@sarek,
Recognizable, all to recognizable. Being in the same age range (19) makes it even more relevant to me. It's fun to see you've got the same introverted psychobabble I do when when we are realizing something is wrong, but don't know what it is, or what to do about it. (Please don't feel insulted!)
I think we need to understand that there are all kinds of people. Some more superficial than others. We all see a different world and well; ours is quite harsh. However we also seem to overanalyze our world and strive for perfection (remember; our view of perfection). Yours, like mine, is quite passive. Just a calm life, in which we don't ask to many of ourselves or others and just live a happy life, with, or without a significant other.
However, no such world exists. We might have started believing something like that because we watch lot of movies and there are much people that apparently live that life in the movies.
The demands you've written down are extremes and will never be, also like you said they are extremely limiting yourself from your full potential. On the other hand, they do mark your personality, so negotiate with yourself on what aspects are important for you and you should keep, and which you are to overcome. Also; these are ultimate goals; you are neglecting the roadmap. Ive been setting more concrete long- and short-term goals to reach in order to become a better me that I like more.
Well, on to the hard part; social interactions.
We are, without any arrogance, somewhat more aware of people surrounding us. I think this is manly because our pessimism, false hopes and criticism, and if you're really like me add misanthropy into the mix.
Anyhow, you think you are alone in the world because you've got a small group of friends. But doesn't everyone only has a few good friends, and a lot of acquaintances. They just are more flexible in the fact that they can handle the fact that people come and go.
Sure there ought to be a disclaimer here that some people are indeed extremely shallow and superficial. But enough people are not. Depending on what you want from people you might miss out of things. You might not.
You said you are an introvert, while wishing to be more of an socializer, sure you must understand that is just the good old "the grass is greener on the other side".
Best advice I can give you is to sit down, read your post again, and start thinking about what you really want, no abstract ideas but concrete wishes. Stop looking at how you're life can be, and play a victim of society or yourself, and start working on what you can make of it.
Hope this helps.
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