Reply Mon 8 Dec, 2003 10:09 pm
This is a first draft I wrote today but I like it and wanted to share it.

Bella

It is a late Spanish night
in a place I have never been
I sit and gaze at a sight
that some may consider a sin

I cannot escape what my eyes see
this hour glass sways and bends
I beg to be set free
yet hoping this moment never ends

It streams long and white in the evening wind
From her shoulders down it flows
Thankyou God for the angel you did send
I can see the pure soul she shows

As she turns her hair follows her nose
Rather than our eyes our souls meet
Shining, she walks and my hope grows
Her beautifully stained heels stop beside my seat

She touches my hand and points to a hill
She says "Yo quiero ver mi estrella."
Without understanding I conform to her will
I ask her name and she say "Bella."

She held my hand to the peak
I sat in the long grass in which she laid
Her presence so strong I could not speak
I looked at her as she put her hair in a braid

Her eyes were wide and eyebrows arched
She slid on top of me with a smile
I smiled back and my throat parched
She and I sat and watched for a while

Her hands ripple up my chest and down my arm
She reaches my hand and feels my skin
She hushes me signaling that there is no harm
Her eyes pierce mine as she leaned in

I can smell her even now
A smell I will always miss
But I thank God for showing me how
love can be expressed in a kiss
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 701 • Replies: 3
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2003 05:34 am
Sexy stuff...keep posting!
0 Replies
 
Rain
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Dec, 2003 07:02 pm
dreamy boy Wink good job, however i have one suggestion about writing technique: try not to add a line just to make it rhyme, I'm not saying that you did, but in some ways it almost appears that way, so just ignore me if I'm blabbing about nothing. and i still like it, it gives some very rich mental imagery so...groovy baby =).

- Rain
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darkshade
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 Dec, 2003 09:29 pm
thankyou so much for the criticism. That is why I post. I am really eager for feedback and really appreciate. Thanks Rain.

Darkshade
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