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Untitled (some stuff im writing as i go on)

 
 
Reply Fri 10 Jul, 2009 06:22 pm
This world is rotting,
A child abused,
This world is rotting,
A planet confused,
Nothing more than a heap of hate,
A changing wind breaths dark fate,
Helpless and alone,
We are Condemned.

Falling into the void,
A Limbo Unknown,
No point of origin,
No point to anything,
When can i stop,
The silence crashes around me,
Gravity betrays me,
i continue to fall.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 679 • Replies: 2
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Catchabula
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2009 06:11 am
@Imnotrussian,
Hm, to be honest I think you can not make a good poem exclusively based on "bad feelings". A clear suggestion of "feeling bad" can only win by contrasting it with at least the possibility of hope. In its present form the poem is "unreal", because you simply know there is more but you chose to ignore it. As such the poem is a lie. Well, a poem is always a lie but it's a lie of a different kind... He, what kind of nonsense am I telling here? ;-)
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Imnotrussian
 
  1  
Reply Tue 14 Jul, 2009 06:18 am
@Imnotrussian,
I chose to ignore subtext as i wanted the poem to become generalised and manipulated to suit different forms of subtext or different motives
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