Start a family

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I am at an age where people around me seems to start a family, are in the process of doing so. People tell me that i should start worrying, and that i am not getting any younger. What is this drive to start a family? Why? Why do you start a family? Why is good about it? You have more responsibility, and less fun, so why do people go for it?

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@TuringEquivalent,

Lots of people can't stand being alone and have a weird habit of feeling worthless because of it. A family is a quick fix to that situation. Then once enough people got to doing it the people who otherwise would have had their loneliness sated by simply having a 'relationship' start panicking and get hitched asap and before you know it everyone's married. There's really not a good reason to do it, most do it because they're miserably lonely. But then in that case they'll probably wind up raising some screwed up kids if they're screwed up themselves. In any case it's probably better to actually get one's life in order instead of dragging some kid into your screwed up life.

If you don't want to get married don't do it. Honestly I don't see why you would, unless you have some kind of sadistic need to make it so that it's as difficult as humanly possible for someone to not be with you.

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@TuringEquivalent,

There are many reasons.

- to produce an heir
- secure the lineage
- status, many 3rd world countries it is a status symbol to have many children, because it reflects the wealth nessesary to support a large family
- because of group think, some people doesn't like to stand out of the norm to produce children and feel like lesser persons, of not being able
- because of hormons activated, unlocking the instinct to produce a child
- the naivity of love-children binding a uninterested lover, usually a naive woman will belive a child being able to keep a man to her

..etc.

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@TuringEquivalent,

TuringEquivalent;142160 wrote:

I am at an age where people around me seems to start a family, are in the process of doing so. People tell me that i should start worrying, and that i am not getting any younger. What is this drive to start a family? Why? Why do you start a family? Why is good about it? You have more responsibility, and less fun, so why do people go for it?

It is done on instinct, and only makes sense after it is done, if at all...If you are trapped in childhood as I was, and never want to get out, and I did, then you should not get married or have children...People have children for themselves, for their own reasons, and then they find children have reasons all to themselves...You may as well have children for children because that is how it will work out...Don't live for them, or you will resent them...Live with them, and ttry to be their guide to successful life...

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@TuringEquivalent,

what is the drive, well that depends if your male or female, tick tock goes that clock so your body :surrender:

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@TuringEquivalent,

TuringEquivalent;142160 wrote:

I am at an age where people around me seems to start a family, are in the process of doing so. People tell me that i should start worrying, and that i am not getting any younger. What is this drive to start a family? Why? Why do you start a family? Why is good about it? You have more responsibility, and less fun, so why do people go for it?

Not everyone starts a family. And of those who marry, not all of them have children. For example, I am married but have no children. My wife is my best friend, and I enjoy spending time with her. There are legal and social implications for being married, which, in my case, are all for the good. One should think carefully about the legal implications of marriage before getting married, just as one should think about the legal implications of any contract one signs, before one signs it. I have no need of having any children, and never will have them at this point.

In your case, you should think about what you really want out of life, and then decide whether a family (whatever you mean by that) is compatible with what you want or not, and whether or not it is necessary for whatever it is that you decide that you want. But first be clear in your own mind about what you really want, as once you have children, you can't put them back where you got them. And getting a divorce, though generally easier than getting rid of children, is still some bother, and usually not considered a good thing in itself. Otherwise, people would be getting married just so that they could get a divorce later on, which, as far as I know, no one has ever done.

So, if you don't want to get married, then don't. And if you don't want to have children, then don't. Just make sure that you are careful about what you actually do, as many people have had children from doing something they wanted to do, but they did not actually want children as a result.

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@Pyrrho,

Pyrrho;142295 wrote:

Not everyone starts a family. And of those who marry, not all of them have children. For example, I am married but have no children. My wife is my best friend, and I enjoy spending time with her. There are legal and social implications for being married, which, in my case, are all for the good. One should think carefully about the legal implications of marriage before getting married, just as one should think about the legal implications of any contract one signs, before one signs it.

you're really romantic Laughing

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@froach,

froach;143219 wrote:

Pyrrho;142295 wrote:
Not everyone starts a family. And of those who marry, not all of them have children. For example, I am married but have no children. My wife is my best friend, and I enjoy spending time with her. There are legal and social implications for being married, which, in my case, are all for the good. One should think carefully about the legal implications of marriage before getting married, just as one should think about the legal implications of any contract one signs, before one signs it.

you're really romantic

Although you were obviously being sarcastic, I actually am romantic. But that does not make me stupid about the reality of signing a contract. Unfortunately, quite a few people are stupid about such things, and do not fully appreciate what they are doing when they get married. And so they often end up unhappy about what they willingly chose to do.

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@TuringEquivalent,

Marry for love?
Marry for friendship?
Marry for legal status?
Marry because others are getting married?
Marry to not feel lonely?
Marry because one 'should'?
Mary had a little lamb

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@mister kitten,

mister kitten;143226 wrote:

Marry for love?
Marry for friendship?
Marry for legal status?
Marry because others are getting married?
Marry to not feel lonely?
Marry because one 'should'?
...

Those motives are not mutually exclusive. I would not have married my wife if I did not love her, nor would I have married her if I did not "like" her (i.e., if she were not my best friend, because even if you are having sex four hours a day, you are still not having sex most of the time, so you need to get along in a nonsexual way), nor would I have married her if I did not want the legal implications of what I was doing. If you have one really good reason to not get married, you ought not let other things blind you to what would be a bad choice.

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@TuringEquivalent,

TuringEquivalent;142160 wrote:

I am at an age where people around me seems to start a family, are in the process of doing so. People tell me that i should start worrying, and that i am not getting any younger. What is this drive to start a family? Why? Why do you start a family? Why is good about it? You have more responsibility, and less fun, so why do people go for it?

1 Reply

@VideCorSpoon,

VideCorSpoon;143253 wrote:

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Start a family

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