Social Skills

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What are social skills? The ability to interact and fit in with others?

Did you ever go to a party when you were young? Try to fit in and act like you were having fun. Maybe laugh at jokes that really weren't that funny? Meander around and mingle while all the time wanting to hit the door running as fast as you could. But, you didn't. You stayed there and put on this disingenuous face of a person who was having a good time. Have to fit in. Got to try and have some sense of belonging.

You like people. You want to be a part of a community of people. But, where do you fit in? Does it really matter if you fit in at all? If you try and be something other than who you are, it is apparent. You stand out like a sore thumb. What inevitably follows is rejection. Pretty good for the ego, still, you do not know where you belong.

Perhaps you long to be a part of any community that would accept you. So, where do you fit in? What are social skills? I do not know. Guess, you just have to try and be yourself and let the cards fall where they may.

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@Elmud,

i think social skills are related to behaving appropriately in a society regardless of whatever society you are in.

for instance, i remember a fellow who worked in an office where i did-he was the mail guy, he brought the mail around every day on a cart. he usually wore a white shirt and black vest, he was an old black fellow with gray hair and looked very distinguished. he was a drinker (apart from his work personna) and obviously street smart fellow. but what i admired most about him was that he was at ease and fit in with every society, in every strata. he could talk to the lowest life outside hanging around on the corner and yet hold his own in front of the ceo of the company. i dont know how he did it. to me that is the epitome of social skills.

i was always only comfortable within a small minority of situations.

but i know it is possible to find a community that fits you. i have changed my social surroundings to one that i can relate to and it is halfway around the world from where i spent already an entire lifetime. i am happy here. but i have no skills to navigate in any other environment.

the worst thing to do is to change the real you to fit something else, other than when it serves a purpose temporarily, outwardly, as a matter of diplomacy of course. (that is useful) but the trick is to know which is the real you. the longer you live without discovering that and depending on how many ways you have tried to cover it up that could be next to impossible.

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@Elmud,

I am a non drinker and was a shy introvert but the moment I drank I became another person and he drank like hell and he, not me was the life of the party

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@Alan McDougall,

Oh so like me Alan, ide chat a girl up drunk and if i met her for a date they never believed it was the same boy.The extrovert in all of us becomes visible after a few bevvies,it lubricates the mouth.That's why drinking is so popular for social occassions.The only trouble is i dont really give a dam for social skills after toooo many.

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@Alan McDougall,

Alan McDougall;70055 wrote:

I am a non drinker and was a shy introvert but the moment I drank I became another person and he drank like hell and he, not me was the life of the party

I wish I could remember ,Well, it was Jerry Lewis's son who had a hit song a long time ago. Jerry Lewis and the playboys if i remember correctly. Wish i could remember all of the words. I think the name of the song was "everybody loves a clown, so why don't you". Was about a man trying to fit in. to gain love and acceptance. Try to make everyone laugh. He put on this exterior of a clown, hoping to be something that he was not. Laughing on the outside, but crying on the inside. don't know if that makes much sense. Just thought of that old song.

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@Elmud,

I'm good at dealing with people, aspecially young adults, and I'm good at conversing. But I'm not a very social person, I can handle being alone. And I'm pretending to be someone else to fit in. I don't know if I have social skills, or totally lack them.

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@Lily,

Hi there,

Nice question!

The way I see it, is talking on a role - a character in a play. There is drama in a group. You look around (I mean you really get into the role, not pretending), you understand, and you participate. It can be a group in a bar talking about baseball. Or a group of businessman talking about their company. Ot it can be a sewing circle or a group of philosophers. Immersing oneself in the character. And if you are really good at it, you become a key player. If not, well, like any actor, you might not be accepted for the part. Smile

As I observe life - it feels like a Play - or many plays, full of drama, characters, relationships, ... all of the stuff you find in a good Shakespearean play - only it is real. Look at reality shows on TV. Where is the line between real life and play life. I am not sure. Smile

Interestingly, most people actually play different characters depending upon the setting.

Some people are better at it than others. It is a skill that takes time to learn - just like playing music or playing any game. Smile

Rich

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@xris,

xris;70060 wrote:

Oh so like me Alan, ide chat a girl up drunk and if i met her for a date they never believed it was the same boy.The extrovert in all of us becomes visible after a few bevvies,it lubricates the mouth.That's why drinking is so popular for social occassions.The only trouble is i dont really give a dam for social skills after toooo many.

xris and others on a more serious note I think social skills are skills needed to avoid offending another person That is is why it is necessary to learn the social norms of other ethnic groups

For instance , here in SA an African guy will on returning home with his wife, open the door and go in first. The logic to this why expose your wife to possibly danger lurking in the empty house

We of European culture open the door and let our wives into the house first as a gesture of politeness

When we go and see our boss we remain standing and him seated until he gives the OK to sit down The reverse is done by a black guy, he is the boss, so he must tower over his inferior, so he gets up and you must sit down.

