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Wed 29 Sep, 2010 11:09 pm
the night is deep and dark with shadows
the winter cuts and reaps my pain
the earth is wet into my feet
and I am driven by the sleet
and I'm not trying to set the scene
but you know what I mean
My heart is hung up in a tree
and that is what you are to me
the near and dear now vast and cold
the Sun grown suddenly weak and old
and I can't possibly speak my peace
but you know what I mean
the days are short and the nights are long
and everything I say is wrong
and I can't tell where love has gone
my night is waiting on your dawn
and words cannot convey my pain
but you know what I mean
@Fido,
given the metre foot and rhyme it's nonpareil
@Fido,
I think s/he was suggesting that the metre and rhyme could use some work.
@Fido,
You should get to know A2K's most famous poet, Edgar Blythe.
BBB
@MonaLeeza,
MonaLeeza wrote:
I think s/he was suggesting that the metre and rhyme could use some work.
I hate rhyme... fine for song, but I prefer when there is rhyme to have it internalized... It was just some hash I threw together in 15 minutes... Sorry to disappoint you...
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
BumbleBeeBoogie wrote:
You should get to know A2K's most famous poet, Edgar Blythe.
BBB
Sorry...I don't care for poetry or poets... It is only something I do when the mood strikes me...
@Arjuna,
Arjuna wrote:
Thank you, Fido.
YOU. .. are entirely welcome...