These are witty and supremely true-
Especially:
no one can make you feel inferior without your permission.
Thanks for reminding me.
(He could CHUCK all that he did not eat, hmmmm?)
Subj: Fw: Ya Gotta Love Old Folks
A very elderly gentleman, (mid-nineties) very well dressed, hair well
groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of
a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into
an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking
lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of
her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me,
I come here often?"
********************************
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of
years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him
fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear
100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and
the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be
really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit
around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three
times!"
**********************************************
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turns to the other and says... "Slim, I'm 83
years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you' re about
my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby."
"Really! Like a new-born baby!"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
*******************************************************
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two
gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a
new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very
highly."
The other man said, "What's the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name
of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one
that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the
kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went
to last night?"
*******************************************************************
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being
discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at
his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him
to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting
him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom
changing out of her hospital gown.
I added that last to my favorites. I may want to convert some of my spontaneous stuff one of these days.
Hey E ...... sounds like a winner ...one of these days, lord willing and the creek don't rise, I'm going to burn mine on a cd. My youngest is a poet with a good style. He started writing while he was in Iraq(desert storm) I want to have the cd for the kids to listen to after I move to Mintaka. I rescued a bunch that I wrote on abuzz so I think I can fill a cd. Someday
Remember, he that hesilost is tates ...
Another way to preserve them is to go to Lulu and make a book of them.
John "Liver-Eating" Johnston
Birth: unknown
Death: Jan. 21, 1900
Western Frontiersman. Standing 6 feet, 6 inches tall, and weighing in at 240 pounds, he lived and thrived in the western mountainous region of the United States and survived the end of the Mountain Man era of the United States' settlement to become both fact and legend in his own time. He was a feared Mountain Man, accomplished fur-trapper, and steamboat "woodhawk" who supplied cord wood for money, he started and ended his own personal war against an entire tribe of Indians, fought in the Civil War, and acted as both Deputy Sheriff and Town Marshall before he died of old age (70+ years) in 1900. In the fall of 1843, the steamboat "Thames" from St. Louis transported the young trapper to the St. Joseph eddy in the Blacksnake Hills of Wyoming. Three years later, he was well known to the steamboat captains as a reliable supplier of wood for their boilers. At this time, the "Crazy Woman" saga depicted in the movie, "Jeremiah Johnson", actually took place as Jane Morgan's family was massacred by Indians in the Musselshell River basin of the Rockies. Johnston tracked down and killed all of her assailants. In 1847, Johnston's pregnant Flathead Indian wife was killed and scalped by a raiding party of Crow Indians while he was away hunting. Barely a year later, his infamous war against the whole tribe of Crows was well known and established. He would eat the liver of his slain enemies as a sign that he had conquered yet another killer of his young Indian squaw. This gruesome practice earned him the title of Dapiek Absaroka (Crow Killer) by the Indians, and, more generally, "Liver-Eating" Johnston. For more than twenty years he maintained a solitary, wary, daily mortal battle with the Crows. In 1869 he made a peace with them. On February 24, 1864, he joined the Union army in St. Louis and rapidly rose in the ranks from horseman to sharpshooter. Johnston was honorably discharged on September 23, 1865. Thirteen years later, in 1878, "Bear Claws" Chris Lapp, one of his compatriots, was found murdered in his cabin. Johnston and "Del" Gue killed all of the Indians involved and the traders who sold them their rifles and ammunition. By the time 1887 came to pass, he was in his sixties but he was still feared, respected, and dominant. He had already served as the Deputy Sheriff of Leadville (Billings), Colorado, and he was elected Town Marshall of Red Lodge, Montana in 1888. The brutally vigorous existence that he led eventually caught up with Johnston. In 1895, his health began to fail him rapidly. He was forced to enter the Veteran's Administration Hospital in Los Angeles in the last month of 1899. Exactly month later, on January 21, 1900, he died. In 1972, Warner Brothers released the motion picture, "Jeremiah Johnson", starring Robert Redford as the grizzled Mountain Man. His portrayal of Johnston's life was much tamer than the reality. The movie was based on two books about Johnston; one, "Mountain Man" by Vardis Fisher, is extremely romantic and paints the trapper as a poetry-loving, peaceful hunter. The other, "Crow Killer", by Raymond W. Thorp and Robert Bunker, is a more factual, documentary-styled novel. After reading the second novel, Tri Robinson, a 7th grade teacher from Lancaster, California, worked with his students to have the body of Johnston reburied in Bob Edgar's recreated western town, Old Trail Town, in Cody Wyoming on June 8, 1974. He now rest near the face of one of the cliffs that he visited in his later years. (bio by: Bob Dollenmayer)
Search Amazon.com for John Johnston
Burial:
Old Trail Town Cemetery
Cody
Park County
Wyoming, USA
February 17, 1864
A. B. Paterson (1864 - 1941)
Banjo Paterson's "Waltzing Matilda"
by Steve King
Australian Swagman by English photographer Alex Poignant
Australian Swagman by Alex Poignant, National Gallery of Australia.
