Is it fair to arbitrarily increase punishment to your child?

How will this assist with resolving one's existential crisis?

Children are calmed with the knowledge that they live in a cocoon,
that bad things from the outside will not be able to get them
and as well that they the children will be prevented from doing
something that causes them harm.

For both functions children must trust the adults,
and in order to trust the adults they must be able to predict adult behaviour.

wayne wrote:

Greatest I am wrote:

Is it fair to arbitrarily increase punishment to your child?

If you were to tell your child that if he or she did a certain sin or mistake, you would implement a certain punishment, and when that infraction took place, you added a number of extra punishment, would you think you were acting in a fair and just manner?

A scenario would go like this.
If you told your son, if you do not make your bed, I will ground you for 2 days.
That same day, he did not or refused to make his bed.
You confront him and say that he is grounded for 2 days. At the same time, you tell him that he is also grounded for a further week and also looses all T V privileges and must also do the dishes for a month.

Do you think you have dealt fairly with your child?

Regards
DL

I suppose it's all about how far you want to go with this.
When raising children, punishment should be about teaching them that there are consequences to our actions and inactions. On the one hand, the world doesn't always make us aware of all the consequences upfront. So there is that lesson in truth.
On the other hand, an unmade bed carries it's own set of consequences.
If the issue is actually the bed, why the extra consequences?
On face value, the issue seems to be one of control rather than the unmade bed. Forget the bed, you will do as I say, or there will be consequences.
If that is the lesson ( and I think it is) the point should be clarified with the child or the lesson will fail, resulting in a fractured relationship, which happens more often than not.

To sum up; It is unfair to punish arbitrarily.

Well said.
I hope you are a theist. You will be sorry for thinking clearly.

Regards
DL

Another thing I see all the time is parents just hauling off and punishing the kid. I never do that unless it is in the case of violating an important rule. If it is a less important rule I will give a warning statement long the lines of "next time this happens your punishment will be x" if there is something that is not being done or is not being done well enough then I say " you need to get x done by y, and if you do not your punishment will be z". And then I stick to it.

I am a firm believer in warnings and in giving the kid the opportunity to make corrections and to stay out of trouble. From what I have seen I would say that I am the exception, not the rule.

re the OP: of course it is wrong. Predictability and fairness are extremely important in parenting.

EDIT: I now see that this thread is a scam, however the parenting question was a good one.

chai2 wrote:

"Obviously"

How is this obvious?

You want to know if people believe in God, just ask.
If you want to know if people think the God of the OT sets us up, why not ask?

Why the convoluted question about children, which you don't care about?

As explained, because I wanted answers and not just a dance around the issue.
If you have ever tried to get a direct answer out of a theist that even looked like it was going against their indoctrination and dogma then you will know what I mean. Listen to any atheist radio broadcast.

Quote:

Since you did (finally) make your intentions clear, via your youtube video links, I'd be happy to give my opinion.

The examples given in the YouTubes are sophomoric, at best.

Using examples such as "you can't pick any color for your room, but if you don't pick orange (which is what I want) I will treat you badly for the rest of your life" has no real world application.

The example of paying your taxes is, I will say better.

Yes, you do have the free will to choose to pay your taxes or not, but if you choose not to, that will result in your paying a fine, or other penalities.
One is aware of those consequences before making their choice. The choices and penalites are well laid out, and do not change.

Correct and if they did, people would be up in arms yet in Eden, God did change the fine if you will and theist just say that that is ok.

Quote:

Anyone who is intelligent enough to read, or retain what is read to them, can see or hear that the God of the OT constantly vascilated in his decisions, meted out punishment and rewards in an arbitrary fashion, and changed horses in mid stream all the time.

This is because the bible was written by a bunch of people, who claimed, perhaps even believed they were being inspired by God, and wrote down all sorts of crazy ****.

Then, different people with the same claims and/or beliefs came along and changed this crazy **** into other crazy ****, the same....but different.

Hell, everybody knows that.

Now, would that have been so hard just to say or ask up front?

So, you're on a mission, too... much like dumbwife. You two are crusaders.

Why are you interested/obsessed with "opening their eyes" - why not let them be? What's it to you what they think? How does it impact you?

You ask whether I am a theist, yet , when I read through your posts, it really looks like you meant to ask if I am christian. Your rebuttals against theist moralty all refer to a single christian source. Theism is not christianity, it is simply beleif in God, not a particular religion.

Spare the rod and all that bullshit eh! Why is it religious people never seem to forgive?
It's a bed, who cares. I'd rather my kids had a good education, do their homework, learn to cook, pay bills, play sports, blah, blah, blah.
I agree that if you change the rules your kids will nothing about trust.

Pemerson wrote:

I don't believe in this sort of silly punishment, which awakens anger in a kid.
If my kid didn't make his bed he wouldn't eat breakfast until the bed is made.
Punishments should be dealt with at the time of the misbehavior. That's how you train a horse.

What a goof.
You say you do not believe in one silly punishment then change it to another silly punishment.

Real bright.

Regards
DL

Greatest I am wrote:

Pemerson wrote:

I don't believe in this sort of silly punishment, which awakens anger in a kid.
If my kid didn't make his bed he wouldn't eat breakfast until the bed is made.
Punishments should be dealt with at the time of the misbehavior. That's how you train a horse.

What a goof.
You say you do not believe in one silly punishment then change it to another silly punishment.

Real bright.

Regards
DL

Actually, I probably never did what you maybe call "punishment." He made his bed, after a bit of coaxing, so there was no punishment involved. Sorry I mentioned the word, just because you did.

And, yes, horses are trained in this manner - repetition, coaxing, with a care in mind. I wasn't trying to be the smart-alec. Get a grip.