reunion

I'm also wrestling with Time. Time that has to come is nothing yet, time that has passed is nothing anymore. We only have memories and expectations, and where they meet there's an equally unsubstantial present. Time is like a matrosjka-puppet of presents, what I just had for dinner is the present to me, and so is my first love. And when we sleep we loose the power to consciously handle these layers we call the "present". I often dream of my first love, and I'm in love again, terribly in love. And I often wonder how I will die, will I be able to die in peace? Will I be able to be thankful for what I had... but lost? This is an abyss. I think I need a drink...

it occurred to me later that this is totally irrelevant to philosophy. this forum must be for essays about our creative ideas on philosophy-and although ideals like truth and beauty and love have a place in philosophy, how does poetry apply? anyway, we can claim it has to do with time...the concept of time.

rather than responding here, because it runs into a long story, i think i will make a blog entry on the whole episode. it was one of those loose ends i had to tie up before i divorced myself from my past life and set out on a new path.

doesnt everyone wonder what happened to the first love? where is he/she today? i always remembered scot as the only bright spot in a really horrible experience called youth. one day i went back looking for him.

i know we cant go back-but i thought maybe i could bring him into the present. what had time done to him i wondered?

Lol, Salima! In the Creative Writing section appear the weirdest things, and this is far from weird, it's a very relevant meditation on time and its passing, once and forever a key philosophical subject (I won't open the books on this). There is a very important imperative when you have choosen this place to work: to be yourself, whatever happens. Who ever invented that we think with our "mind", leaving out all the rest? It's like chopping off a person's head, hoping to isolate "pure thought". Bringing in your thoughts = bringing in Salima. Remember Popeye's motto: I am what I am what I am. As I said a hundred times before: If they don't dig you, don't dig them. But they can dig a lot here.

As to the first love, we can go back to the person but never to the love, except in memories and dreams. I don't know if there is a big difference between first and subsequent loves in this respect. I'm so happy when I see M.A., because we will have a great conversation, relaxed, friendly... could it be because we once "had" something, and went to bed together? When I see R. on the contrary, she gives me a dark look and then she ignores me, though there were the same kind of adventures as with M.A. As to G., my first love, I rather stick to my own feelings and a few poems, because when she disappeared from my horizon I begon to realize she was in fact a... , I mean not very clever or deep. I don't need to see her again to be convinced of that, but I didn't see her for a long time now. Imagine she had all changed, and at a later age became worthy of the intense love I once had for her? All irrelevant: I have found my Love, and her name is Lilian. You were asking for her name, no? She's a flower and an Angel, and she's the Best of the Best. Ain't I a lucky b...? ;-)

yes, i asked for her name, and you really are lucky! I believe i mentioned that once before. i have not found my Love and he has not found me. no, actually i think i did find him, but am probably wrong abouto him and who he is and everyone else is right. socially it isnt possible due to various restrictions in cultural understanding and we had to call it off. but i met him.

i pretty much am not looking any more. god set me up for a lot of pratfalls when it comes to love, and sat there laughing at me all the time i think. i will have the last laugh on him some day...