On this day in 1864 A. B. ("Banjo") Paterson, the Australian bush poet who wrote "Waltzing Matilda," was born in New South Wales. The story of the creation of Australia's unofficial national anthem is an engaging one, a convergence of history, politics, biography, etymology and irony that unravels in all directions. In 1894 Paterson was a thirty year-old city lawyer with a distaste for both cities and the practice of law. He preferred horses, history and his outback home, and writing ballads about them. While on a visit with his fiancé to Dagworth Station (large ranches, originally run by the government on convict labor) in Queensland, Paterson was taken with a nameless tune that he heard his hostess play on the piano from memory. Having decided to set words to it, Paterson immediately found his raw material in his host's guided tour of the Station, which included a description of those events surrounding the eight-day Shearers' Strike several months earlier. The "swagman [a drifter or itinerant sheep-shearer, carrying his swag or blanket-roll] camped by a billabong [waterhole]" was Samuel "Frenchy" Hoffmeister. He was a militant member of the Shearers' Union, thought to have been the one responsible for burning down the Dagworth woolshed, killing 140 sheep. He was not relaxing "under the shade of a coolibah [eucalyptus] tree" but hiding out. If "he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy [tin can of water] boiled," it would have been very softly. When the swagman "stowed that jumbuck [sheep] in his tucker [food] bag" he was adding the fuel of poaching to the fire of political and class war. When "up rode the squatter [wealthy landowner], mounted on his thoroughbred," backed by "the troopers, one, two, three," it was a contest no swagman -- least of all a militant unionist-arsonist-poacher -- could win. When he suicidally "leapt into the billabong," crying "You'll never catch me alive," it was the leap of a cornered, outback, underclass, convict-bred martyr, to the cry of 'up yours, mate.'
"Frenchy" Hoffmeister, the historical swagman, shot rather than drowned himself, and was from German stock, as was the expression "waltzing Matilda." Auf der walz means to 'go on the tramp' or hit the road, used in Germany to describe traveling workers or soldiers on the march; a Matilda came to mean those women who followed the soldiers, to 'keep them warm.' Eventually the soldier's greatcoat or blanket was a Matilda. Thus Paterson's swagman-hero was not only without justice, or food, or a way out, but a woman's warmth. And the nameless tune that Paterson first heard at Dagworth Station and took for his swagman turned out to be a version of the "Craigielee March," which was itself taken from a century-old Scottish air called "Thou Bonnie Wood of Craigielee." There may be older, less direct roots for the tune that Paterson made famous, but "Craigielee" was written by Robert Tannahill, a lonely, semi-cripple who would escape to the woods, and whose final relief was to kill himself by drowning.
- SK
Think you know everything? Did you know...
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a
second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both
eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used
furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the
Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear
until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only
have about 10.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the
letters "mt".
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history
not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been
domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, in
single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you are an average American, in your whole life,
you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one
syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with month,
orange, silver, or purple.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over
the Parliament building is an American flag.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but
our nose and ears never stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only
the left hand; lollipop" with your right.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the
typing.
The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it
only says there were three gifts.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for
each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked
by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the
lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls
froze completely solid.
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the
same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are only four words in the English language
which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
There are two words in the English language that
have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones ChewablesVitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made
using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during
a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus
every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.
"Relax and have a marijuana." - David Peal
toke? ..... somebody ... I think...... what did you ask me?
"I went to a party the other night/ I wanted to fill my brain with light/ I grabbed myself a bottle/ I thought in a while I'd be feeling fine but I couldn't get high/ I whipped out my pipe and filled it full of grass/ Gave myself a light/ I huffed, puffed, smoked and toked/ After a while my heart was nearly broke ..."
Coming into Los Angeles
Bringing in a couple of keys
Don't touch my bags if you please
Mister Customs Man
Internet guides .... or 'how to find what you are looking for
Klik me
Guide for students
Research guide for students ....Klik
My "college harried by research papers" Niece, thanks you lots. Good site.
Be still my beating heart ........
( turn on speakers )
Lubdub Lubdub
Klik me
THE
MALLEUS MALEFICARUM
of Heinrich Kramer and James Sprenger
Unabridged online republication of the 1928 edition. Introduction to the 1948 edition is also included.
Translation, notes, and two introductions by Montague Summers. A Bull of Innocent VIII.
