A poem for thought

Forums: Original Writing, Writing, Creative Writing
Email this Topic • Print this Page

I am new to poetry so any thoughts would be helpful. I apologize for the bad punctuation. I am still learning who to write properly.

Lyrics release like ravage beast through city streets. I flood minds with philosophy. I'll tear you from your hypocrisies, and relieve you from your false illusions of democracy. Never will I allow your suppression to sit on top of me. I am a new days revolutionary. Bind my feet with concrete, I guarantee my soul will break free. You can shackle my hands in chains. Watch my freedom Reign. I see your demons rip bloody rivers through wishes, enforcing evil business. You still aren't good enough to get this.

Advance with your legions of doom. I'll attack back with scripts from ancient ruins. Let freedom flow with the voice of angles. Enticing harmonies from every angle. This our time to re-align. Create elite fleets bounded by divine. The pursuit of knowledge is our only crime.

You can creep with your shady shadows. I stand with the king and rulers of stars. Ripping your petty attempts of power apart. I can't understand nor can I believe that humans don't see. The way we feed our greed and support our cooperate siege. For a couple of buck a fancy car and some weed. I choose to use different means to meet my needs. Rather than patronize and capitalize of an innocent mans dreams. As you look my in the eyes and feed me lies. To your surprise I was hip to your demise. As your grip slips you threaten lives. My people are strong courageous and prepared to die.

Thundering drums and blissful chants. Evil dies as angles dance. Swords are sheathed, and war is gone love is plenty and life is long. Legends live as children grown our thoughts are caught as our dreams unfold.

You have survived to see Armageddon's dawn.

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,004 • Replies: 7

No top replies

@savagemonk,

Very nice, I suggest revision tho. for example it ravage beast didnt quite make sense and you should put the whole thing in a poetic format rather than line after line as in normal paragraphs. I really did enjoy it tho, good work.

1 Reply

@musicman1,

Thank you for the comments and advice I will work on that. I am still learning poetry. So every comment helps me get better.

0 Replies

@savagemonk,

your welcome, keep writing man.

0 Replies

@savagemonk,

the beauty of poetry, is there is hardly a proper way.

but i also agree with musicman, this poem could be strengthen by forming stanzas (which can be a lot of fun). you can put certain lines by themselves that you want to stick out. it also helps with the rhythm.

speaking of rhythm, this poem has definitely got it. it reads like a free-style rap. this would def be a cool poem to read on stage.

1 Reply

@teacup,

Your an uncut diamond..i wish i was as good.keep at it..

1 Reply

@xris,

Thank you all. I have been trying to put it into a differant format, just can't seem to get it to sound the same. I will continue to try. When I reach a final version I will post it again to see what everyone thinks. Thank you again for the help.

0 Replies

@savagemonk,

savagemonk wrote:

I am new to poetry so any thoughts would be helpful. I apologize for the bad punctuation. I am still learning who to write properly.

Lyrics release like ravage beast through city streets. I flood minds with philosophy. I'll tear you from your hypocrisies, and relieve you from your false illusions of democracy. Never will I allow your suppression to sit on top of me. I am a new days revolutionary. Bind my feet with concrete, I guarantee my soul will break free. You can shackle my hands in chains. Watch my freedom Reign. I see your demons rip bloody rivers through wishes, enforcing evil business. You still aren't good enough to get this.

Advance with your legions of doom. I'll attack back with scripts from ancient ruins. Let freedom flow with the voice of angles. Enticing harmonies from every angle. This our time to re-align. Create elite fleets bounded by divine. The pursuit of knowledge is our only crime.

You can creep with your shady shadows. I stand with the king and rulers of stars. Ripping your petty attempts of power apart. I can't understand nor can I believe that humans don't see. The way we feed our greed and support our cooperate siege. For a couple of buck a fancy car and some weed. I choose to use different means to meet my needs. Rather than patronize and capitalize of an innocent mans dreams. As you look my in the eyes and feed me lies. To your surprise I was hip to your demise. As your grip slips you threaten lives. My people are strong courageous and prepared to die.

Thundering drums and blissful chants. Evil dies as angles dance. Swords are sheathed, and war is gone love is plenty and life is long. Legends live as children grown our thoughts are caught as our dreams unfold.

You have survived to see Armageddon's dawn.

Very good. It needs a little revision, but I enjoyed it.

0 Replies

A poem for thought

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know