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Pregnant with my best friends brothers baby...dont know what to do.

 
 
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 09:48 am
I'm 26. I had been messing around with my best friends brother who is 23 years old for the last 3 years. A couple of months ago we started having sex (I was on the pill) and then we stopped because I was going through a couple of family deaths that happened within a month of each other and I was upset with him because I felt he wasnt being supportive. To him I was just a really good friend that he could have a good time with and I cared very deeply for him and enjoyed being intimate with him. We never told his sister what was going on because we knew she'd get mad. She was my best friend and she considered me to be her older sister, and their parents loved me. They treated me like one of their own. I knew it was wrong but in my stupidity I did it anyways. Well, this last month we had a couple of sexual encounters. We always had unprotected sex (which I know is stupid) but I was on the pill and we actually both thought we couldnt have kids (I was diagnosed with PCOS at a young age and I just assumed I couldnt and he had never gotten any of his GF pregnant and he said they never used protection so he assumed he couldnt.) and we had agreed we wouldnt have sex with other people (my stupidity again because he was apparently still messing around with other girls) Anyways, I had this weird feeling about two weeks ago and decided to take a home pregnancy test and it came out positive. I took 3 more home test until I finally got to go see a doctor this last monday and the Dr confirmed I was pregnant. He wants me to get an abortion. Says why would I want to keep a baby that was just made while having a good time. That he wants to have children with someone he loves and doing it with love and he could never have that with me. I had given him an out. I told him that since no one knew we were having sex I could just say I had sex with a random person or a guy from out of town that doesnt want anything to do with the baby and me. He flipped out on me and said he didnt want a baby of his out in the world, he doesnt want it to exist! He doesnt want it to later come back that its his. He doesnt want his family to know because he said he'd lose "everything" (his dad would kick him out) He doesnt have a job, he goes to school part time and he smokes weed all day and plays video games and drinks. His sister realized something was wrong with me and started pushing me until I finally told her and she just told me to do whatever I wanted to do. (She's pro abortion, has always said that if she ever got pregnant and wasnt married she would abort no questions asked and even if she was married and wasnt ready to lose her freedom she'd do it) I feel horrible because I feel like if I would have done the right thing long ago and not done anything with him I wouldnt have screwed all of this up. I feel like I lost a part of my family and nothing will ever be the same even if I dont keep it. I battled with myself whether I should have it or abort. Him and his sister say that I'll lose my freedom, my life if I keep it because I'm still young and have so much more that I should want to do. They have a lot of health issues, my friend recently had a seizure and drs cant figure out why. Literally everyone on their mothers side has had or has some sort of cancer and their dad has a hole in his heart and had a heart attach a couple of years ago. I'm 26 I have my BA I work part time for a social worker and am applying to different county jobs. I dont really drink, I dont smoke anymore and I dont party or go out. All I do on my free time is go to the gym and watch tv at my house or at my friends house. I know I can do it and that I would have my other friends, parents and family members' support with this but I just dont want to deal with his bullshit. I feel like they would all hate me and the baby and I dont want to not be able to be strong for my baby. I told my younger brother (21) about this situation and he thinks its ok if I get an abortion and just move on from those people and this whole situation. He's never liked the guy and always called me stupid for being friends with him (he didnt know about us doing anything until I told him I was pregnant) Things at home are not very stable. My parents arent talking to eachother and my mom says she's done with the relationship. Its stuff with them that has accumulated over the last 27 years and my brother isnt making things any easier when he goes out and my mom has to be calling him to come home at 2 in the morning because she worries and has always told us there is no good to be done out of the house after 2am. I was already feeling overwhelmed about everything at home before I found out I was pregnant and now I dont know what to do with myself. Once my brother went of to school in the fall we were all planning on going our separate ways and now I'm pregnant and havent told my parents. I was planning on getting an abortion and had an appt with my gyno yesterday (3/20 6 weeks pregnant) and they told me they dont do the pill method there just the surgical procedure and I dont have to go to the hospital so they told me to call PPH. I did and they cant see me until Wednesday (3/25) which would put me at 6 and a half weeks! I kind of feel like its a sign that I should keep it since things keep getting in the way but I dont know what to do! What to choose!!! I need some advice!! Please Help!
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 10:18 am
@caligurl88,
Here are your options (and I realize being pregnant is ******* with your head right now).
  1. Have the baby and don't go after the father. Raise the child yourself, and with very little money. I don't care what you said about being able to do it, yadda yadda yadda. You have no idea how much it will truly cost you financially and in terms of missed opportunities. Plus you have to be responsible 24/7 and you have essentially just admitted an utter lack of responsibility for your sex life. Do you honestly think you're going to be mature and capable enough to do this on your own with no assistance whatsoever? Step back and assess this a bit. It's money but it's also time. In the meantime, he's an asshole (yes, he is) and he gets off scot-free BECAUSE YOU WERE A DOORMAT AND YOU LET HIM.
  2. Have the baby and make him take responsibility for his actions. He will adapt, as people have for thousands (yes) of years. He may or may not be kicked out by his parents. He might stop smoking weed. He might actually become something of a father. Or he might fold and go down in flames. But you would not have to shoulder the whole thing by yourself, his parents might step in and help you, and he might even man up and at least pay something, even if it's court-ordered. Being responsible is a ton easier when you're not the only one who has to be the grownup. You both grow up, you both become mature and responsible. OR
  3. Have an abortion. The upside is you take charge of things and, while the experience will change you, so will having a child. The downside is that you don't seem to want one.


