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Is there a right or wrong way to propose?

 
 
Reply Tue 15 Dec, 2009 07:19 pm
I'm trying to come up with proposal ideas and I'm wondering if there is anything that you absolutely must or must NOT do. The kinds of things that make or break the proposal. Things like proposing without a ring, going down on your knee, etc.
 
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Tue 15 Dec, 2009 07:24 pm
@gutterball,
As long as you have the ring and are sincere, nothing can be wrong.

However, if you look for ideas to propose in an unusual way and be creative, here are a few:

Sporting Events: Use the scoreboard at a game, have the question announced over the public address system, or enlist a player to help pop the question.

Travel: Propose at a memorable location during a vacation or getaway, or plan a short vacation explicitly for the proposal.

Reading or Books: Place a card or note in a favorite book (one that is currently being read), or customize a bookmark with the question.

Gardening: Bury the ring (in a protective box) in a favorite gardening spot, attach the ring to flowers, or use a gardening analogy when proposing.

Collecting: No matter what the collection, an engagement ring can easily be “added” to the items and subtle guidance will guarantee it is found at the appropriate moment.

Scrapbooking: Create a specialized scrapbook page to pop the question, possibly with the ring attached.

Interactive Hobbies: Ask the question during the activity " on a roller coaster, while skiing or golfing, during a romantic movie scene, underwater while snorkeling, etc.

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Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Tue 15 Dec, 2009 07:45 pm
@gutterball,
don't hide it in the pre-nup envelope.
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zastroe
 
  3  
Reply Tue 15 Dec, 2009 08:24 pm
@gutterball,
If you're a believer that some old traditions exist for good reason, then you should ask her parents for permission and get down on one knee. I did both and have always been very happy I went through the uncomfortablenss of it. An added bonus is that both her parents and she will re-tell that part of the story with pride the rest of their lives.
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mm25075
 
  2  
Reply Tue 15 Dec, 2009 09:38 pm
I think most of all it's best if you choose a way she will be comfortable with. If she is not into public spectacle, it may not be a good idea to embarass her in front of a ton of people. SHe might perfer a more private situation.

My advice is to pick someplace special for the two of you.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2009 05:44 am
@mm25075,
Heh then I guess RP did it wrong. He did not have a ring. In fact, it was more that we'd been dating for a year and about to start living together. We were standing in my parents' kitchen (it was December, so we were there for Chanukah) and my mother knew we had been talking marriage so she (yes, my mother!) asked him, "My grandmother's old engagement ring is in the safety deposit box. Do you think you'll, um, need it for anything?".

And RP said, "Sure, that okay with you, jes?"

And I said, "Sure."

And that was it.

I guess it worked. We've been married for 17 1/2 years.
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sullyfish6
 
  2  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2009 12:50 pm
Do they ask the parents anymore?

I think that's a wonderful gesture, but have not heard of anyone doing it in a long time.

There's no way I'd propose in front of other people and the WORST new thing is to announce your engagement at another person's wedding. I have seen that done twice. Neither marriage lasted. No surprise, since the fiancee ran to the bar immediately after proposing, I could see he just was not that serious.

mm25075
 
  2  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2009 01:08 pm
@sullyfish6,
Not to mention it's pretty tacky to use someone's else's special day for your own purpose.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2009 01:24 pm
Some women would like a choice in what the ring looks like, the ring they'd be apt to be wearing for many years. Me, for example. So, I'd pick a jewelry store with a good selection that seems to fit her taste and acquire a ring box from them, with a note inside saying "one engagement ring to be selected"..
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2009 01:45 pm
@sullyfish6,
My husband asked my parents but pretty much for the old-fashioned/ novelty factor -- if they'd said "no," that wouldn't have really changed anything.

He proposed with just a diamond (not in a setting, just the diamond itself) which worked well for me. I designed the ring and had it made.
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joefromchicago
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2009 02:02 pm
Well, no matter you do, don't say whatever this guy said:

Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2009 02:06 pm
@joefromchicago,
yeah, this stuff can backfire in a bad way...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ac3AzaDohd0&feature=related
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2009 02:38 pm
@joefromchicago,
It looks fake to me. She's happy and then says "are you serious... are you serious?" and he just says "yep, yep" sorts of things and then all the sudden she slaps him.
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2009 03:10 pm
@sozobe,
Actually I think she says "I had no clue" before the slap.
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2009 04:02 pm
@sozobe,
sozobe wrote:

Actually I think she says "I had no clue" before the slap.


You're right, that does look fake, especially the way he is hiding his face and hanging his head afterwards.


The other one though, the one on the basketball court....ow, that was for real.

I think it's the very rare person who wants an entire auditorium of people to be in on their proposal.

Pretty tacky.

If the couple is under a certain age, like under 25 or maybe 27, I think it's a huge gesture of respect to asks the girls parents for their daughters hand in marriage first.
It's not like it's meant like generations ago, when the daughter was chattle. It is an opportunity to express to her parents how you want to spend the rest of your life with her, and that they will never have to worry that she won't be treated well.
Some things just never go out of style.
A co-worker has 3 grown children, all married now.
The one daughter, R. has been married twice. Tragically, her first husband died in a car crash when they were only married a little over a year. I know that both times the husband to be asked for her hand.

I think the 2nd time was even more emotional for everyone, because it was saying that he knew the daughter was capable of making her own decisions, but he wanted the parents to know how much he thought of them.

I think it's amusing that someone would think it was all right to ask someone they love to marry them via a billboard or over the PA system at a football game, but would worry about feeling foolish in asking the people who raised his beloved for their blessing.

Anyway, my opinion is that this is a very private moment, for just the 2 people involved.
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CoastalRat
 
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Reply Thu 17 Dec, 2009 07:53 am
RIGHT WAY: Snuggled up close to her, you lean over her, kiss her tenderly, and ask her if she would do you the honor of marrying you.

WRONG WAY: Snuggled up close to her, you nudge her with your elbow and say "So, how about it. You wanna get married or something?"




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Phoenix32890
 
  2  
Reply Thu 17 Dec, 2009 08:31 am
One thing that I think should NEVER be done, is to propose to the woman in public. That would be backing her to the wall, especially if she is ambivalent. This should be a very private moment, between the two individuals involved.

Although I have some philosophical reservations about asking the bride's parents for her "hand", it is sweet, and could help cement the relations with the prospective in-laws. I would say though, that the prospective bride should know what is happening BEFORE mom and dad are brought into the picture.

I could just imagine a scenario where the parents say "yes", and then the woman says "no"!
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gutterball
 
  1  
Reply Mon 8 Feb, 2010 04:43 pm
Thanks for all the awesome feedback! You make a good point that doing it in public has a lot of potential to go bad and, more importantly, puts a lot of (unfair) pressure on her.

The more I think about, the more I think the guy should pick out the ring. I mean there are ways of finding out what she likes (unless she's really tight lipped about it and you have no friends or family of hers to ask). Personally, I always listen up whenever my girlfriend makes any kind of comment about rings or jewelry in general...walking by a jewelry store at the mall, looking through magazines...whenever.

One thing I'm not 100% on though is the ring metal. I've heard that platinum is good because it's strong and doesn't lose it's whiteness, but I'm wondering how big of a difference there is between it and other metals. Will platinum hold up better in the long run? Is it the best choice for the prongs? Anything else you should think about when you pick the setting?
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