jespah: Wieners? Now we're in some very tricky philosophical territory. The best wieners, as everyone knows, are Chicago-style hot dogs, which are made by the Vienna Sausage Company. But a "Wiener" is also a citizen of Vienna (German: "Wien"), and so a Vienna Wiener is nothing more than a redundancy, and a repetitive redundancy at that. In concept it is that which double-backs and bites itself in its proverbial bun, it is a metaphorical hot dog chasing its own tail, much like the tigers who, in furiously chasing each other around a tree, turned into butter. But there is no butter in a Chicago-style hot dog, yet there is celery salt, in much the same way as Colonel Sanders put eleven different kinds of salt in his batter, and there are seven toppings on a Chicago-style dog (mustard, relish, onions, pickle slice, celery salt, tomato wedge, sport pepper), and thus we are brought back to the mystic seven-eleven combination.
So, what have we learned so far?
- Although neither is "stupid" in the conventional sense, I'd bet that Mighty Mouse could kick Colonel Sanders's ass;
- Mighty Mouse and Mickey Mantle share the same initials, but Mighty Mouse could never handle the curve ball;
- If you find that you've just asked an undercover Cincinnati vice-cop to join you for a "three-way," explain to her that you were merely offering to buy her some chili;
- If you think ad hominem arguments are valid, then you're an idiot;
- The doughnut is the symbol for infinity: the doughnut hole, in contrast, comes in boxes of 24;
- And seven is a lucky number up until the point where you're trying to make a hard eight, then its craps.