#2 and #3 are doable. #1 is a really untenable position to be in, and it's what he's pushing for in the absence of #3.

I'll repeat myself - he's an asshole. He's immature and irresponsible. Regardless of how you feel about children or unplanned pregnancies or abortion, his behavior is reprehensible.

In the meantime, yeah, the clock is tick, tick, ticking away. You have made this bed, and you need to lie in it, in one of these three ways.

I cannot tell you whether or not to get an abortion or have a child. And no one else should, particularly those of us who are not in it.

But what I can and will tell you is that option #1 stinks to high heavens and, regardless of what you decide between #2 and #3, please please please have some ******* self-respect and also some desire to do what's best for your child if you decide to have one and do NOT pick what's behind Door #1.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 01:21 pm
"I know I can do it and that I would have my other friends, parents and family members' support with this but I just dont want to deal with his bullshit. "

Then DON'T deal with the BS. Stop running towards it!

The birth father is a jerk, so he's out - and make SURE he's out of your life. (Problem is, a LOT of people know that he's the father so the fallout will be there. - his problem)

It sounds like you have already made up your mind to carry out this pregnancy - so spend the next months lining up just HOW you are going to do that. Keep toxic people AWAY from you and your baby. That means the birth father, his relatives and any other "friends" who are not supportive. Stop dragging them INTO your life.

If you need financial help from the father, be prepared to reveal all. Otherwise, plan on doing this ALL yourself.



0 Replies
 
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 01:48 pm
A delay in getting the procedure is not a "sign", unless you want it to be...

ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 05:10 pm
@contrex,
True.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  0  
Reply Sat 21 Mar, 2015 05:43 pm
@caligurl88,
Quote:
I kind of feel like its a sign that I should keep it since......


You "want" to keep this baby.

Take some time out and go somewhere "alone" do not communicate with anyone so you can make your decision and not have others sway your mind.

The one thing you don't want is regret either way.

BillRM
 
  2  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2015 06:28 am
@FOUND SOUL,
Quote:
The one thing you don't want is regret either way.


I do not know how she will not have some regrets no matter what path she decide to take in this situation.
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2015 03:59 pm
@BillRM,
If she is true to herself and follows her heart, she'll have a better way of dealing with the end, than if she listens to everyone and follows "advice".
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  4  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2015 04:15 pm
@jespah,
Let's not forget there are other options including giving birth to the child and having it adopted.

There are tons of good people out there who are in good situations to be parents but who are either unable to become parents biologically, or who want to/are able to add children to their families.
BillRM
 
  2  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2015 06:16 pm
@ehBeth,
Quote:
Let's not forget there are other options including giving birth to the child and having it adopted.



It is strange that having three members of my family by marriage being adopted into the family I did not think of that solution.

My guess it is that I just do not think of them as being adopted but just members of the family.
0 Replies
 
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2015 06:59 pm
I agree with ehBeth. Why not consider adoption? Whether you are for or against abortion, there are enough stories out there of women who chose abortion and later greatly regretted it. Based on what you have written, I wonder if maybe you would end up in that category if you chose abortion.

Give your child a chance at life. And then choose your men a bit more carefully and always, always use protection.
0 Replies
 
AngelMom
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Dec, 2016 05:48 am
@caligurl88,
Well, since I can't give advice well over a year later... did you end up having your baby!? Did you keep it? Adoption? Did you choose to have an abortion? If so, are you handling it all ok thus far? Oh how I wish I could've seen this when you 1st posted! I was pregnant at the time with my 4th baby, who is now my 1st living child! Every pregnancy is a life and every life serves a purpose, my advice is to always choose life. Whether the baby was formed in sin or not, the child is a blessing. God's blessing to you. Mothers who choose abortion have to live with that the rest of their lives, and it usually turns out to be a dark part of their past they struggle to overcome.
To those saying raising the baby on your own is the worst option... plenty of mothers, myself included, wind up raising their children alone. We do it because we have no choice and neither does the child. But if you choose to see the positive and the light in every day and each passing moment with your child, you will do just fine! My son's father sounds similar to your baby daddy in that he hardly works (currently isnt) and likes to sit around smoking weed and playing video games. I could really use his financial help, but that isnt something im getting. He puts on a show and pretends to want to be a full time father and take care of his son just as much as I do, but the reality is that he is more of a "fair weather father". I have come to realize and am finally accepting that. The sooner we realize WE are what our baby needs and that we need to step up and be their every thing (even tho, YES it's ok to take time for ourselves every once in awhile), he the better off we will be.
I hope this helps! And I hope you chose life! And if not, I pray it doesn't eat you up inside and that you realize no matter what, your baby IS in heaven and through accepting Jesus as your Lord and savior, you WILL see your baby again. Blessings to you and your family!
0 Replies
 
 

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