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Sat 30 Nov, 2002 05:10 pm
A kid sees in the movies
What a real kid never sees
And he hears songs about things
That a real kid never sings
And he hears tales on t.v. shows
Sees films made while real blood flows
And all his friends shirk and they ditch school
They smoke and they drink 'cause it's cool
When one kid shoots another kid
Well take a look at what we did
We glorify evil things
From loose sex to a murderous fling
We tell lies go in disguise
When one gets caught he cries
Though I'm to blame don't punish me
I'll bear no responsibility
In small things the demons lurk
Folks want to have cash but not to work
Ya know a kid lives in a small world
And that's where the garbage gets hurled
A kid knows just what he sees
And that's the thing he believes
All your words will miss him
As in they have no mission
You will know you have failed in the end
When he cries I don't know you my friend
As he sees in you the fool
He rebels against your rule
But a man will shrug and be dumb
Unable to reach out to his son
He will feel the truth at the end
It's when he reaps the whirlwind
Ah you just go on do your thing
My words won't matter or even sting
But I'll see you later down the line
I hope your tale won't parrallel mine
Powerful and topical my friend.
Well written but a little too grave for my point of view. In a singular view it may well be true but not a universal truth. But again, well written!
It is an isolated point of view at a grave time in the protagonist's life. I think by the way I worded it there was room for other points of view.
Nice rhyme. Good message, yet--honestly?--too didactic for me. If "my words won't matter or even sting," um, then why ask a reader to read them?
Spoken dramatically, with a stronger rhythm, it would perform excellently! I almost hear a rap beat with this and see movement and theatrical expression.
Well, dupre, I will be first to admit some of my work outright sucks. I only hope the overall body of it will be of a good quality.
Whoa. I never said that. You have so much meaning behind your words. I loved I Made You, not just for the more positive slant, but the expression was marvelous. I reread this one looking for some poetic expression, found it in, "It's when he reaps the whirlwind." But, maybe you wanted this one to be straight on, no fancy talk. And in that sense, this style and message mesh together nicely.
overall context, dupre. I don't ever expect to be hailed as a true poet.
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