if this conclusion would be jumped to so quickly if this was not a Hispanic child.

I think you're way off with that way of thinking - esp since no one posting here knows (or if they know they aren't saying) what background the child has