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Sun 14 Jun, 2009 09:32 am
So, I have begun a journey of stringing together ideas into a larger body of work. This is related to my short story, "How to Become a Loser (or Did You Earn that Reputation?)." This post is a rough sketch of the prelude. I will go through in the editing phase to improve clarity and depth.
Some times life seems to be a futile attempt at making something out of series of misfortunate events. In an essence, we are born, we breathe, we learn, we make mistakes, and we suffer until we die. Sure, there are moments in life that the suffering seems to come to an end for momentary clips of time stored in the back of our minds to attempt to remind us why we continue to carry on. Then we die. When this final moment of our lives dawns upon or lives is totally unknown. It could be today, or it could be 40 years from now. There is no design, there is no plan, but there is the inevitable pattern that everyone shares as a human being.
Some may say that is a very cynical way of looking at the human life cycle. They may suggest that life is about trying to find things like success, fame, money, love, and having a family. Sure, that is one of the many options that the universe can arrange for us, and present us with a potential life path, but in reality, none of it really matters. All of these things are relative and have no real meaning to anything. They may help form the character of an individual, but they are meaningless in regards to the general human condition. Just as one could be held in esteem by their peers for their collection of moments through life, one could be abhorred for living life against the grain. But life in general could care less about anyone's character. From an evolutionary perspective, character just does not apply. Instinct is the only meaningful human feature according to evolutionary processes. Some individuals are just more fit to pass on their genetics, no matter how poor their characters may be fit to live within the greater society. From an evolutionary perspective, the individual seems to be thrust in a crisis of meaning. The individual becomes absurd in the face of evolution. Human life seems to dwell in a sea of ubiquity.
What am I? Or should I be more appropriate and ask who am I? I am a human that ended up having a generally favorable environment for success since I was fortunate enough to be born where I was and when I was. I am about 30 years old, I have graduated from UW-Madison with a Bachelor's of Arts in philosophy, and now I am pretty much a nobody-some may call me a "loser." Ever since graduation I have turned towards the dark arts, and seem to have stepped off the cliff of destiny, and appear to be set on a crash course with destiny. But this is not who I am. That is what I am. "Who am I" seems to be a question that keeps slipping away like that slimy fish that tried to make one last attempt before becoming fodder for a frying pan. At the moment that we discover who we are, we decide that we are not satisfied with our discoveries, and make a last-ditch effort at remaking our character thinking that will finally solve the answer to life, the universe, and who we are. But this futile game says nothing about who we are. In the end, people could be drug addicts or a successful politician-or even both at the same time-but none of that changes the human life cycle that remains relative to all of this hubris of the spirit.
Modern human civilization has become very efficient at engraining this hubris of the spirit into children at a rather young age. From the moment they are born, parents build up false hope and potential for their children, and as a result, we create a young adult population that is doomed to be a failure in the eyes of expectations. What we do not teach the children is that potential does nothing to fill in for the actual. This hubris of the spirit leads us to believe that our potential is our character, and it takes great pains to actualize this spirit. Many children grow into adults that are total failures, because they spend their lives dreaming about the future, and forgetting that life is to be lived in the present. Human evolution is a product of the future that is played out on the field of the present. Hubris of the spirit attempts to replace the present with the future because it is more comforting that way. Life seems to be easier to live living within a comfort zone rather than stepping out of it, and assisting the cosmic universal dance become more interesting. Boring people living through the future will only lead to the inevitable stagnation of the human spirit, and as a result, evolution will continue to lead to more and more boring potentialities.
This brings me to up to this moment in time. I have grown bored with the mundane, and have attempted to turn the mundane into excitement. With the assistance of a cornucopia of chemicals, I have found ways to alter the day to day experience to give off the appearance of excitement. Joyous cosmic dance be damned. Most people would call me a loser. But I like to consider myself an opportunist. I am living out my life harassing others, and helping them realize that their lives are futile attempts at making something out of nothing.
@Theaetetus,
"La vie est une passion inutile" (Sartre). There's a word loaded with irritating cultural connotations, " loser", that is regaining an old, deep and tragic dimension here. Anybody remembers Ingmar Bergmans's "Seventh Seal"? The Game of Chess? One of the many tries to reduce to images and symbols the truth that is in our bones (or where-ever). You are growing out of your clothes, Th.
@Theaetetus,
I am working on setting up the rest of the story, and some of the major themes of the work. My main character is a tormented individual who has become very cynical towards society as a whole. He thinks he knows some important truths about life, but has lost his passion for life because it seems to him that no one else understands these truths. He gets himself wound up in some sticky situations, and after a run in with a near death experience, begins to see life in a more positive light, and as Ghandi says, becomes the change that he wishes to see in the world.
It is going to be a semi-autobiographical work, in which I draw upon my vast life experience to tell a tale of redemption and renewed passion for life through the process of self-actualization. So while I plan to write a piece of fiction that is a biting critique of modern society, I also want to give the reader that there is hope for something better, and that every attempt at bettering one's life, is not necessarily futile.
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