Reply
Mon 29 Dec, 2008 12:56 pm
"Tell me we're ok"
Brian caught his breath for a moment. Transparent answers came and went. He let his thoughts fade and his feelings pull heavy and quick. Smiles and frowns, with unbalanced facial expressions tugged Vickie's emotions. She hardened.
"I want us to leave. We need our comfort, this isn't where it should end."
She picked up her class and headed for there kitchen. After a couple of minutes she returned with two steaming cups of coffee and sat next to her husband. She had seen his hopelessness for to long and felt the doubt coming down.
"This wont work. It may never happen and if it does you'll hate yourself for it. You think its bad now? Wait for the war to be over. Thats when you'll see this with honest eyes. The fighting outside will stop and within you it will also. Only out here, we can let go of the wrong. Are you preparing to do the same? I want you to. if you cant, then just listen to what i say and I'll take care of us. please sweetie, Its you or nothing."
Brian slid under her glare. He saw her words and was more afraid then he had ever felt. She was the only thing he could hold onto, but now he wanted to let go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ok, so i dont like writing stories. Mostly because Im too picky, and i cant satisfy the stories i want to tell. heres the plot behind this little excerpt I wrote.
its war time in a country. Dont care which. Brian and Vicki are married and HAD kids. Something happened. Brian has reasons for wanting to stay there and see out the war. In fact, internally, he wants to justify something to himself and hopes the war doesn't end. Then he would feel cleared of all wrong doings(Based on what happened to his kids). He doesn't care if he died doing this. The conflict is his wife. Which i think makes it a little interesting.
Anyways, This is the beginning of the story. Should i have started it this way. I'm not sure if its to vague. The following three chapters that i wrote do not mention the children at all. leaving out this important fact, does it take away from the intrigue?
Comment if you have any suggestions. I'm starting a writing class and i think I might be in over my head.
@Joe,
Hey Joe, I just need to tell you this! There's a weird character in a novel of Albert Camus, "La Peste" (it must have been translated in english). It's a guy who writes and rewrites his whole life ONE single sentence, the beginning of his novel, that he simply cannot start to write unless the first sentence is "perfect". I think novels are rarely written starting from the beginning; maybe one reads them so (even that is questionable), but many writers write "fragments", scenes that are "glued" together afterwards. These "fragments" are the result of inspiration and determine the general quality of the book. I have an over-complete edition of Musil's "Mann ohne Eigenschaften", including the fragments the author left after his death. It feels as if one does not need the novel anymore, everything being said in the fragments. I'm placing this comment here because your post could inspire some to a descriptive investigation of the creative process, in particular the literary one. Oh yes, and I liked the beginning, seems both accurate and suggestive. Please forgive me my nagging
@Catchabula,
Catchabula wrote:
but many writers write "fragments", scenes that are "glued" together afterwards. These "fragments" are the result of inspiration and determine the general quality of the book.
Thats true, I keep forgetting that. I do have little notes here and there that I scribble down. Writing is hard for me when I "think" about it. This class I'm taking is suppose to teach me how to channel what i naturally think. Without having to think. lol.
I dont thinking your nagging.:nonooo:
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace