1
   

Piano in the pavilion (a poem with music)

 
 
Lily
 
Reply Wed 8 Jul, 2009 03:10 pm
Okey, I'm going to try something here. Imagin a beautiful person sitting and playing the piano in a garden pavilion and a ordinary girl sneeks in. Click play on the youtube-klip and the start to read the poem.



Your eyes are like a piece of amber
ancient secrets burried in the colour of honey
a soft ting-a-ling from the piano
Your skin is like ivory
fair and smooth
Ting-a-ling
Your artistic fingers dance across the piano
the night in the pavilion
Why, why must you smile?
Please don't, because it makes me cry
Hurt so much to love you
Why must you be so hard to reach
when you are sitting right in front of me
Ting-a-ling
Your hair is like gold
flowing down on your sholders
I try to reach you
Try to caress your rosy cheek
but I can't touch you
Your amber eyes look right through me
You can't see me
Doesn't matter how much I love you
You can't see, because you don't exist


Or, is it I who don't exist?
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 814 • Replies: 4
No top replies

 
Catchabula
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2009 01:59 pm
@Lily,
Lily, this has many beautiful verses and an ending full of potential. But in my very humble opinion you could drop a few verses too (take the ting-a-ling). I really hope I did not offend you by saying this. I'm simply honest in the expression of my appreciation.
Caroline
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Jul, 2009 12:21 am
@Lily,
I like the ting a lings. Smile
0 Replies
 
Lily
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Jul, 2009 06:11 am
@Catchabula,
Catchabula;76125 wrote:
Lily, this has many beautiful verses and an ending full of potential. But in my very humble opinion you could drop a few verses too (take the ting-a-ling). I really hope I did not offend you by saying this. I'm simply honest in the expression of my appreciation.

Of course not, all opinions are useful Smile
Caroline;76253 wrote:
I like the ting a lings. Smile

Well, we all have different taste (and thank God for that)
0 Replies
 
Lily
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Jul, 2009 02:00 pm
@Lily,
And I should tell you that the poem actually has some bits from different poems, and that's probably why it might give a mixed impression
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

What inspired you to write...discuss - Discussion by lostnsearching
It floated there..... - Discussion by Letty
Small Voices - Discussion by Endymion
Rockets Red Glare - Discussion by edgarblythe
Short Story: Wilkerson's Tank - Discussion by edgarblythe
The Virtual Storytellers Campfire - Discussion by cavfancier
1st Annual Able2Know Halloween Story Contest - Discussion by realjohnboy
Literary Agents (a resource for writers) - Discussion by Craven de Kere
 
  1. Forums
  2. » Piano in the pavilion (a poem with music)
Copyright © 2024 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 12/26/2024 at 07:30:39