Fulfillment

I always admired CS Lewis. I read quite a bit of his writings and was fascinated by his allegorical writing style.

I remember years ago, I was in a hospital waiting room. I picked up a copy of time magazine and came across an article where they were interviewing CS. Lewis. This interview was toward the end of his days and he was reflecting back on his life.His reflection was with a sense of regret.His comment was that he wished he had spent less time with his writings and studies, and more time being involved in service oriented activities.There seemed to be a feeling of emptiness in his conversation with the interviewer. A feeling of lost opportunities to be a part of things that he then considered worthwhile.

As a young man, I use to be heavily into apologetics.I was consumed by it. I loved to debate others and get this sort of one upsmanship on people.I was not really interested in having an open conversation with people. It was more about using what I had learned from others to "win" the debate. I had no desire to really listen to what the other person had to say. I just wanted them to hurry up and finish so I could get my point across.

Now, I'm facing getting old. I look back at those times in my life and i've come to believe that all the time spent, and all the books read may have been a waste of time.

I can relate to that CS. Lewis article. What I ask myself now is, what is fulfillment? There is no fulfillment in apologetics for me anymore. I actually have forgotten what knowledge I picked up while studying the subject. And I'm glad. The memories of the debates are enough for me to want to take a pill.

What I do remember are the times my stepfather and I use to pick up food which had passed its expiration dates at the grocery store, load them up in his pick up, and take them down to Andre House. An organization which feeds the homeless. Just to be a small part of that was one of the happiest times in my life.

What is fulfillment? Different things to different people I suppose. I do not minimize the importance of great philosophies and theologies. Those are things that have shaped the world as we know it today. But I wonder, were all of those brilliant men happy? Only they could tell I guess.
As for me, I will continue to dabble in philosophy and religion. I still find it fascinating. But now, its more about what you have to say then what I have to say. I understand my intellectual limitations, and it is my pleasure to read your thoughts about things.

But stlll, there is this thing in my mind, this longing to work in a soup kitchen. I'm a good cook. My lasagna is really good I have to tell ya. My oldest daughter tells me its never too late to be what you might have been. Unfortunately, I know that my desire now should have been pursued when I was young. So, i'm here in this forum to hear what you have to say and hopefully I'll learn a few things I did not know and keep my mind sharp so Alzheimers doesn't set in.