Alfred E. Neumann

From "History Gone MAD" (can you believe this is sitting on my desk!??)

1900 B.C. -- After countless years, crude Semitic writing is developed by the Phoenicians. (It will take the world a lot less time to develop even cruder anti-Semitic writing)

249 -- In Rome, the practice begins of throwing Christians to the lions. And it takes very little practice for the Romans to get pretty good at it.

432 -- St. Patrick introduces Christianity to Ireland, therby giving the natives something interesting to fight about for the rest of their recorded history.

fealola- Yes, I do believe it.

There goes my image as a serious intellectual!!!

Waddaya mean? Alfred E. is my hero. And I'm an intellectual! (Well, sort of )

I came here expecting to read: "What; me worry?" and "Portczebe." But I have enjoyed the thread thus far nevertheless.

"Learn well the mistakes of the past, for you are destined to repeat them, and you can't expect to botch things up right if you don't even know how it was done the first time."

Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's why you should never date a baseball player.
Marsha Warfield

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, "You'll never find anyone like me again."
I'm thinking: "I should hope not. If I don't want you why should I want someone like you?"
Larry Miller

The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knofe they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corckscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on Buddy; let's go. You get past me the guy in back of me's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.
Jerry Seinfeld

Why is it that when we talk to God we're praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
Lilly Tomlin

Ha! Ha!


More from "History Gone MAD":

"1000 -- Leif Ericsson discovers America, but decides it's not worth mentioning."