Start a family

@TuringEquivalent,

Lots of people can't stand being alone and have a weird habit of feeling worthless because of it. A family is a quick fix to that situation. Then once enough people got to doing it the people who otherwise would have had their loneliness sated by simply having a 'relationship' start panicking and get hitched asap and before you know it everyone's married. There's really not a good reason to do it, most do it because they're miserably lonely. But then in that case they'll probably wind up raising some screwed up kids if they're screwed up themselves. In any case it's probably better to actually get one's life in order instead of dragging some kid into your screwed up life.

If you don't want to get married don't do it. Honestly I don't see why you would, unless you have some kind of sadistic need to make it so that it's as difficult as humanly possible for someone to not be with you.

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@TuringEquivalent,

There are many reasons.

- to produce an heir
- secure the lineage
- status, many 3rd world countries it is a status symbol to have many children, because it reflects the wealth nessesary to support a large family
- because of group think, some people doesn't like to stand out of the norm to produce children and feel like lesser persons, of not being able
- because of hormons activated, unlocking the instinct to produce a child
- the naivity of love-children binding a uninterested lover, usually a naive woman will belive a child being able to keep a man to her

..etc.

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@TuringEquivalent,

TuringEquivalent;142160 wrote:

I am at an age where people around me seems to start a family, are in the process of doing so. People tell me that i should start worrying, and that i am not getting any younger. What is this drive to start a family? Why? Why do you start a family? Why is good about it? You have more responsibility, and less fun, so why do people go for it?

It is done on instinct, and only makes sense after it is done, if at all...If you are trapped in childhood as I was, and never want to get out, and I did, then you should not get married or have children...People have children for themselves, for their own reasons, and then they find children have reasons all to themselves...You may as well have children for children because that is how it will work out...Don't live for them, or you will resent them...Live with them, and ttry to be their guide to successful life...

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@TuringEquivalent,

what is the drive, well that depends if your male or female, tick tock goes that clock so your body :surrender:

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@TuringEquivalent,

TuringEquivalent;142160 wrote:

I am at an age where people around me seems to start a family, are in the process of doing so. People tell me that i should start worrying, and that i am not getting any younger. What is this drive to start a family? Why? Why do you start a family? Why is good about it? You have more responsibility, and less fun, so why do people go for it?

Not everyone starts a family. And of those who marry, not all of them have children. For example, I am married but have no children. My wife is my best friend, and I enjoy spending time with her. There are legal and social implications for being married, which, in my case, are all for the good. One should think carefully about the legal implications of marriage before getting married, just as one should think about the legal implications of any contract one signs, before one signs it. I have no need of having any children, and never will have them at this point.

In your case, you should think about what you really want out of life, and then decide whether a family (whatever you mean by that) is compatible with what you want or not, and whether or not it is necessary for whatever it is that you decide that you want. But first be clear in your own mind about what you really want, as once you have children, you can't put them back where you got them. And getting a divorce, though generally easier than getting rid of children, is still some bother, and usually not considered a good thing in itself. Otherwise, people would be getting married just so that they could get a divorce later on, which, as far as I know, no one has ever done.

So, if you don't want to get married, then don't. And if you don't want to have children, then don't. Just make sure that you are careful about what you actually do, as many people have had children from doing something they wanted to do, but they did not actually want children as a result.

1 Reply

@Pyrrho,

Pyrrho;142295 wrote:

Not everyone starts a family. And of those who marry, not all of them have children. For example, I am married but have no children. My wife is my best friend, and I enjoy spending time with her. There are legal and social implications for being married, which, in my case, are all for the good. One should think carefully about the legal implications of marriage before getting married, just as one should think about the legal implications of any contract one signs, before one signs it.

you're really romantic Laughing

1 Reply

@froach,

froach;143219 wrote:

Pyrrho;142295 wrote:
Not everyone starts a family. And of those who marry, not all of them have children. For example, I am married but have no children. My wife is my best friend, and I enjoy spending time with her. There are legal and social implications for being married, which, in my case, are all for the good. One should think carefully about the legal implications of marriage before getting married, just as one should think about the legal implications of any contract one signs, before one signs it.

you're really romantic

Although you were obviously being sarcastic, I actually am romantic. But that does not make me stupid about the reality of signing a contract. Unfortunately, quite a few people are stupid about such things, and do not fully appreciate what they are doing when they get married. And so they often end up unhappy about what they willingly chose to do.

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@TuringEquivalent,

Marry for love?
Marry for friendship?
Marry for legal status?
Marry because others are getting married?
Marry to not feel lonely?
Marry because one 'should'?
Mary had a little lamb

1 Reply

@mister kitten,

mister kitten;143226 wrote:

Marry for love?
Marry for friendship?
Marry for legal status?
Marry because others are getting married?
Marry to not feel lonely?
Marry because one 'should'?
...

Those motives are not mutually exclusive. I would not have married my wife if I did not love her, nor would I have married her if I did not "like" her (i.e., if she were not my best friend, because even if you are having sex four hours a day, you are still not having sex most of the time, so you need to get along in a nonsexual way), nor would I have married her if I did not want the legal implications of what I was doing. If you have one really good reason to not get married, you ought not let other things blind you to what would be a bad choice.

