Mentally Photoshopping Woman

I was just having this discussion with some men today. We were talking about how certain men make women feel nervous - and they asked me if I ever feel nervous around any of the men that I teach. I said, 'No - not really- because I know if a man is considered to be dangerous to women, he is not allowed on the education wing.'

And another man said, 'That's true... do you know so and so - (he says to the other guys) and they said, 'Yeah! That bloke is seriously bent when it comes to women...you can see it in his eyes - you know the term, 'undressing someone with his eyes?' You can see him doing that whenever a woman crosses his line of vision.'

Apparently, he was let on education for two days before he was removed.

These guys crack me up though. I often listen to them as I'm grading papers or something and the other day they were talking about how there were no good -looking guards. I said, 'Yes there are,' because my mind automatically went to the men guards.
They said, 'Miss - we're talking about the WOMEN guards.' I said, 'Oh....and I tried to think of one, and I thought I came up with one who I thought was pretty and they said, 'She's got a pretty face, but she's too plump.' I started laughing because I hadn't heard anyone use the word 'plump' for a while and it was sort of incongruous coming out of this tough drug dealer's mouth, but anyway I said, 'So what do you consider 'plump'?
He answered, 'Size 14' (size 16 in America) . Then he goes on to explain, 'I like between a 10 and a 12' (which would be 8-10 in America).

And I'm thinking to myself - 'Jesus - they have it down to a science!' They even know what SIZE the ideal woman should wear (in their opinion).

I love my job - there's never a dull moment. I'm always learning something.

Thank you for your reply.

Prisons are a great place to learn about society. Prisoners tend to be blunt and brutally honest. As long as the perceived power differential is in your favor prison are an OK place to work at.

I love it. It's like all the phony filters are removed and you and everyone you interact with are and can be 'real'.
The only thing is - it sort of spoils me for polite society, which has come to seem diluted and boring in comparison.
Let's put it this way - I look forward to work every day - and when the weekend comes I have to find something sort of special to do to make the time go by because I'm looking forward to getting back to the place where everyone can be 'real' again.
I keep wondering if that means there's something wrong with me.

*edited to say - see, I forgot to use manners - You're welcome!

I've never known a woman to be wrong. Sometimes they fail to pick up on the wrongness, but if they see it, it is very likely to be there.

Oh, maybe you'll feel like you're at work if I loose all sense of propriety and ask why when you asked the guys about good looking guards at the prison they didn't mention you as one of their choices.

Men tend to be analytical, and thus they make everything into a science.

Not to brag, but when the one guy said that there were no good-looking guards, the other guy said, 'How about Rebecca?' meaning me - and the other guy said, 'Yeah - but she's not a guard - she's a teacher.'

I just blushed and kept grading papers. And then they asked me who I thought the good-looking male guards were and then they asked me if I thought any inmates were good-looking and I just kept grading papers.

In general though - these guys are lovely to be around- smart, polite, funny...I'd have never have guessed that prisons were filled with these sorts of people. It's just such a shame they can't see a life outside that doesn't involve either using or selling drugs. Their families must be constantly grieving.

I think this topic lends it self to the discussion topic: Is A Woman's Choice in Attire Responsible for Male Arousal? Many people in the States answer this question with a yes, women are responsible for contributing to inappropriate male behavior. It is believed if you wear clothes that show a greater amount of skin and men become aroused then you (as the woman) contributed to that behavior. I suppose if we're all natural deterministic machines driven by our biology than that belief makes sense.

Yeah Roger - we talked about that too. I told them that the only time I had a moment's hesitation about one of the men was when one guy in the class asked me to take him back to the kitchen because he'd forgotten to take a cake he'd made back with him and he was afraid someone would steal it.
I tried to tell him no one could steal it as it was behind a locked door and the teachers, who were the only people who had keys, wouldn't steal it and none of the inmates could get to it, but he was really insistent.

So, me being me, I figured I'd help him out to put his mind at ease, and we got all the way into the outer kitchen when I thought to myself, 'This is not a good idea. No one knows you're in here with this guy - he could have hidden a knife somewhere or something (in the kitchens the knives were locked up but - who the hell knew) and I stopped and said, right to him, 'I'm sorry - but I don't feel comfortable going in there alone with you. Please ask one of the male teachers to help you.'

The men in my class said, 'Thank God - you did the right thing - always trust your instincts'.
They know more than I do about their peers - so I take their thoughts on the matter as gospel.

Yeah - you should check out the 'Hey, can a woman ask to be raped' thread.

<wry smile> Oh, I see you were modest at first and didn't include that little piece of information. <said overly dramatic> <shrug> How could I know? <wink> I kind of suspected this was the case.

But seriously.... I guess you can say you have a male harem (ok, maybe not that serious).

Yep, they can, but typically they are part of the BDSM community.

Yeah - okay you got me THAT's the real reason I like working there!

This is another funny thing they said, 'Miss - you American women are so DIFFERENT from British women!'
I asked them what they meant.
They said, 'You LAUGH!'

No offense, British women...I told them that probably the reason the British women they knew didn't laugh was because they were married to and had children with drug dealers.

They thought that was refreshingly honest. I'm happy to say no one got offended and it did lead to a very interesting discussion on their responsiblity to their families and how that could be met with the man of the family sitting in prison while his wife raised his children alone.

Like I said - it's a fascinating job.

That's their business. As long as they don't make it mine, it's none of my business.

I agree with you, most times, it's just once in a while a person gets stuck in a life that they really would like to leave, but due to poor choices and some emotional bondage and at times due to psychological problems these people feel incapable of changing their life. Sometimes all it takes is a concerned person, a few kind words and a bit of encouragement to help these people break out of their situations (abused and battered women come readily to mind).

Interesting - again- that's just what I was thinking again today. My job is to teach them numeracy and literacy to GCSE level (GED level in the US) but I think a bigger and more important part of my job is to help them feel viable as a person. I think, in fact, I know-because they've told me- that a lot of these guys feel less than human...and as we know, that leads to certain behavior and actions.

It's a very fine line, because we're not allowed to get involved on a personal level at all, and I know that's for our own safety, and I agree with and respect the reasoning behind that rule.

But I also know that what many of these people need is basic and human consideration and kindness. Some of them have never had their birthday recognized, some of them have never been told- 'You are a worthy person, with skills and talents and qualitites that are valid and valuable.'

I think that's as much an important part of my job - helping them feel they are viable and worthy human beings, maybe for the first time - as teaching them how to read and write or multiply and divide.

You show a lot of insight Pronounce. What do you do for a living- anything in the helping professions?

Thank you for your comment, I take that as a compliment. I service computers. Actually I train people and rehabilitate computers. At the moment I'm involved with an educational organization that helps train people to work in cross-cultural environments.

Isn't that true for all of us to some degree? The fact that you've got a heart for those you teach is wonderful, but at the same time personally dangerous.

I know someone who was married to a psychotic murder. Luckily she escaped with her life, unfortunately some other women weren't so lucky. As she tells the story, "he was a normal guy, kind of quiet and didn't push his ideas on others. I like that quality about him." He ended up in jail, but I think I heard he's dead now.

I think those two quotes show that you're the right person for the job. You care, but you speak the truth. We all need a healthy balance of truth and love.