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Shadows

 
 
Fido
 
Reply Wed 29 Sep, 2010 11:09 pm
the night is deep and dark with shadows
the winter cuts and reaps my pain
the earth is wet into my feet
and I am driven by the sleet
and I'm not trying to set the scene
but you know what I mean

My heart is hung up in a tree
and that is what you are to me
the near and dear now vast and cold
the Sun grown suddenly weak and old
and I can't possibly speak my peace
but you know what I mean

the days are short and the nights are long
and everything I say is wrong
and I can't tell where love has gone
my night is waiting on your dawn
and words cannot convey my pain
but you know what I mean
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 755 • Replies: 8
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laughoutlood
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Sep, 2010 01:05 am
@Fido,
given the metre foot and rhyme it's nonpareil
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Sep, 2010 04:44 am
@laughoutlood,
laughoutlood wrote:

given the metre foot and rhyme it's nonpareil

Thanks.
MonaLeeza
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Sep, 2010 06:46 am
@Fido,
I think s/he was suggesting that the metre and rhyme could use some work.
Arjuna
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Sep, 2010 07:41 am
@Fido,
Thank you, Fido.
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Sep, 2010 08:16 am
@Fido,
You should get to know A2K's most famous poet, Edgar Blythe.

BBB
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Sep, 2010 10:01 am
@MonaLeeza,
MonaLeeza wrote:

I think s/he was suggesting that the metre and rhyme could use some work.

I hate rhyme... fine for song, but I prefer when there is rhyme to have it internalized... It was just some hash I threw together in 15 minutes... Sorry to disappoint you...
0 Replies
 
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Sep, 2010 10:03 am
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
BumbleBeeBoogie wrote:

You should get to know A2K's most famous poet, Edgar Blythe.

BBB

Sorry...I don't care for poetry or poets... It is only something I do when the mood strikes me...
0 Replies
 
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Sep, 2010 10:04 am
@Arjuna,
Arjuna wrote:

Thank you, Fido.

YOU. .. are entirely welcome...
0 Replies
 
 

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