When there are two people standing in conversation the African guys will walk between them must to the disgust of the white guys. To the African to walk around the back of a person equates to lurking or arrogance

Much of these African social skills are being lost as they become more Westernised

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@Elmud,

Elmud;70062 wrote:

Well, it was Jerry Lewis's son who had a hit song a long time ago. Jerry Lewis and the playboys if i remember correctly. Wish i could remember all of the words. I think the name of the song was "everybody loves a clown

The name of the song is correct, but.. 'Gary Lewis and the Playboys' sang it. Jerry Lewis's son.. that was funny. Thanx

**********************************

I would think that 'social skills' are the 'skills' necessary to not offend others...

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@Alan McDougall,

Alan McDougall;70671 wrote:

xris and others on a more serious note I think social skills are skills needed to avoid offending another person That is is why it is necessary to learn the social norms of other ethnic groups

For instance , here in SA an African guy will on returning home with his wife, open the door and go in first. The logic to this why expose your wife to possibly danger lurking in the empty house

We of European culture open the door and let our wives into the house first as a gesture of politeness

When we go and see our boss we remain standing and him seated until he gives the OK to sit down The reverse is done by a beach guy, he is the boss, so he must tower over his inferior, so he gets up and you must sit down.

When there are two people standing in conversation the African guys will walk betwwen them must to the digust of the white guys. To the African to walk around the back of a person equates to lurking or arrogance

Much of these African social skills are being lost as they become more Westerised

Thanks for that Alan these little quirky differences are enlightening.Both are logical when you consider them.I cant stand being called boy by south Africans ,i have fallen out with a few"im not your boy" is my usual reply.

1 Reply

@xris,

xris;70687 wrote:

Thanks for that Alan these little quirky differences are enlightening.Both are logical when you consider them.I cant stand being called boy by south Africans ,i have fallen out with a few"im not your boy" is my usual reply.

Could I add my essay in here Practical advise of how I think we should live out lives. The social element is also incorporated.

HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE

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@Elmud,

Terry
I am still trying to fathom you, whether to take you seriously or not

Peace to Mr. Wong

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@richrf,

richrf;70660 wrote:

Hi there,

Nice question!

The way I see it, is talking on a role - a character in a play. There is drama in a group. You look around (I mean you really get into the role, not pretending), you understand, and you participate. It can be a group in a bar talking about baseball. Or a group of businessman talking about their company. Ot it can be a sewing circle or a group of philosophers. Immersing oneself in the character. And if you are really good at it, you become a key player. If not, well, like any actor, you might not be accepted for the part.

As I observe life - it feels like a Play - or many plays, full of drama, characters, relationships, ... all of the stuff you find in a good Shakespearean play - only it is real. Look at reality shows on TV. Where is the line between real life and play life. I am not sure. Interestingly, most people actually play different characters depending upon the setting.

Some people are better at it than others. It is a skill that takes time to learn - just like playing music or playing any game.

Rich

I like this analogy a lot, I often compare it to a game. There are rules which are both taught and learned through experience, these rules in general terms can be applied to any given situation, such is the nature of socializing. One has to think of themselves in third person almost, imagining their own perception through the eyes of another and using this image to shape their own behaviour towards others. I've always found something fundamentally banal about the entity of socialising but I deem it to be necessary and it has it's worth.

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@richrf,

richrf;70660 wrote:

Hi there,

Nice question!

The way I see it, is talking on a role - a character in a play. There is drama in a group. You look around (I mean you really get into the role, not pretending), you understand, and you participate. It can be a group in a bar talking about baseball. Or a group of businessman talking about their company. Ot it can be a sewing circle or a group of philosophers. Immersing oneself in the character. And if you are really good at it, you become a key player. If not, well, like any actor, you might not be accepted for the part.

As I observe life - it feels like a Play - or many plays, full of drama, characters, relationships, ... all of the stuff you find in a good Shakespearean play - only it is real. Look at reality shows on TV. Where is the line between real life and play life. I am not sure. Interestingly, most people actually play different characters depending upon the setting.

Some people are better at it than others. It is a skill that takes time to learn - just like playing music or playing any game.

Rich

This analogy has a whole sociological school.
Dramaturgy (sociology) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

1 Reply

@GoshisDead,

GoshisDead;84179 wrote:

This analogy has a whole sociological school.
Dramaturgy (sociology) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Kudos for the link, it's an extremely interesting sociological branch.

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