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@TuringEquivalent,

TuringEquivalent;142160 wrote:

I am at an age where people around me seems to start a family, are in the process of doing so. People tell me that i should start worrying, and that i am not getting any younger. What is this drive to start a family? Why? Why do you start a family? Why is good about it? You have more responsibility, and less fun, so why do people go for it?

In my own case, I am in my upper mid twenties and have been together with my fianc? for more than 8 years. And especially considering the fact that I am roman catholic (loosely LOL!), Italian, and my fianc? is Sicilian (whose parents make Italian Roman Catholics look like heretics), I have had little issue living with her for more than six years. This just goes to say that you really should not pay attention to what anyone else says you should do about either getting married or stating a family, because you essentially have as much time as you think you have.

On getting married, there are many benefits, whether that be taxes, etc. But I tend to think that people who get married too early are a little foolish in the respect that they rush into relationships without fully being acquainted with their significant other. But my fianc? and I are best friends. And not in the token way, but genuine bro-but-a-girl way. She shares my interests, finances, and even the same profession. I could not picture living alone at this point, and I rely very much on her for most everything, from handling bills to comparing legal briefs. It's a great thing to be a part of.

Now should you have a family in particular? Honestly, I would say yes. Not because of any destined reason to do so or any sort of religious dogma or anything like that, but getting old sucks. And as you get older, the more and more you tend to rely on your family to help you out with the most simplest of things. Do you really want to end up in a nursing home (which incidentally costs more than $6k a month if you don't have insurance or at minimum home care insurance) or even worse? Food for thought.

But my own perspective on the issue of family is that you should have a family when you are able to more than adequately provide for them. This has been something instilled in me since I was very little. Though I may get many a disagreement with this, I have mostly been of the opinion that disparity is the worst thing you can expose your child to. A loving home is one thing, but the ability to help them succeed and be the most competitive they can be is I think essential to their future (and yours as well). Once you settle in your professional life, you will most likely have a very comfortable private life. But that is my own rather extreme opinion.

And having a godson I spend a lot of time with, I can say that kids are awesome. The issues you encounter with them are far exceeded by the fun you have with them and teaching them this and that. I have made it a pet project of mine trying to get him to read as early as possible (I even got the "your baby can read" thing from the as-seen-on-tv? which interestingly enough works very well). Though being involved with him as a godfather is not as direct as actually having a son in particular, my friend does not seem to mind either.

1 Reply

@VideCorSpoon,

VideCorSpoon;143253 wrote:

In my own case, I am in my upper mid twenties and have been together with my fianc? for more than 8 years. And especially considering the fact that I am roman catholic (loosely LOL!), Italian, and my fianc? is Sicilian (whose parents make Italian Roman Catholics look like heretics), I have had little issue living with her for more than six years. This just goes to say that you really should not pay attention to what anyone else says you should do about either getting married or stating a family, because you essentially have as much time as you think you have.

On getting married, there are many benefits, whether that be taxes, etc. But I tend to think that people who get married too early are a little foolish in the respect that they rush into relationships without fully being acquainted with their significant other. But my fianc? and I are best friends. And not in the token way, but genuine bro-but-a-girl way. She shares my interests, finances, and even the same profession. I could not picture living alone at this point, and I rely very much on her for most everything, from handling bills to comparing legal briefs. It's a great thing to be a part of.

Now should you have a family in particular? Honestly, I would say yes. Not because of any destined reason to do so or any sort of religious dogma or anything like that, but getting old sucks. And as you get older, the more and more you tend to rely on your family to help you out with the most simplest of things. Do you really want to end up in a nursing home (which incidentally costs more than $6k a month if you don't have insurance or at minimum home care insurance) or even worse? Food for thought.

But my own perspective on the issue of family is that you should have a family when you are able to more than adequately provide for them. This has been something instilled in me since I was very little. Though I may get many a disagreement with this, I have mostly been of the opinion that disparity is the worst thing you can expose your child to. A loving home is one thing, but the ability to help them succeed and be the most competitive they can be is I think essential to their future (and yours as well). Once you settle in your professional life, you will most likely have a very comfortable private life. But that is my own rather extreme opinion.

And having a godson I spend a lot of time with, I can say that kids are awesome. The issues you encounter with them are far exceeded by the fun you have with them and teaching them this and that. I have made it a pet project of mine trying to get him to read as early as possible (I even got the "your baby can read" thing from the as-seen-on-tv? which interestingly enough works very well). Though being involved with him as a godfather is not as direct as actually having a son in particular, my friend does not seem to mind either.

Could U Use an European Godfather ? I know you have relatives in Italy (which one of the Scilly), but we Dutch were pretty close to the Norman King in Palermo.

Anyway, Times change. In this day and age ZI wouldn't call myself God or Father but Peter. We should talk travellin expenses if your child needs it's Peter. Initial visit will be an Honour.

Best to your fianc?,
You both do Property Law ?
Federal or State ?
:Glasses:

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